Thanks everybody.
2013-14: Tauf Aleph
March 7th, 20132013-13: It’s All Replaceable
February 7th, 2013There is no feeling quite as bizarre as boarding a flight with nothing but the clothes you’re wearing, a loaner backpack and an empty water bottle. And the only reason I had those two things was so I didn’t feel totally creepy. Moreso I felt embarrassed, hopeless and alone, but I still got on the plane.
I had to. I had no other choice, as some dickhead, Riverwester decided to smash in my window and steal all my luggage, a few hours before I was supposed to head to Denver for SIA. The good news is I made it. I landed, grabbed some replacement socks, underwears, tees, and kept on bopping. What else can a man do? It was better to be pist and surrounded by free beer and rad people, than to be pist at home, alone on the couch.
And I did get free beer, and I did meet good people, and I did see rad things.
The Free Beer:
Shout out to everyone who helped ease my pain. Ezra at C3, and thus the Nose, kept me moving for a few hours. Dale and the people at flow had a few cans for me, as did the Rome guys. Keith, Lauren and the Burton crew fed me beer and liquor. Several times too. Which was great!
The Burton crew was also rad enough to toss me a couple tees to wear. Thanks for that, gentlemen.
Also, a tip of the hat to Adidas for bringing in coffee guys who kept me going before beer time every day.
The Rad People:
I was a bit distracted this year, I’m not gonna lie. I was dealing with insurance from 1200 miles away and trying to figure out what I lost and what I still had. In fact I’m still finding new things I’ve lost on the daily. But it’s all replaceable. That has pretty much become my mantra.
Anyway, the Yobeat crew. Those dudes are pushing it so hard. It’s an honor to get to hang with them and see what they are doing with that little website. I’m pretty lucky Brooke thinks I’m funny enough to prop up.
Nick Green is back in the Midwest, where he belongs, repping the crap out of Skullcandy. Lauren O from Burton is a friggin’ peach and so very helpful. I actually got to spend a fair amount of time talking with Ezra from C3 and that dude has some history. Super interesting to hang with him for a minute.
I also met Steve from Bird’s Eye in Brooklyn. I like that guy. He cares about the scene and seems like a rad guy. I would recommend conversation with Steve to other conversationalists. And you can even buy things from his shop.
Then I met this dude:
Jesse is all around solid. I felt bad for busting out on him so quickly, but I’m pretty sure I’ll speak with him again. There are some goofy images of the two of us running around on instergramps. Thanks to his lady for making that the love connection happen. Plus, he said he read this blog. That’s also a good ego stroker.
Burritos was in the house, but we all know that.
Old enets compatriots, James and Caitlyn were in the place as well. Fuck, those two are good people. It seems that James has something happening over on Shradtastic, so you might want to check that out. Another old enetster, Jgriffs, is now a Denver local and made sure the nights were super rad. THANKS, J GRIFFS!
Then of course there was Dale Rehberg, Chanelle Sladics, Dave Downing and Chad Otterstrom, who gave me some time. But we’ll get more into that later.
The Things That Were Seen:
This is the woman I call Boss (Bonus: Nose sighting).
Oh hey, Adidas is making boots as well as coffee. They look good as well.
It’s good to know Awesome will be safe for another season.
This Endeavor board was pretty much the best looking thing at the show.
Understairs Jesus with a couple broads named Jenny.
This coat is almost better than getting a tattoo of tattoo gun drawing a tattoo of a tattoo gun.
I apologize for the crappy images, my phone was all I had. Probably should have made them all 3D.
Speaking of things I didn’t have.
Here’s the list of what was lost
- 1 MacBook Air
- 1 160gb iPod Classic
- 1 iPad 2 16gig and cover
- 1 Rode Podcaster mic
- 1 Rode Podcaster shockmount
- 1 Audio Technica AT2020 mic
- 1 Nikon Coolpix p7000
- 1 Sony Bloggie
- 1 Dental mouthguard
- 1 pair prescription Gucci glasses
- 1 pair prescription Ray Ban Square Wayfarer sunglasses
- 2 mic stands
- 1 Burton Riders Bag
- 1 Burton Focus Pack
- 1 Gravis Sidearm pack
- 1 North Face Recon pack
- 1 pair Benny Gold Gold Standard denims
- 1 Pair B Son pants
- 1 Benny Gold button-up shirt
- 1 Stussy Toronto sweatshirt
- 3 pairs Huf Plantlife socks
- 4 Hanes Perfect Fit tees
- 1 Upper Playground Shinagist tee
- 1 Upper Playground UP zip-up sweatshirt
- 1 Aculpulco Gold Jodie Foster tee
- 1 Uniqlo flannel
- 2 J Crew button-ups
- 4 pairs of underwear
- 1 pair Ariel 7 Phoenix Headphones
- 1 LL Bean monogrammed personal organizer
- 1 Gorilla Grip Tripod
- 1 Coal Mason bamboo and cashmere hat
- 1 Sigg 32oz water bottle
- 1 Obey Scarf
- 4 8gb memory cards
Again, fuck Riverwest and whoever heisted all my gear.
Be well, and remember that it is all replaceable.
My take on this year’s X Games…
January 28th, 2013Well…the Shaun White Lovefest that is the X Games came & went this past week/weekend. And whether you watched it or not (because you’re boycotting it until they reinstate modified shovel racing as an event) nothing will change the fact that it happened.
Before I get to that though, I’d just like to tell you that I went and played snowboards 3 times since my last post. 3. Because I like to P-A-R-T-Y. Once in drizzly rain & freezing fog, once on a relatively warm night and once more at night, but in single degree temperatures. Why? Because I’m a fucking G and I got me a new Burton Custom FV 160 Muppet’s (Dr. Teeth) board and needs to be stood upon and slid downhill, that’s why. Each time, my buddy Jordan who I taught how to ride the day before Turkey Day was with me. He’s getting pretty good at it. He’s even got his own set up now. He’s hooked.
Anyhow…back to the X Games. I got some thoughts I’d like to share about them. Here we go!
THE GOOD
• Shaun White’s pipe run: 24 feet of air on the first hit? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s quarter pipe-type air we’re talking about! While his run lacked style, even the most outspoken SW hater couldn’t argue that his 2nd run wasn’t the best run of the night, and that he desevred to win. What I hate though, is that that run was better than his winning run last year, and it got a 98, but last year he got a “perfect” 100.
• The sign Scotty Lago’s dog wore: “That’s my daddy”…? Fucking awesome.
• Ayumu Hirano: that little dude went OFF last night in the finals, and earned 2nd place. Oh, he’s 14 years old, 5’2″ & in 8th grade. Dude is gonna be nasty and take lots of top podium spots…unless judges decide to fuck him over like his fellow countryman, Kazu Kokubo.
• Elena Hight: She keeps getting better.
• The Swedish Chef “This is SportsCenter” commercial: Damn I love me some Muppets. However, after the 19th time, I was getting tired of it.
• The Mighty Ducks: Sorry, this has nothing to with the X Games. It’s just currently on while I’m typing this up. QUACK, you cake eater!
THE BAD
• Just about EVERY other commercial: HOLY SHIT! How many times can the same commercial be played…over and over and over…in the span of 4 days?!? Has anyone in the history of watching the X Games been persuaded to enlist with the NAVY while watching the X Games? “I like shredding, so logically, I’ll join the Navy, where they do a shit ton of winter sports. Gonna jump in my JEEP, call Geico for low rates, guzzle a Red Bull and drive to the Taco Bell for some fourth meal before I head on down to the recruiter’s office.”
• BoarderCross, as well as SkierCross, is no more: Apparently, the decision to end BX in the X Games was made in August, but I didn’t find out until Wednesday. I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why they would take out out the most gnar event from the X Games. They left in SnoCross and Speed & Style, all performed on snowmobiles. You know what I did when that came on? Said “Fuck this shit!” and took a nap on the couch, falling asleep while watching Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader on GSN. Turns out, I’m not. But seriously…SnoCross might as well just be winter NASCAR. Dude who won beat the entire field by 11 seconds. And there was 16 fucking laps of that boring ass shit. But they cut the one event that is retardedly fast paced and more exciting than the the championship peewee hockey game between the Hawks and the Ducks, (Sorry…still watching Mighty Ducks. DAMN Charlie stepped up on that penalty shot). Also, not having a BX contest this year robbed all of us from seeing how Lindsey Jacobellis was going to fuck up winning right before the finish line.
• Shaun White’s choice of attire: Can anyone tell me why SW thought looking like the Gimp was a good look? Dude looked like he was an extra at the Blue Oyster Bar from Police Academy. He needs to dump that coach of his if that dude isn’t stepping up and telling him that he needs to cut the leather daddy Hot Topic bullshit.
• Scotty Lago’s drop in: “YEA! LAGO IS THE LAST DUDE THAT CAN WIN DROPPING IN! PRIDE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE RIGHT THERE! HE’S GONNA GIVE SHAUN A RUN FOR HIS MON-oh…WTF? He fell dropping IN to the pipe? Awesome. What else is on tv?”
• ESPN basically verbally blowing SW: Any and every chance they got, they were hyping him up. Sure he won the pipe, but still…when another rider is about to drop in, and the camera is glued on SW…enough is a enough.
• Keir Dillon Announcing: Not trying to hate on him, but he sucked. Sounds like he’s been huffing helium & his on-camera appearances were so uncomfortable and odd. FUN SIDE NOTE: Keir & I almost came to fisticuffs at the US Open in 2003 or 2004; I can’t recall exactly which year it was. But we’re good now.
• Skier attempting a 1980 in Big Air: Five and a half rotations? Really? That’s not even cool. Next year, maybe when they get rid of another event that is awesome, like Slopestyle, they can replace it with Super Twirling. First person to get a nosebleed wins. X-TREME!!!
THE UGLY
• Kelly Clark: Look…I’m no catch…and neither is shim.
• Rogue sled into the crowd: The Aussie motocross turned freestyle snowmobile dude had less than 4 hours on a sled, total, in his lifetime. Yeah…that seems safe. While his fancy trick was pretty cool, he somehow got his sled to ghost ride into the crowd, injuring a teenage bystander. Made me think of this song, (which in turn made me think of riding, jetlagged and stoned out of my mind in the thin ColoRADo air at Echo Mountain Park, RIP, and getting my boogie on alongside Loaf & Zagbeast the Hoebag):
Well…that’s all for now. Flame away.
-CLK
2013-10: On Snowboarding and Projection of Self-Perception
January 25th, 2013You guys seeing this showdown between Shaun White and Mark McMorris? Shit. I can’t even imagine the pressure on those two. If McMorris doesn’t win, he comes off looking like a real deal asshole. And if he does win, Shaun has to go home and cry on his bed made of gold medals and cash and a ridiculous legacy.
I was really trying to avoid Xgamesy stuff. But I had to watch this video, simply because a Helgason put it out:
X GAMES Slope style quallyz a Snowboarding video by Helgasons
Holy shit. Look right there, in the background. Shaun White is co-mingling with other riders. He’s not sequestered in a private Shaun White Stride Gums Lounge. Is this a new Shaun White we are seeing?
People love to go off about who’s going to beat Shaun White, and it’s going to start happening—probably consistently and probably soon. The guy has been on top for a decade now. I’ve wondered time and time again if snowboarding is even fun for Shaun White. It never seemed to be about screwing around with friends, it was about winning. Now I’m wondering if it isn’t getting a bit old for him.
Can he put his game together tight enough to take home medals in halfpipe and slopestyle in Sochi?
What if he did it and walked away? What if he pulled a Craig on us? What if he stepped off that Russian podium, walked into the mountains and never came back? Would we still spit vitriol at him? Would we still blame him for ruining snowboarding?
But that is tangential. I’m here to discuss a young dude that is making me happy that I still follow snowboarding.
Jamie Nicholls, who I once bagged on for being from the UK. This kid is the raddest in the game right now. First off, he is an impressively good rider. You can see him get loose at the Nike Chosen event last year:
Now consider that he grew up riding dry slopes, because he was from the UK.
But apart from that the kid is straight-up 18-year old. He’s out there with friends and having a good time. Blasting off tweets like this:
Then jock-poppa in charge of snowboarding in the UK reprimands him.
In a shocking turn of events, Jock-poppa gets charged at because this is snowboarding and it’s all about having fun and screwing off, it’s not rugby and he backs down, admitting he needs to learn to roll. You don’t see the game get played like that in the USA.
Jamie Nicholls, free to be young again, heads off to Quebec for a contest. He makes it through to the finals, but doesn’t do as well as he hoped to, so he puts out something like an apology on the tweets.
WhoTF is this dude? Dude just brushes it off, essentially says “I’ll do better next time” and goes to hit street rails. Perhaps he feels like he owes his followers this, because he’s on the dole, sucking from the titty of the British sporting public (In case you missed that part). It seems like a noble thing to do.
More importantly it seems like a well-adjusted thing to do. This dude is 18 and apparently has been on the British scene since he was six. Contrast that to Shaun White who played that role for those of us in the US. Shaun has always been on a pedestal. Whether it was self-imposed or done at the bidding of other forces, Shaun has existed completely outside of snowboarding. It’s part of what has allowed him to be so successful, but it’s one of the biggest factors having lead to the incessant Shaun-bashing.
Honestly I hope this kid keeps ripping the shit out of things. According to the European connection, riders like Jamie and his pal Billy Morgan have a good chance of blowing up before they head to Sochi. And, It doesn’t hurt to have the likes of Nike and Salomon behind you. The guy is headed for great things, and he may never really hit it big stateside, but I really hope the next group of contest kids, and more importantly their parents and (for fuck’s sake) coaches, take note on how to be awesome for yourself, your friends and the whole shred game.
***The screen grabs I used came from Whitelines article about the twitter kerfuffle, which you can read here.
2013-9: The Best Laid Plans or FPO
January 24th, 2013Man, I’ve was working on a bruiser, but then it turned into some Jerry Maguire piece. Mega meta head piece. I had to abort. I’ll keep reworking it and maybe someday it will be released into the wild. But until then, get with this:
I don’t remember that show being so focused on that girl’s boobs.
2013-8: Trip Corks and Gun Culture
January 23rd, 2013Christ, I know what you’re thinking.
Get your shit together, Rumorator. You said this was the year you would pump out more than 16 crap-assed posts. Prove it numbnuts.
Shit, dude I’ve been writing some hackneyed government website for the past couple of weeks. It’s hard being a pinko these days.
But on with the show, eh.
The Beginning: Triple corked the fuck outta shit.
Guys, big news Shaun White triple corked a slopestyle jump (or as us regulars call it, “a jump”). You can see it over on Yobeat, or like everywhere else.
But the more important Shaun White element was that he was on hit NBC show Goon, starring that dude from Friends. The one the was always saying “Whoa!” and “Bada Bing!” That dude is on the sequel to Friends and the show had Shaun White guest starring as Shawn Whyte “The greatest snowboarder of all fictional time™” and to talk about Stride gums.
I actually watched this, and you can too. And honestly, The Blanco was not the worst thing about this show. And this show is not the worst thing on TV. At the same time, it doesn’t really excel as a show. It just falls flat. I assume it will get cancelled. But hey, thanks for advancing the idea that all of snowboarding is just Shaun White.
Dude does triple corks, you know, right?
NEXT!
A couple weeks ago my Milwaukee host family, Chip and Metal Brian and 2nd cousin N8zilla, were heading to northern Wisconsin to spend time at a place they just referred to as The Bus. I really tried to flake out on this. I didn’t like giving up a good shred weekend to drive four hours north.
But then things, changed up. The weather turned warm. It was suddenly perfect for northern Wisconsin-ing, and crap for snowboarding. I realized that at some point, every man wants to hang out at a place called “The Bus”. To be at such a place, just to talk shit with friends and drink beers outside is a pretty rad. Plus I learned it was wasn’t really that far away.
It still took forever to get there Friday night. Super dense fog had me travelling 35mph on the freeway and then stuck in the delightful little town of Wittenberg for over an hour. I wasn’t actually stuck but the fog was not letting me find my way out. It was like the Eagles said, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. And we make incredibly shitty music.”
Eventually, I made it and the first thought to enter my head was, “This is where people go to die. This is literally a bus in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of Wisconsin.” I ignored that feeling as I have like 3 other times in my life, just took a seat and got into some boozes.
The night consisted of sitting by a fire, drinking whiskey, drinking beer, poking sticks into the fire, trying to bake a potato, telling jokes, listening to black metal, listening to Paul Scheer review Anaconda, and listening to Mysterious Universe Plus episodes. It was shaping up to be a good evening, then I looked over to the condiments table and a saw this laying there:
This led into an hour-long discussion about how uncomfortable I was with a handgun just hanging out. Then I suggested a game that involved Chip and I make a game of doing donuts in our trucks while everyone else tries to shoot the tires . Nobody else was feeling that. Gun culture is still beyond me.
And to address the Chekhov in the room, the gun was fired at a few cans and a metal target, which may have been a frying pan, hanging in a tree.
Dream vacation in the Dells. Hot Pic. Sorry.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING ON THE TIRE?
Trucksterist
Back to the Boards
In the past 10 days both The New York Times and The LA Times (Is that even a real newspaper, or is the LA Times like City Pages for Silverlake?) took the shred game to task.
The LA version naturally just talked about how rad skiing is. This is typical coverage. Snowboarders have always been the foil, so when the recent snowboarding bubble pops, it’s never about how trends are cyclical. The LA Times makes it about how skiing is what’s cool and everyone always comes back to skiing. To the LA Times snowboarding is just a phase you go through, like jewish girls, or other dudes. Snowboarding was never anything real, it was simply a fling. Now let’s get back to what’s important here, that being skiing.
The New York Times, America’s paper of record, uses the same jumping off point, but then addresses how snowboarding hasn’t built in a contingency plan. Snowboardist are essentially drowning themselves in the hottub.
If these predictions are accurate, we’re looking at a 20-30 percent drop in ridership. At first glance that might seem awesome. Less kids sitting around, fucking the whole scene up, right? And most of those kids don’t stick with it anyway. Except for the few of them who become the core riders. But 20-30 percent is a pretty significant drop for the industry. Fewer boards, boots, gloves coats, goggles, neck gaiters. All that shit will take a hit.
Of course, you could say that those that are being skimmed off are probably part of the problem in snowboarding. I feel confident assuming most of the skimmed do not get their gear from the core shops and thus aren’t really impacted those of us who are core+. There may be a new lull in snowboarding coming, and now that we have basked in the good life, are we ready to slink back into the background. Sure. Why not?
Fucking gun culture.
2013-6: Hey, I’ve Been There
January 11th, 2013Part !:
This is now out there:
Maybe you don’t like the raps. Maybe you think dude number one looks too much like J Casanova. Maybe you’re still stuck in that 1987 mentality and thinking, “I don’t think this stuff is for real.”
Whatever, get over it. These guys have been shuffling around Milwaukee for a while, so it was cool to see them get up here. (I have no clue how MTV Hive works. Perhaps anyone can just post up shit, and it’s all just user generated. I hope it’s a bit more selective than that. If you do know the ins and outs of the MTV Hive, please do not tell me. the less I know of that organization the better.)
Also, Check out that mean shopping scene with rapper #2. I know that place. I hang out in that place.
Nice product placement by the guys at MODA3. It’s the most legit shop around. if you’re ever in Milwaukee, you need to check it out.
Peaced out for the weekend. Sleeping outside and riding snowboards in a speed suit. Catch you MFers on Monday.
2013-5: Randomly Canadian
January 10th, 2013There will come a time in your life when stochasticity is gonna hit, and you’re going to realize how unready you are for the world. I’m in that zone right now. Waiting for the other shoe to fall. Waiting for the hammer to drop. Waiting by the phone. Waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone†.
Element 1: What’s Right With This Picture?
Dig this, last night, I was laying in bed reading some annual reports, as I do. I checked my twitter trough and this comes up:
Now, you’re looking at this thinking, “Brother, something is not right here. The lyrics say “our home AND native land.”
And that is fact, but you know what? The Idle No More movement is something. First Nations, First People, whatever term you want to use, show some respect to people who have been shit upon for 500 plus. We know enough about history to know they gotta raw deal. It’s time to make amends. Watch how this shakes out in Canada and compare that to how it’s looking for the Bad River Tribe in Wisconsin. [sarcasm]I can’t wait to see the state government mine the shit out of the piece of land they were forced on to [/sarcasm].
I gotta stay out of the political. The real significance of that image is who is wearing that shirt.
Element 2: Fuck a RAV4
I’m in a loaner RAV4 currently, while the Tacomer is getting fixed. For the last few months I’ve been on this “Fuck a RAV4” bend. I had no real merit except that I didn’t like them. THE GAME HAS CHANGED NOW MFers. But still, Fuck a RAV4. I got in it this morning and just start poking at what I assume is the stereo. This damn thing isn’t even outfitted with Bluetooth to stream the hot shit (podcasts) straight from my phone. Who are the Neanderthals buying these cars? I’m surprised it even has a steering wheel.
Finally, I connect with a preset and this gets dropped on me:
8:25AM and some station in Madison is bumping quota-pop from like 2Grand. Shit. Those are some advertising dollars being lost. I turned it up.
Element 3: STREAMED
This one popped up in my stream:
Trip Furtado, Bitchezz. You can’t even get on my level today.
†2x bonus for Minneapolis rock.