Welcome back. Now we’re going talk about advertising. We’re going to cover two commercials. One I like, and another I find ridiculous and annoying. Let’s get to the goods first.

Ad #1

Here we have two things I typically don’t care for. American cars and Shaqnosis. And while this commercial hasn’t changed my mind about Buicks, I do think Shaq is a little bit more entertaining now. Break it down, this commercial starts off with the unexpected. “Shaq, size authority.” Not a certified title, but obvious and kinda out of step with the Buick persona. Then of course there is the usual car ad blah blah blah spoken by Shaq rather than the car-porn voice over guy. Then Shaq is in the car and essentially lays down some shit on all the Priustopedes and other hybridia.

Dang! Did you feel that? TOM SERVO. Shake hasn’t handed down that much dominance since Kazaam! (What up, Hattie!)
The ad could have ended right there and been 100% , but whatever the creative ends there, so fuck it. It’s a sensible ad and should grab the attention of a lot of people who probably have never noticed Buick before.

Ad #2

Watch this:

Okay, so there are only a few possible times when the question, “Is that rain?” makes sense:
• If you are a child who has lived a life sheltered from rain. Never having experienced precipitation, and only having heard the word “rain.”
• If you live in the desert. But if that’s the case, you tend to ask with a different inflection, “Is that…rain?”
• If you just woke up.

Let’s rule out the obvious.  Zooey D has not lived a life sheltered from rain. Even though a quick image search couldn’t come up with a pic of her in the rain, I’m going to stand by thisassumption. To rule out the second option I draw your attention to the flowers and greenery outside of the window as well as the forecast projected on her iFone. She is not in a desert.

So maybe it’s morning. Fuck, it has to be. ZD is still wearing pajamas. This makes sense now, right?

Wrong? I want to order some tomato soup. Tomato soup for breakfast? I mean it’s morning and you’re in your pajamas and you’re gonna scarf some Tomato soup? Unlikely, mama. Mornings are for waffles or puffins or toast and free range, antibiotic and hormone free eggs. Tomato soup? You don’t want to take in that much sodium early in the morning. You trying to get bloated? You wanna live in those pajama pants forever? Is that what you want, Mama? NaCl?

But her excuse is that she doesn’t want to put on real shoes? I guess imaginary ones are totally fine.

If I were walking down the street and someone said, “Oh hey, there’s Zooey Deschanel.” I would think, ‘Damn, I want to see this.” However if somebody said “Hey there’s Zooey Deschanel, putting on imaginary shoes,” I would think, “Of course she is. She’s quirky. Oh hey, there’s Bagger Vance.” I should also admit this is Madison and public quirkiness hardly even phazers-to-stuns me anymore.

Up next ZD opts to put off cleaning her house. Let’s assume she slept late. Maybe it’s 10:30 in the morning. And she is already putting things off. At least pretend you are going to take care of it until like 6pm. Then you can put it off. The ante meridiem ambition lack is not a good look. With zero drive, how are you going to quirk it out.

Lastly, dancing to Shake Rattle and Roll. That’s the forwarding thinking, Apple ingenuity we’ve come to respect. Whatever it’s still better than the Rock God ad.

If you add up all the elements of this commercial, you might start to think ZD is kind of an apathetic person. Compare this to Samuel Jackson’s iphone ad. His makes sense. His is about getting some ass, and hers is about being a shitless layabout.