Big Snow Country

June 29th, 2015

You guys mind if I took February off? Doesn’t matter anyway, there was no down time. It pretty much shook out like this: I spent the last month writing a government website. Yep, an entire website. That’s a bitch of a task. Especially when the phrasing, important elements and overall tone of the piece kept changing direction. Even the client changed once. As in, “Oh yeah, that contact you have here, he’s gone. We think we’re going to go in this direction with the website.”

Luckily (I say that begrudgingly) the drop-dead date never changed so at

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some point things were settled one and we had to move beyond the writing and rewriting stages. I’m sure at some point, someone muttered, “Good enough for government work.”

Oh yeah I also worked a couple weekends in there to develop some new concepts that lost out to a fucking fishing lure.

Needless to say I have been neglecting the blog, the boards and the babes. Sorry ladies. But enough about all that.

This past weekend I rolled to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan for a short shredsesh with college dudes. Rolling up was long and my phone was in the process of crapping out on me, which made the drive even longer. I was just doing podcast after podcast, The great thing is that I did get to listen to Marc Maron interview Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner. Two legendary shows. Be sure to check them out.

The snow was improving the further I drove from Madison, but it wasn’t THAT much better. Then again I always forget how far north I have to drive. I mean I made it to Manitowish Water. That’s where all the Chicago gangsters went to get as far north as they could possibly go. Also Johnny Depp was killed here. But I had at least another hour of driving. When I hit Hurley and rolled down the world famous Silver Street I was also hit by “Holy fuck there is a lot of snow here.”

We’re talking roadside snow higher than the top of the Tacomer and parking lot snowbanks large enough to be considerable ski hills outside of Milwaukee. Fuck it, after a decade of getting shafted the Upper Penninsula and seemed to be back in business.

A decade ago this area of the country was averaging 250 inches of snow a year. It just started snowing and never really stopped until April or May. But the past decade saw a shift as season after season seemed to deliver less snow. In fact the total snowfall for 2011-2012 was so low, about 110 inches, that they had already topped that and it had really only been snow for six weeks. Enough of that, 150inches is more than enough to play around in.

I rolled into the accommodations at 3am dropped my gear and tried to grab some sleep. Back up at 8am to shove some cereal in my face and get out and ride. Did you catch the part where I mentioned I was up there with friends from college? That would explain why we were finally riding Powderhorn by 11am. I got involved in a game of SNOW with Colby and had Goose as a judge. I’m pretty sure Goose was watching other people ride as somehow I came out of the first round up 2-1. Yes we were playing a game that is scored with letter and I was given a numeric score.

That night we were joined by Jason G, whose sister sent cookies with him because she’s in love with Trevor. Or something like that. Whatever. They were delicious cookies. We went for dinner, had a waitress who got absolutely nothing about our order correct, and eventually has to stop by Silver Street. We made it in and out of a couple places without Goose falling in love so we called it a night and headed back to the lean-to for the night.

Saturday we were riding Blackjack because it is was right outside our door it. And this is where the trip gets significantly better. The dudes who’ve recently purchased Blackjack have been on the radar for a few years. The bought a couple of other dilapidated and shuttered ski areas around the state and are making them fun again. They still have some ground to make up but they are headed in the right direction.

I’m hearing this over and over from people, That Wisconsin is a lifetime behind Minnesota in snowboarding culture. It doesn’t need to be that way. I think a lot of it begins at the resorts and continues in the shops. Blackjack has taken a step in the right direction with park features that are fun and challenging and wickedly creative. And it showed they had dudes hammering their lower park all day. Just lapping the crap out of that tow-rope.

Contrast that with Indianhead. Their park was on a relatively flat run, eliminating the possibilities of pushing out a 5-6 feature run. The equipment was old and weathered. I looked at one box and had fears of tetanus transmission, even from the wood parts. And the two features in the best shape, two C-boxes, were shoved into a snowbank for ride-on status. The trouble is they were on the downside of the ride on, so the entire thing was approached blind.

Equipment like that is difficult to get loose on. If you’re completely new to the game it’s probably intimidating and confusing. Take some time consider how a park should be built and you’ll keep the kids coming back. If the kids want to come back, their parents will too.

So come on, Big Snow Country, get it together. They snow and customers are back right now. Get ‘em hooked and keep them coming.

2013-14: Tauf Aleph

March 7th, 2013

Thanks everybody.

2013-13: It’s All Replaceable

February 7th, 2013

There is no feeling quite as bizarre as boarding a flight with nothing but the clothes you’re wearing, a loaner backpack and an empty water bottle. And the only reason I had those two things was so I didn’t feel totally creepy. Moreso I felt embarrassed, hopeless and alone, but I still got on the plane.

I had to. I had no other choice, as some dickhead, Riverwester decided to smash in my window and steal all my luggage, a few hours before I was supposed to head to Denver for SIA. The good news is I made it. I landed, grabbed some replacement socks, underwears, tees, and kept on bopping. What else can a man do? It was better to be pist and surrounded by free beer and rad people, than to be pist at home, alone on the couch.

And I did get free beer, and I did meet good people, and I did see rad things.

The Free Beer:

Shout out to everyone who helped ease my pain. Ezra at C3, and thus the Nose, kept me moving for a few hours. Dale and the people at flow had a few cans for me, as did the Rome guys. Keith, Lauren and the Burton crew fed me beer and liquor. Several times too. Which was great!

The Burton crew was also rad enough to toss me a couple tees to wear. Thanks for that, gentlemen.

Also, a tip of the hat to Adidas for bringing in coffee guys who kept me going before beer time every day.

The Rad People:

I was a bit distracted this year, I’m not gonna lie. I was dealing with insurance from 1200 miles away and trying to figure out what I lost and what I still had. In fact I’m still finding new things I’ve lost on the daily. But it’s all replaceable. That has pretty much become my mantra.

Anyway, the Yobeat crew. Those dudes are pushing it so hard. It’s an honor to get to hang with them and see what they are doing with that little website. I’m pretty lucky Brooke thinks I’m funny enough to prop up.

Nick Green is back in the Midwest, where he belongs, repping the crap out of Skullcandy. Lauren O from Burton is a friggin’ peach and so very helpful. I actually got to spend a fair amount of time talking with Ezra from C3 and that dude has some history. Super interesting to hang with him for a minute.

I also met Steve from Bird’s Eye in Brooklyn. I like that guy. He cares about the scene and seems like a rad guy. I would recommend conversation with Steve to other conversationalists. And you can even buy things from his shop.

Then I met this dude:

Jesse is all around solid. I felt bad for busting out on him so quickly, but I’m pretty sure I’ll speak with him again. There are some goofy images of the two of us running around on instergramps. Thanks to his lady for making that the love connection happen. Plus, he said he read this blog. That’s also a good ego stroker.

Burritos was in the house, but we all know that.

Old enets compatriots, James and Caitlyn were in the place as well. Fuck, those two are good people. It seems that James has something happening over on Shradtastic, so you might want to check that out. Another old enetster, Jgriffs, is now a Denver local and made sure the nights were super rad. THANKS, J GRIFFS!

Then of course there was Dale Rehberg, Chanelle Sladics, Dave Downing and Chad Otterstrom, who gave me some time. But we’ll get more into that later.

The Things That Were Seen:

This is the woman I call Boss (Bonus: Nose sighting).

Oh hey, Adidas is making boots as well as coffee. They look good as well.

It’s good to know Awesome will be safe for another season.

This Endeavor board was pretty much the best looking thing at the show.

Understairs Jesus with a couple broads named Jenny.

This coat is almost better than getting a tattoo of tattoo gun drawing a tattoo of a tattoo gun.

I apologize for the crappy images, my phone was all I had. Probably should have made them all 3D.

Speaking of things I didn’t have.

Here’s the list of what was lost

  • 1 MacBook Air
  • 1 160gb iPod Classic
  • 1 iPad 2 16gig and cover
  • 1 Rode Podcaster mic
  • 1 Rode Podcaster shockmount
  • 1 Audio Technica AT2020 mic
  • 1 Nikon Coolpix p7000
  • 1 Sony Bloggie
  • 1 Dental mouthguard
  • 1 pair prescription Gucci glasses
  • 1 pair prescription Ray Ban Square Wayfarer sunglasses
  • 2 mic stands
  • 1 Burton Riders Bag
  • 1 Burton Focus Pack
  • 1 Gravis Sidearm pack
  • 1 North Face Recon pack
  • 1 pair Benny Gold Gold Standard denims
  • 1 Pair B Son pants
  • 1 Benny Gold button-up shirt
  • 1 Stussy Toronto sweatshirt
  • 3 pairs Huf Plantlife socks
  • 4 Hanes Perfect Fit tees
  • 1 Upper Playground Shinagist tee
  • 1 Upper Playground UP zip-up sweatshirt
  • 1 Aculpulco Gold Jodie Foster tee
  • 1 Uniqlo flannel
  • 2 J Crew button-ups
  • 4 pairs of underwear
  • 1 pair Ariel 7 Phoenix Headphones
  • 1 LL Bean monogrammed personal organizer
  • 1 Gorilla Grip Tripod
  • 1 Coal Mason bamboo and cashmere

    hat

  • 1 Sigg 32oz water bottle
  • 1 Obey Scarf
  • 4 8gb memory cards

Again, fuck Riverwest and whoever heisted all my gear.

Be well, and remember that it is all replaceable.

2013-11: Remember the year 2000? It seems some of us are still there.

January 29th, 2013

Thanks to Larsma: I now know about this:

I’m not even gonna break this down. Just know that every single second of this video is horrible.

Also, Bam has perfected the nothern-wisconsin hunter man shitbag facial hair.

Listen up, if you want some real-deal info on putting your peep in you butt, I documented it three years ago, you can read it, right here in this Classic Rumorator Post.

Funny how the shame hasn’t even set in that post yet.

Double Down Like KFC:

Thanks to the dude over at Illicit Snowboarding I’m pretty sure I need a horse head fleece. I should be product testing those.

Lastly:

I am so stoked on what’s going down over the next few days. Big tings,man. Rude boiz, What what.

My take on this year’s X Games…

January 28th, 2013

Well…the Shaun White Lovefest that is the X Games came & went this past week/weekend. And whether you watched it or not (because you’re boycotting it until they reinstate modified shovel racing as an event) nothing will change the fact that it happened.

Before I get to that though, I’d just like to tell you that I went and played snowboards 3 times since my last post. 3. Because I like to P-A-R-T-Y. Once in drizzly rain & freezing fog, once on a relatively warm night and once more at night, but in single degree temperatures. Why? Because I’m a fucking G and I got me a new Burton Custom FV 160 Muppet’s (Dr. Teeth) board and needs to be stood upon and slid downhill, that’s why. Each time, my buddy Jordan who I taught how to ride the day before Turkey Day was with me. He’s getting pretty good at it. He’s even got his own set up now. He’s hooked.

Anyhow…back to the X Games. I got some thoughts I’d like to share about them. Here we go!

THE GOOD

• Shaun White’s pipe run: 24 feet of air on the first hit? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s quarter pipe-type air we’re talking about! While his run lacked style, even the most outspoken SW hater couldn’t argue that his 2nd run wasn’t the best run of the night, and that he desevred to win. What I hate though, is that that run was better than his winning run last year, and it got a 98, but last year he got a “perfect” 100.

• The sign Scotty Lago’s dog wore: “That’s my daddy”…? Fucking awesome.

• Ayumu Hirano: that little dude went OFF last night in the finals, and earned 2nd place. Oh, he’s 14 years old, 5’2″ & in 8th grade. Dude is gonna be nasty and take lots of top podium spots…unless judges decide to fuck him over like his fellow countryman, Kazu Kokubo.

• Elena Hight: She keeps getting better.

• The Swedish Chef “This is SportsCenter” commercial: Damn I love me some Muppets. However, after the 19th time, I was getting tired of it.

• The Mighty Ducks: Sorry, this has nothing to with the X Games. It’s just currently on while I’m typing this up. QUACK, you cake eater!

THE BAD

• Just about EVERY other commercial: HOLY SHIT! How many times can the same commercial be played…over and over and over…in the span of 4 days?!? Has anyone in the history of watching the X Games been persuaded to enlist with the NAVY while watching the X Games? “I like shredding, so logically, I’ll join the Navy, where they do a shit ton of winter sports. Gonna jump in my JEEP, call Geico for low rates, guzzle a Red Bull and drive to the Taco Bell for some fourth meal before I head on down to the recruiter’s office.”

• BoarderCross, as well as SkierCross, is no more: Apparently, the decision to end BX in the X Games was made in August, but I didn’t find out until Wednesday. I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why they would take out out the most gnar event from the X Games. They left in SnoCross and Speed & Style, all performed on snowmobiles. You know what I did when that came on? Said “Fuck this shit!” and took a nap on the couch, falling asleep while watching Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader on GSN. Turns out, I’m not. But seriously…SnoCross might as well just be winter NASCAR. Dude who won beat the entire field by 11 seconds. And there was 16 fucking laps of that boring ass shit. But they cut the one event that is retardedly fast paced and more exciting than the the championship peewee hockey game between the Hawks and the Ducks, (Sorry…still watching Mighty Ducks. DAMN Charlie stepped up on that penalty shot). Also, not having a BX contest this year robbed all of us from seeing how Lindsey Jacobellis was going to fuck up winning right before the finish line.

• Shaun White’s choice of attire: Can anyone tell me why SW thought looking like the Gimp was a good look? Dude looked like he was an extra at the Blue Oyster Bar from Police Academy. He needs to dump that coach of his if that dude isn’t stepping up and telling him that he needs to cut the leather daddy Hot Topic bullshit.

• Scotty Lago’s drop in: “YEA! LAGO IS THE LAST DUDE THAT CAN WIN DROPPING IN! PRIDE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE RIGHT THERE! HE’S GONNA GIVE SHAUN A RUN FOR HIS MON-oh…WTF? He fell dropping IN to the pipe? Awesome. What else is on tv?”

• ESPN basically verbally blowing SW: Any and every chance they got, they were hyping him up. Sure he won the pipe, but still…when another rider is about to drop in, and the camera is glued on SW…enough is a enough.

• Keir Dillon Announcing: Not trying to hate on him, but he sucked. Sounds like he’s been huffing helium & his on-camera appearances were so uncomfortable and odd. FUN SIDE NOTE: Keir & I almost came to fisticuffs at the US Open in 2003 or 2004; I can’t recall exactly which year it was. But we’re good now.

• Skier attempting a 1980 in Big Air: Five and a half rotations? Really? That’s not even cool. Next year, maybe when they get rid of another event that is awesome, like Slopestyle, they can replace it with Super Twirling. First person to get a nosebleed wins. X-TREME!!!

THE UGLY

• Kelly Clark: Look…I’m no catch…and neither is shim.

• Rogue sled into the crowd: The Aussie motocross turned freestyle snowmobile dude had less than 4 hours on a sled, total, in his lifetime. Yeah…that seems safe. While his fancy trick was pretty cool, he somehow got his sled to ghost ride into the crowd, injuring a teenage bystander. Made me think of this song, (which in turn made me think of riding, jetlagged and stoned out of my mind in the thin ColoRADo air at Echo Mountain Park, RIP, and getting my boogie on alongside Loaf & Zagbeast the Hoebag):

Well…that’s all for now. Flame away.

-CLK

2013-10: On Snowboarding and Projection of Self-Perception

January 25th, 2013

You guys seeing this showdown between Shaun White and Mark McMorris? Shit. I can’t even imagine the pressure on those two. If McMorris doesn’t win, he comes off looking like a real deal asshole. And if he does win, Shaun has to go home and cry on his bed made of gold medals and cash and a ridiculous legacy.

I was really trying to avoid Xgamesy stuff. But I had to watch this video, simply because a Helgason put it out:

X GAMES Slope style quallyz a Snowboarding video by Helgasons

Holy shit. Look right there, in the background. Shaun White is co-mingling with other riders. He’s not sequestered in a private Shaun White Stride Gums Lounge. Is this a new Shaun White we are seeing?

People love to go off about who’s going to beat Shaun White, and it’s going to start happening—probably consistently and probably soon. The guy has been on top for a decade now. I’ve wondered time and time again if snowboarding is even fun for Shaun White. It never seemed to be about screwing around with friends, it was about winning. Now I’m wondering if it isn’t getting a bit old for him.

Can he put his game together tight enough to take home medals in halfpipe and slopestyle in Sochi?

What if he did it and walked away? What if he pulled a Craig on us? What if he stepped off that Russian podium, walked into the mountains and never came back? Would we still spit vitriol at him? Would we still blame him for ruining snowboarding?

But that is tangential. I’m here to discuss a young dude that is making me  happy that I still follow snowboarding.

Jamie Nicholls, who I once bagged on for being from the UK. This kid is the raddest in the game right now. First off, he is an impressively good rider. You can see him get loose at the Nike Chosen event last year:

Now consider that he grew up riding dry slopes, because he was from the UK.

But apart from that the kid is straight-up 18-year old. He’s out there with friends and having a good time.  Blasting off tweets like this:

Then jock-poppa in charge of snowboarding in the UK reprimands him.

In a shocking turn of events, Jock-poppa gets charged at because this is snowboarding and it’s all about having fun and screwing off, it’s not rugby and he backs down, admitting he needs to learn to roll. You don’t see the game get played like that in the USA.

Jamie Nicholls, free to be young again, heads off to Quebec for a contest. He makes it through to the finals, but doesn’t do as well as he hoped to, so he puts out something like an apology on the tweets.

WhoTF is this dude? Dude just brushes it off, essentially says “I’ll do better next time” and goes to hit street rails. Perhaps he feels like he owes his followers this, because he’s on the dole, sucking from the titty of the British sporting public (In case you missed that part). It seems like a noble thing to do.

More importantly it seems like a well-adjusted thing to do. This dude is 18 and apparently has been on the British scene since he was six. Contrast that to Shaun White who played that role for those of us in the US. Shaun has always been on a pedestal. Whether it was self-imposed or done at the bidding of other forces, Shaun has existed completely outside of snowboarding. It’s part of what has allowed him to be so successful, but it’s one of the biggest factors having lead to the incessant Shaun-bashing.

Honestly I hope this kid keeps ripping the shit out of things. According to the European connection, riders like Jamie and his pal Billy Morgan have a good chance of blowing up before they head to Sochi. And, It doesn’t hurt to have the likes of Nike and Salomon behind you. The guy is headed for great things, and he may never really hit it big stateside, but I really hope the next group of contest kids, and more importantly their parents and (for fuck’s sake) coaches, take note on how to be awesome for yourself, your friends and the whole shred game.

 

***The screen grabs I used came from Whitelines article about the twitter kerfuffle, which you can read here.

2013-9: The Best Laid Plans or FPO

January 24th, 2013

Man, I’ve was working on a bruiser, but then it turned into some Jerry Maguire piece. Mega meta head piece. I had to abort. I’ll keep reworking it and maybe someday it will be released into the wild. But until then, get with this:

I don’t remember that show being so focused on that girl’s boobs.

2013-8: Trip Corks and Gun Culture

January 23rd, 2013

Christ, I know what you’re thinking.
Get your shit together, Rumorator. You said this was the year you would pump out more than 16 crap-assed posts. Prove it numbnuts.
Shit, dude I’ve been writing some hackneyed government website for the past couple of weeks. It’s hard being a pinko these days.

But on with the show, eh.

The Beginning: Triple corked the fuck outta shit.
Guys, big news Shaun White triple corked a slopestyle jump (or as us regulars call it, “a jump”). You can see it over on Yobeat, or like everywhere else.

But the more important Shaun White element was that he was on hit NBC show Goon, starring that dude from Friends. The one the was always saying “Whoa!” and “Bada Bing!”  That dude is on the sequel to Friends and the show had Shaun White guest starring as Shawn Whyte “The greatest snowboarder of all fictional time™” and to talk about Stride gums.

I actually watched this, and you can too. And honestly, The Blanco was not the worst thing about this show. And this show is not the worst thing on TV. At the same time, it doesn’t really excel as a show. It just falls flat. I assume it will get cancelled. But hey, thanks for advancing the idea that all of snowboarding is just Shaun White.

Dude does triple corks, you know, right?

NEXT!
A couple weeks ago my Milwaukee host family, Chip and Metal Brian and 2nd cousin N8zilla, were heading to northern Wisconsin to spend time at a place they just referred to as The Bus. I really tried to flake out on this. I didn’t like giving up a good shred weekend to drive four hours north.

But then things, changed up. The weather turned warm. It was suddenly perfect for northern Wisconsin-ing, and crap for snowboarding. I realized that at some point, every man wants to hang out at a place called “The Bus”. To be at such a place, just to talk shit with friends and drink beers outside is a pretty rad. Plus I learned it was wasn’t really that far away.

It still took forever to get there Friday night. Super dense fog had me travelling 35mph on the freeway and then stuck in the delightful little town of Wittenberg for over an hour. I wasn’t actually stuck but the fog was not letting me find my way out. It was like the Eagles said, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. And we make incredibly shitty music.”

Eventually, I made it and the first  thought to enter my head was, “This is where people go to die. This is literally a bus in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of Wisconsin.” I ignored that feeling as I have like 3 other times in my life, just took a seat and got into some boozes.

The night consisted of sitting by a fire, drinking whiskey, drinking beer, poking sticks into the fire, trying to bake a potato, telling jokes, listening to black metal, listening to Paul Scheer review Anaconda,  and listening to Mysterious Universe Plus episodes. It was shaping up to be a good evening, then I looked over to the condiments table and a saw this laying there:

This led into an hour-long discussion about how uncomfortable I was with a handgun just hanging out.   Then I suggested a game that involved Chip and I make  a game of doing donuts in our trucks while everyone else tries to shoot the tires . Nobody else was feeling that. Gun culture is still beyond me.

And to address the Chekhov in the room, the gun was fired at a few cans and a metal target, which may have been a frying pan, hanging in a tree.

Dream vacation in the Dells. Hot Pic. Sorry.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING ON THE TIRE?

Trucksterist

Back to the Boards
In the past 10 days both The New York Times and The LA Times (Is that even a real newspaper, or is the LA Times like City Pages for Silverlake?) took the shred game to task.

The LA version naturally just talked about how rad skiing is. This is typical coverage. Snowboarders have always been the foil, so when the recent snowboarding bubble pops, it’s never about how trends are cyclical. The LA Times makes it about how skiing is what’s cool and everyone always comes back to skiing. To the LA Times snowboarding is just a phase you go through, like jewish girls, or other dudes. Snowboarding was never anything real, it was simply a fling. Now let’s get back to what’s important here, that being skiing.

The New York Times, America’s paper of record, uses the same jumping off point, but then addresses how snowboarding hasn’t built in a contingency plan. Snowboardist are essentially drowning themselves in the hottub.

If these predictions are accurate, we’re looking at a 20-30 percent drop in ridership. At first glance that might seem awesome. Less kids sitting around, fucking the whole scene up, right? And most of those kids don’t stick with it anyway. Except for the few of them who become the core riders. But 20-30 percent is a pretty significant drop for the industry. Fewer boards, boots, gloves coats, goggles, neck gaiters. All that shit will take a hit.

Of course, you could say that those that are being skimmed off are probably part of the problem in snowboarding. I feel confident assuming most of the skimmed do not get their gear from the core shops and thus aren’t really impacted those of us who are core+. There may be a new lull in snowboarding coming, and now that we have basked in the good life, are we ready to slink back into the background. Sure. Why not?

Fucking gun culture.

2013-7: Fake MeatTaco Tuesday ’round Here.

January 15th, 2013

1nd
Well, it seems I gambled and lost on buying my Denver ticket this year. Should have just grabbed one when they were $220. Now they’re creeping towards $500. Gross. Actually considering driving the Tacomer out there. Jesus, that would be shitty.

Honestly I have made that drive, and other drives just like it so many times. I’ve driven six hours to ride for two in the past. But now that just seems excessive. Perhaps some of the youthful stoke is gone. Or is it just the energy? Dammit. I cannot be that old yet.

I might have to round up the old crew an see if anyone else is down for road tripping. Fuck it. I’ll just buy the damn ticket.

Now you’re probably like, “Oh, Rumorator, you piece of shit, why are you going to Denver. You gonna rent cars and drive around and maybe ride some snowboards?”

Nope. Just talking to people, trying to give foolz something interesting to look at and read about. Maybe even something to listen to. How’s that for a fucking teaser. Yes.

Speaking of Yes now boards. I got hit in the face with one of their shirts the other day.  So now I own it. Dang. We’re playing by Birch Street rules round here.

2th Rise of the Micro Edit

I’m kinda unsure who to blame this on, but I’m going to go with the media. We have shit like the XGames Real Snow conditioning us to watch edits that are 1:15 long. In this fast-paced media landscape, that’s all the typical brain can process before it shuffles back over to boobs and asses.

I mean that’s kinda true, but on the other hand, it’s not like a 3-minute edit is the worst. Unless it is, you know, the worst.  Take the latest submission from Yawgoons. That thing could be six minutes long and I’d still sit through it 5-6 times. But that one is pretty much the opposite of worst.

Exploring the logical extremes we have to look at what we used to have: Full movies with heaps of well-known riders. Everything was polished. Shit, Mark Frank was lighting blunts off hundred dolla-dolla bills, y’all. But that didn’t matter because you were probably asleep by then. All the slow-motion footage was a drag.

If you go way back you were even watching this shit on VHS and you’d have to rewind just to catch Peter Line’s part in the Melt Down Project. Ugh, why was it the credits that always woke you up?  Times was tuff.

At the other end we have 1:15 edits. Which, when done wrong is the worst minute plus of your life.

Let’s take a look at this edit:

Mammouth Durette from Snowboard Jamboree on Vimeo.

I’m not insulting this dudes ridermanship. He’s fairly killer and the ender is a proper ender. But we are looking at 15 shots here. Some are just different angles, so it’s like 12 tricks. Plus, the first 16 seconds are just promo stuff.  He put out a :51 second edit. Crazed. Good for him for having a beer sponsor, though. That’s a strong move.  I need to get one of those.

Now, let’s extrapolate more. How many seasons until we have just one-trick edits? Imagine, 20 seconds of intro, then BOOM! Opening shot, ender, all the filler, all in one.  This dude had it locked 10 years ago.

3st
Do you guys realize the amount of work that went into that “Birch Street rules” line? RESEARCHED.

4rd
Since we’re on the topic of edits, smash your head on this wall.

2013-6: Hey, I’ve Been There

January 11th, 2013

Part !:
This is now out there:

Maybe you don’t like the raps. Maybe you think dude number one looks too much like J Casanova. Maybe you’re still stuck in that 1987 mentality and thinking, “I don’t think this stuff is for real.”

Whatever, get over it. These guys have been shuffling around Milwaukee for a while, so it was cool to see them get up here. (I have no clue how MTV Hive works. Perhaps anyone can just post up shit, and it’s all just user generated. I hope it’s a bit more selective than that. If you do know the ins and outs of the MTV Hive, please do not tell me. the less I know of that organization the better.)

Also, Check out that mean shopping scene with rapper #2. I know that place. I hang out in that place.

Nice product placement by the guys at MODA3. It’s the most legit shop around. if you’re ever in Milwaukee, you need to check it out.

Peaced out for the weekend. Sleeping outside and riding snowboards in a speed suit. Catch you MFers on Monday.