Summer Retreat

Camped out at the summer home. Where you gonna find me?
Pedaling a bike? Perhaps.
Listening to raps? Yup.
Trying to live an entire month pushing out asparagus pee? Like a fact factory.

Really though, the summer home is similar in location and design to the winter estate. In fact, I’ve built an exact replica of the estate, directly adjacent to the aforementioned estate. From this summer forward, the winter estate shall be known as Briarsnatch (as it always has been) and the summer home shall be referred to simply as Corriander Falls at Fetal Acres.

To say it is a replica is no exaggeration. Everything is the same. Floor plan, the over-sized Dead Kennedys poster used as a shower curtain, the fireman/stripper/fireman-stripper pole that connects all three floors.

Still The NPR crowd keeps rapping:

Please, for the sake of humanity stop making raps. It does no one any good.
Unless you’re these guys:

How the balls does the Whole Foods song have more views than Meter Feeder? This is what’s wrong with America.
New goal in life: grow Aesop Rock hair.

The second part:

I did get a new helmet.

And that’s a plus because I’ve taken to crashing my bike all over the place.

For those of you who care, it’s a SixSixOne Recon Helmet. And if anyone says it doesn’t fit on a large head, they are lying to you. Shit it protective. Shit is somewhat radder. Shit is designed for the large headed. Shit is A+ in my book.

The Triumvirate:

Humboldt Fog is pretty legit. Whole Foods rappist had that part right.

Four:

What do you know about running a Nissan Leaf off a Tesla Coil? IS IT DOABLE? I might need TheFlawsyFiles to put me in touch with Bill Nye the science guy on this one.

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3 Responses to “Summer Retreat”

  1. a says:

    ARRRGGHHH on the goofyrapps. Always and forever.

    Bill Nye was very sick recently, like I think a heart attack or some shit. I’ll check tho.

    I forgot my helmet twenty minutes into my drive to go mtbkng. If it wasn’t 6:30 on a Saturday, I’d've pulled into a bike shoppe and copped a new one. Instead, I turned around and drove all the way home. Time to get a spare helmet that always hangs in The Van izwotimsayn right

  2. Steven says:

    Just know that if you find that your red Ray Bans are missing, it wasn’t me.

  3. rumorator says:

    They are currently missing…

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