In case you missed it summer’s done. No more kicking it in the hammock, No more beach vollyball with girls in bikinis. No more going out dressed all in white and wearing flip-flops like a frat boy. I’m talking to you Goosefeather!

So, yeah summer is over. Winter is coming. Time to shift into shrad mode. But in case you’re lagging, here are 25 simple steps to close out your summer the right way, with 70 other people.

Step 1: Wake up late. Weigh your options and decide not to shower.
Step 2: Think to yourself,  “I can’t believe I have to pack the 3L shell for today. Weather. Wisconsin. Whatever.”
Step 3: Drive the Silver Spurt to the suburbs to pick up History Channel. Curse the suburbs the entire time. Remind him that the suburbs are garbage when he gets in the vehicle.
Step 4: Get coffee at Starbucks, because in the suburbs you’re only other option is Caribou Coffee, which is less like coffee and more like dessert in a cup. That crap is for single moms and Olive Garden diners. I don’t drink that. Specify to the dude at the GhostRide-thru, “3 ice cubes MFer.”
Step 5: Promptly spill coffee on yourself.
Step 6: Arrive at Miller Park. Make a joke to the parking lot attendant about today being “free day” because apparently you’re like 65. Let him respond, “Is anything free today?” Let History channel reply “Love,” like a damn hippie. 5 minutes later realize the correct response would have been, “Well I know it’s not free, but I heard a ride on your daughter is pretty cheap.” Consider leaving the lot just to drive in again and toss that line at the attendant.”
Step 7: Join the MODA3 crew under a tent and think about what a great day it is.

Step 8: Have breakfast of chips and guacamole.
Step 8.5: Take note of Keef Love in full winter garb—beanie, AK,  transceiver and backcountry pack loaded with approximately zero (0) drinks.
Step 9: Finish coffee.
Step 10: Make a mimosa.
Step 11: Be fucking blown away when you see N8ziller arrive in this shirt:

Step 12: Eat meat #1
Step 13: Spend the next 3 hours laughing at N8ziller and Why B because they’re wicked funny.

Step 14: Take note that Keef Love is now in a white v-neck tee. Beanie still on.
Step 14.5: Meat 2.0
Step 15: Get into the baseball game by the third inning and immediately lose History Channel.
Step 16: Show your thanks to Keylo, for organizing the whole day, by putting shit on his hat.

Step 17: Find out that Keef Love got some “Too-good-to-sit-with-the-plebians, fancy” seats. Sense he is changing clothes again. It’s like a disturbance in the force.
Step 17.5: Regret not showering
Step 18: Get bored watching the Brewers’ pitching give away another game and start building a smiley face of peanut shells on Ray’s back.

Step 19: Leave the game after the eighth inning because the Brewers have left you with only one thing to say, “At least we’re not the Cubs”
Step 20: Back to the parking lot and find out History Channel joined Keef Love in the fancy seats, but since he didn’t have a ticket he let Bluetooth sit on his lap. Or maybe he sat on hers. Not sure on that one, but the main thing to note here: Bluetooth.

Step 20.5 Keef costume change #4
Step 21: Meat #3
Step 22: Meat #4
Step 23: Serve a hot dog to a lady from Alaska. Almost get run over by her.
Step 23.5: Get the shake down from Jake.
Step 24: “Oh, What up Dip Lips”
Step 24.5: Now Keef isn’t even wearing a shirt.
Step 25: Finally find out how to “Dougie.”

Winter is coming.

Tags: Brewers, Dip Lips, Dr. Dre Tee-shirts, Ghost Riding the Whip, Holidays, Lazy Summer Days, Meats, My friend Keylo organizes the best parties, the cubs suck

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 7th, 2010 at 10:36 am and is filed under A Very Special Rumorator. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.