An interview with Kent K. at AT&T

So yeah, I moved. 

And that means I needed some new services. So I live chatted with my homey Kent. K.

Double K initials. Reminds me of Kimmy Kazzlow. Remember her? Cute face. Texas drawl. Huge boobs. Smoked camel lights. Wasn’t nearly as punk rock as her older sister. Shit, you remember.

I should have cyberspace in the place soon. 

Here’s how my interview went with Kent:

AT&T product specialists are happy to assist you with your questions. Click below to begin your live text chat. Chat representatives will not have access to your personal account. This service is provided to you under AT&Ts Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy.

Hello and welcome to AT&T, my name is Kent K.. I specialize in setting up new AT&T High Speed Internet. Please provide me with the complete address where you would like Internet service connected.

Kent K.: Hello! How may I assist you today?

you: 334 ***** ** suite 3 Madison WI 53704

Kent K.: Thank you for that information. Which services are you planning to order today?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: I’m looking for a slick deal on for internet service

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: doubly so, apparently

Kent K.: I’d be happy to assist you in setting up Internet Service.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Kent, It seems I have altered my name

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: this could get troublesome

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Anyway, what kind of rad service and options have you got for me?

Kent K.: No problems!  Do you currently have an existing AT&T service or do you have services with another provider?

Kent K.: Please bear with me for a few moments while I check the available services at your address.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: nope. Moving into a new joint, and need some service for myself.

Kent K.: Thank you for the clarification.

Kent K.: While checking the available services at your address, let me go ahead and ask you some questions to better assist you in finding the best package that fits your needs.

Kent K.: While checking the available services at your address, let me go ahead and ask you some questions to better assist you in finding the best package that fits your needs.

Kent K.: What kind of things are you interested in using the Internet for in your home (i.e. downloading music, watching videos, gaming, pictures, etc.)?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: A lot of music and streaming ridiculous amounts of movies

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: I mean that’s what most people are using the Enets for these days, right?

Kent K.: We couldn’t find the exact address you provided.

Kent K.: Do you know if your street has a directional designation, such as NE for “northeast” or SW or “southwest”? If so, let’s add that to the address and then try again.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Nope, No directional. That was the issue I had with the website. Thus I am here, live chatting with Kent K

Kent K.: Is 334 ***** ** Suite 3 Madison WI 53704 is your complete address or there is not any street number or building number?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Nope no building number

Kent K.: Please bear with me. Let me check the U-Verse availability.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Perhaps my new joint only exists in the U-verse.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: You know what they say…

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: “At this time we have no proof that the sasquatch is able to travel inter-dimensionally.”

Kent K.: Is  334 ***** ** APT 3,  MADISON,  WI  53704 your address? In place of  suite 3 can we use Apt 3?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Sure.

Kent K.: Then I have a great news for you.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: But please don’t call it “lot 3.” I don’t want people thinking I live in a trailer park.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: SHARE THE NEWS KENT!

Kent K.: Do not worry! Congratulations! We offer U-Verse Internet service at your address.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Tell me about this alternate U-verse

Kent K.: AT&T U-verse service is 100% digital television delivered over an Internet Protocol (IP) platform using fiber optic technology. AT&T U-verse also offers High Speed Internet and Voice (in limited areas) over IP access into your home.

Kent K.: It is much faster than traditional AT&T DSL service.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Is this a Fiber to Home set up?

Kent K.: AT&T U-verse is delivered over an Internet Protocol (IP) platform using fiber-to-the-node (FTTN) or fiber-to-the-premises (FTTP) technologies.

Kent K.: Let’s go ahead and get you set up today so you can start enjoying the services.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Whoa whoa whoa

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: What are the up and down speeds here?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: and What are the costs?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: I do look forward to enjoying some enetz services.

Kent K.: We have different plans based on your usage starting from $19.95 to $24.95 for first 12 month.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: 12 month contract with those set-ups?

Kent K.: Please bear with me let me check the contract information.

Kent K.: AT&T U-verse High Speed Internet Direct Elite. It will give you up to 6Mbps download speed and up to 768Kbps upload speed which is best suited for home networking, streaming video, online gaming, downloading movies, and sharing photos for $24.95 per month for 12 months with no term commitment.

Kent K.: At the end of 12 months, the regular full monthly rate of $48 for AT&T U-verse High Speed Internet Direct Elite will apply.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Okay this is a start

Kent K.: How does that sound?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Lets shoot for 18 down 2 up

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Talking about speeds here

Kent K.: Are you looking for a plan which can give you upto 18Mbps downstream?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Fact!

Kent K.: We have one more plan in your area which is  AT&T U-verse High Speed Internet Direct Max which will give you download speed of up to 12Mbps and up to 1.5Mbps upload speed perfect for downloading multimedia files like movies and music or uploading other huge files for $29.95 per month for 12 months.

Kent K.: At the end of 12 months, the regular full monthly rate of $48 for AT&T U-verse High Speed Internet Direct Max will apply.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: This sounds better

Kent K.: However if you want to order this plan, you will have to call our Customer Service Department at 1-800-288-2020. We can not place an order online for this plan.

Kent K.: I apologize for the inconvenience.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Now lets get on the “honesty is the best policy train.”

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: what other fees are involved

Kent K.: I will be happy to provide with the information.

Kent K.: There will be a one time equipment cost and installation charges.

Kent K.: You can opt for Self Install that will be free of charge.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: is this a plug and play kind of thing?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: I could handle something easy like that. I’ve plugged things in before.

Kent K.: AT&T U-verse is delivered over an Internet Protocol (IP) platform using fiber-to-the-node (FTTN) or fiber-to-the-premises (FTTP) technologies.

Kent K.: If you want data cards to run Internet. Our department do not deal with that, I can transfer this chat to a different department.

Kent K.: U-Verse will come with Wireless Router.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Well what are the installation charges.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: I mean I can plug in a router.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: This would be so much easier if my neighbors would just unlock their wifi system. You know what I’m saying?

Kent K.: you can use Internet Wirelessly in your home with Wireless Router.

Kent K.: You will be able to do self installation on your own because it comes with an instructional CD else Technical Installation cost $149.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Okay so then my monthly costs will just be $29.95 plus taxes?

Kent K.: That is correct.

Kent K.: $29.95 For 12 months.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Are there weird fees added on to that?

Kent K.: No, it will be $29.95 plus taxes.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: I like the way this sounds Kent K.

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: So I have to call in to get this set up?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: Seems like a funny approach for servicing the enets

Kent K.: I apologize for the inconvenience. Yes, for this particular plan we have to call Customer Service Department at 1-800-288-2020, for other plans we can set up right now.

Kent K.: Is there anything else that I may help you with today?

Im looking for a slick deal on some internet service: well okay. I thank you for your time Kent K. I trust that the Flying Spaghetti Monster will guide all of your days.

2 Responses to “An interview with Kent K. at AT&T”

  1. Pastafari says:

    Hold up. So for the first year, moving from “Elite” to “Max” (pretty sure the premium liquor rule applies here) which doubles both your down and up speeds is $5/mo, then afterward they are the same price. Kent K is one shady-ass deal-holding-back motherfucker. I pray the only guiding the FSM gives him is a towel snap to the meatballs. rAmen.

  2. rumorator says:

    I totally noticed that about the prices after the promo expires. However, after that promo expires, I have full intentions of switching to charter for one of their promo rates. Or just hopping on a different AT&T one.

Leave a Reply