Archive for the ‘Akshin sports’ Category

2013-10: On Snowboarding and Projection of Self-Perception

Friday, January 25th, 2013

You guys seeing this showdown between Shaun White and Mark McMorris? Shit. I can’t even imagine the pressure on those two. If McMorris doesn’t win, he comes off looking like a real deal asshole. And if he does win, Shaun has to go home and cry on his bed made of gold medals and cash and a ridiculous legacy.

I was really trying to avoid Xgamesy stuff. But I had to watch this video, simply because a Helgason put it out:

X GAMES Slope style quallyz a Snowboarding video by Helgasons

Holy shit. Look right there, in the background. Shaun White is co-mingling with other riders. He’s not sequestered in a private Shaun White Stride Gums Lounge. Is this a new Shaun White we are seeing?

People love to go off about who’s going to beat Shaun White, and it’s going to start happening—probably consistently and probably soon. The guy has been on top for a decade now. I’ve wondered time and time again if snowboarding is even fun for Shaun White. It never seemed to be about screwing around with friends, it was about winning. Now I’m wondering if it isn’t getting a bit old for him.

Can he put his game together tight enough to take home medals in halfpipe and slopestyle in Sochi?

What if he did it and walked away? What if he pulled a Craig on us? What if he stepped off that Russian podium, walked into the mountains and never came back? Would we still spit vitriol at him? Would we still blame him for ruining snowboarding?

But that is tangential. I’m here to discuss a young dude that is making me  happy that I still follow snowboarding.

Jamie Nicholls, who I once bagged on for being from the UK. This kid is the raddest in the game right now. First off, he is an impressively good rider. You can see him get loose at the Nike Chosen event last year:

Now consider that he grew up riding dry slopes, because he was from the UK.

But apart from that the kid is straight-up 18-year old. He’s out there with friends and having a good time.  Blasting off tweets like this:

Then jock-poppa in charge of snowboarding in the UK reprimands him.

In a shocking turn of events, Jock-poppa gets charged at because this is snowboarding and it’s all about having fun and screwing off, it’s not rugby and he backs down, admitting he needs to learn to roll. You don’t see the game get played like that in the USA.

Jamie Nicholls, free to be young again, heads off to Quebec for a contest. He makes it through to the finals, but doesn’t do as well as he hoped to, so he puts out something like an apology on the tweets.

WhoTF is this dude? Dude just brushes it off, essentially says “I’ll do better next time” and goes to hit street rails. Perhaps he feels like he owes his followers this, because he’s on the dole, sucking from the titty of the British sporting public (In case you missed that part). It seems like a noble thing to do.

More importantly it seems like a well-adjusted thing to do. This dude is 18 and apparently has been on the British scene since he was six. Contrast that to Shaun White who played that role for those of us in the US. Shaun has always been on a pedestal. Whether it was self-imposed or done at the bidding of other forces, Shaun has existed completely outside of snowboarding. It’s part of what has allowed him to be so successful, but it’s one of the biggest factors having lead to the incessant Shaun-bashing.

Honestly I hope this kid keeps ripping the shit out of things. According to the European connection, riders like Jamie and his pal Billy Morgan have a good chance of blowing up before they head to Sochi. And, It doesn’t hurt to have the likes of Nike and Salomon behind you. The guy is headed for great things, and he may never really hit it big stateside, but I really hope the next group of contest kids, and more importantly their parents and (for fuck’s sake) coaches, take note on how to be awesome for yourself, your friends and the whole shred game.


***The screen grabs I used came from Whitelines article about the twitter kerfuffle, which you can read here.

2013-7: Fake MeatTaco Tuesday ’round Here.

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013

Well, it seems I gambled and lost on buying my Denver ticket this year. Should have just grabbed one when they were $220. Now they’re creeping towards $500. Gross. Actually considering driving the Tacomer out there. Jesus, that would be

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Honestly I have made that drive, and other drives just like it so many times. I’ve driven six hours to ride for two in the past. But now that just seems excessive. Perhaps some of the youthful stoke is gone. Or is it just the energy? Dammit. I cannot be that old yet.

I might have to round up the old crew an see if anyone else is down for road tripping. Fuck it. I’ll just buy the damn ticket.

Now you’re probably like, “Oh, Rumorator, you piece of shit, why are you going to Denver. You gonna rent cars

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and drive around and maybe ride some snowboards?”

Nope. Just talking to people, trying to give foolz something interesting to look at and read about. Maybe even something to listen to. How’s that for a fucking teaser. Yes.

Speaking of Yes now boards. I got hit in the face with one of their shirts the other day. So now I own it. Dang. We’re playing by Birch Street rules round here.

2th Rise of the Micro Edit

I’m kinda unsure who to blame this on, but I’m going to go with the media. We have shit like the XGames Real Snow conditioning us to watch edits that are 1:15 long. In this fast-paced media landscape, that’s all the typical brain can process before it shuffles back over to boobs and asses.

I mean that’s kinda true, but on the other hand, it’s not like a 3-minute edit is the worst. Unless it is, you know, the worst. Take the latest submission from Yawgoons. That thing could be six minutes long and I’d still sit through it 5-6 times. But that one is pretty much the opposite of worst.

Exploring the logical extremes we have to look at what we used to have: Full movies with heaps of well-known riders. Everything was polished. Shit, Mark Frank was lighting blunts off hundred dolla-dolla bills, y’all. But that didn’t matter because you were probably asleep by then. All the slow-motion footage was a drag.

If you go way back you were even watching this shit on VHS and you’d have to rewind just to catch Peter Line’s part in the Melt Down Project. Ugh, why was it the credits that always woke you up? Times was tuff.

At the other end we have 1:15 edits. Which, when done wrong is the worst minute plus of your life.

Let’s take a look at this edit:

Mammouth Durette from Snowboard Jamboree on Vimeo.

I’m not insulting this dudes ridermanship. He’s fairly killer and the ender is a proper ender. But we are looking at 15 shots here. Some are just different angles, so it’s like 12 tricks. Plus, the first 16 seconds are just promo stuff. He put out a :51 second edit. Crazed. Good for him for having a beer sponsor, though. That’s a strong move. I need to get one of those.

Now, let’s extrapolate more. How many seasons until we have just one-trick edits? Imagine, 20 seconds of intro, then BOOM! Opening shot, ender, all the filler, all in one. This dude had it locked 10 years ago.

Do you guys realize the amount of work that went into that “Birch Street rules” line? RESEARCHED.

Since we’re on the topic of edits, smash your head on this wall.

2012-80: Femine Theorizing

Thursday, November 15th, 2012

Two videos caught my eye today. I will share them with you.

T∞ H▲RD teaser from danyale patterson on Vimeo.

This shit is YOBEAT exclusive, so I only have the trailer. But please take the time to watch the whole flick HERE.

The other is a trailer? An advertisement? A down payment at the spank bank? from Reef.

Dang, guys. Did you see those pelicans? Those seals? This is some NatGeo territory right here. I don’t even know what Reef makes anymore. There must be a few missing links from The Haakon

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Boot to this.

There we have it, two roles of women in action sports. Too Hard is fucking packed full of shit that snowboarding is supposed to be all about. Stomping stompers, smiles and fucking off with friends, people getting busted up and heaps of rad graphixxx. The Reef video has boobs/asses/faces and pelicans.

You’re probably going to want to

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stop reading right here.

But the truth remains that the trickery laid down isn’t as gnarly as dude vids. Thus we have the issue of bros talking shit non-stop in the comments section. The riders in Too Hard go way harder than I do. I’m a baby about 8 stitches in my shin. Fancy Rutherford broke her arm in six places and got a million stitches, for a trick that, had it been landed, would have gathered minimal attention because some dude would have spun out of it.

Then you have Desiree Melacon and Marie Hucal in there. Fuck it if you don’t like their riding. Both are really good and Marie is one of the most entertaining people I’ve ever hanged out with for 30 minutes. Rad on the board, rad off the board. Seems like the kind of people you’d want to have around to ride with. Crap on the pace of women’s riding all you want, but it seems like those behind these kind of films are having the time of their lives.

In a way, it’s almost closer to the core of capital S snowboarding. A group of people going out, doing some good riding, having a great time. Total lack of Red Bull double chopper shots, but a lot of happy people and even a few of those “Oh shit. I landed it” faces. It’s less about action sports and way more about snowboarding. I’m cool with that.

Now on to that Reef video? Don’t forget to look at those asses. I’m never going to be the guy to turn down looking at some boobs/asses/faces, but I have to wonder what any of these models connection is to surfing/action sports. The surf/skate/snow world is such a closed community, and I think that is part of the appeal. It’s part of what makes these communities great. But there seems to be free entrance to anyone with an ass and sweet juggs. Yet, if any board company put up an ad featuring Channing Tatum, or any professional male model, the people would flip the fuck out. I guess it’s only reflective of the environment.

This scene isn’t going to change over night, but in time I hope it does. Until then, I guess we get by, flipping back and forth between Too Hard and the Reef video.



2012-40: The Quick Hits Sammy

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

White Bread:

We’re gonna start off with some music, because much like bread music is the foundation for everything. It keeps us all together. Especially the raps music, right?

Crunchy Peanut Butter:

This car was parked outside of my office. I’m pretty sure this is not an Apple licensed product. I’m also pretty sure this was a DIY project. Probably found in the tech issue of Real Simple magazine. Right next to the instructions on how to make your own Oddities Museum*.


I copped this from Boardistan. It’s pretty rad. He said it was the best way you could spend 12 minutes. He might be right. Plus, it’s that dude from Oasis so moefaniel is gonna be stoked.

Marshmallow Fluff:

Could this be the Amberlamps? Because I don’t think it’s a real ambulance. I will support my buy sildenafil citrate online argument with these points

A: Civilian Plates.
2: Given the prefix “Para-“ can mean “closely related” or “almost,” and it’s paired with “tech,” we are looking at an, “almost practical application of knowledge in a particular area.” That sounds safe.
BRNZ: “…help is on the way.” No MFer. By the time someone can read that, help has already been there. Also, that ellipsis? What is being omitted?
Fin: That is the shittiest Caduceus ever.

Another Slice of White Bread Because This Aint Open Faced:

The Packers are a sprots team. They play the sprot of football americano. This dude is mega-star on the team and here we have a quick clip of his kickflippery. It’s pretty clear that at some point in his life #52 has been on a deck, but now he’s awkward on one and that’s somewhat funny. You know what’s even funnier than that? Right at the :06 mark you can see he really, REALLY wants to skate it Mongo.

And a online pharmacy provigil Bag of Chips:

Can we just stop now with all the Tupac’s Hologram jokes? That took less than a week to turn generic daily cialis to shit.

*Please look forward to the Real Simple article on making your own Oddities Museum later this week.

2012-36: Passed Over

Monday, April 9th, 2012


I was able to get out for my first mountain bike session of the year. I was at the John Muir Trails to lay down 12-14 miles and a little time in the skillz course. I was originally thinking of heading to Blue Mounds State Park, but the trails there aren’t even open yet. Which is probably a good thing. I’m not ready for that place. One thing I learned on Saturday is that I am wickedly out of biking shape. Had I been at Blue Mounds, those horrible hills would have left me for dead. Fuck, those hills are aerobically treacherous even at the peak of bike season.

Anyway, I was out riding, feeling good, passing people, then about 8 miles in I crapped out and was passed by two groups. I was struggling. My fingers were sore from gripping the bars. My shoulders were sore. I was a wreck. Somehow I finished up the ride and wept, alone in my car. I’ve got some work to do.

But the bike was in pretty good shape. Sure, a few screws need to be tightened and the shocks still need a proper fine-tuning, but damn it felt good to be back on the trails. Hard to believe last weekend I was on a snowboard.


Here are a couple more of late hitters from the Tahoe trip.

First up we’ve got Benji getting some off a man’s jump at Heavenly. I heisted this one off facebook but it’s still pretty rad.

Next up we’ve got an image from the ice rink in the village at Northstar. We’re going to play a game. Please tell me what is the awesomest part of this image.

Is it:

A: The girl with no pants on?
3: The guy in a tank playing a flute?
®: The fact that

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they were there together?

3nd Operation: Through Noggle’s Goggles

It’s been brought to my attention that Madison has local television stations. And it’s been brought to my attention that these local televisions stations have news broadcasts. And it’s been brought to my attention that one of these local news reporters claims to be an avid snowboarder.

I heard this and I knew had to dig a little deeper. It wasn’t hard. She claims

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to be of the shred on her own blog. I know what you’re thinking, “Shit, news lady is bloggermama too.” But hold on. I am concerned about her having bloggermama status.

I have these concerns because of her shred choices. First off, I think she might be running a Head snowboard and some off brand bindings. Then her outerwear choices are kind of questionable. If you’re not willing to succumb to old-shred status that you gotta keep your shit quick. Either you’re re-upping in your costume every season, of you’re going with the safety looks. She seems to be doing neither.

Then again, she’s a local television personality status and can’t get a hook-up? Where are the local reps on this. Get her on the program, so when the local news turns to her for a story about Capital-S snowboarding it isn’t a story about “snow boarding.”

But more importantly, I’m now on a mission to get Amber Noggle on the Rumorator program. This is how it’s going to happen. Over the next 8-9 months I’ll pressure Local Television Personality, Amber Noggle, to ride with Rumorator. It’s going to be awesome. I’ll make a whole series out of it—Through Noggle’s Goggles. It’ll be ace.


I gotta admit this is a pretty slick ad for Minnesota. Plus, the song is kind of addicting. Kinda wish they would have gotten had the snowboarderist in front of a House of 1817 backdrop.

But there is more! Did you see that band? Those dudes are solid gold. Literally, that band is SOLID GOLD. And check out Señor Hurlburt on the guitar. Dang, giving Minnesota some love from the Cleeze.

Your local Taco Bell presents 4rd Meal aka Vivir More

You know that feeling you had back in high school, about that slightly off girl in your class. Maybe she wasn’t the brightest girl in school. She probably wasn’t really attractive, maybe she wasn’t even in the regular classes and just sat in your mom’s office the whole day because you mom was the guidance counselor and that broad had problems. But yet she had those monster boobs that you couldn’t stop looking at those. She probably had boobs before any other girl and this probably had something to do with the amount of time she spent in your mom’s office getting guidance counselor-ing.

You know the girl I’m talking about right? That kind of how I felt about this mural.

2012-34: The Sweetness, or TL, DR

Wednesday, April 4th, 2012

Somehow, this is 2012.

FlawsyFiles recently made the ridiculous claim that there never was an “us” in snowboarding, snowboarding was never ripped from us and that the scene is loaded with a fake history. But I’m about to disagree.

For me it started way back at Christie Mountain, home of the Blue Hills Beast and the racialistly coded slogan, “Christie Mountain, you’re all white.” I remember seeing some dude up there with a K2 board, just blasting girl methods off anything. I’m pretty sure they weren’t even called girl methods back then. The dude was pulling tricks that were way cooler than my rawdog, spread-eagles off gutter jumps. Even at 9-years-old, I knew that guy’s shit was wicked awesomer.

I should note that at this point in life, my exposure to snowboarding was essentially through TV, and TV has always made it look like some super lame bullshit. Sure, they would show footage of Damien Sanders back-flipping off a cliff in hard boots, but were they going to show him filing his teeth into fangs (Did this ever really happen?)? Were they going to show his harem of Black Flys fly girls?

But something about seeing that guy riding in person clickity-clacked with me. I wasn’t any sort of a stand-out kid. On weekends I rode bikes and played football with my friends in our parents’ yards. We would have sleepovers and sneak out of our homes, just to see what it was like. It was boring. But when I saw that guy on a snowboard, I knew I wanted to be part of that. Fuck it, it was pretty much over. I was already hooked.

It’s like an addiction. It’s just the way some of us are. We’re simply wired that way.

I can only liken it to growing up gay—this comparison I can only speculate on and do so with no intention of trivializing the struggle that it must be to grow up gay.

But I went through middle school struggling to fit in on various sport teams. Not because I wanted to, but because it was what you did. If you didn’t join the team you were pushed even further out of the acceptable crowd. It was a crowd I was already on the edge of thanks to oversized pants, chain wallets and heroes like Steve Graham and Gilligan Yoder. So I played along, and at football games I sat on the bench waiting until the last four minutes to play.

Like all kids, I eventually found those like me—those who were just as obsessed. They became my “us.” In a way it’s where I learned what snowboarding was all about. Backyard picnic table sessions, driving around for hours to find a good road gap in Wisconsin, picking up skateboarding only as something to do when we couldn’t snowboard, and fanboying over all the new decks at the shop in August—all of that is the shit that creates an “us.”

Snowboarding in those days was accepting of so many kinds of people, so long as you were a little bit on the fringe. If you had a snowboard, you could hang. Often anyone on the shred had a similar outlook.  The school-sponsored team sports weren’t for them. They weren’t very good at free throws or interceptions. But none of that mattered, because, snowboarding was simply about you choosing to do it and the awesomeness you found hanging out in sub-freezing temperatures.

The public image of snowboarding was reckless. It was still six-year old images of Damian doing back-flips off cliffs. They kept their distance. But had the public gotten any closer it would have been worse. Cigarette smoke, white dudes with dreadlocks, missing teeth, drug use, bar fights and puke breath were par for the course. Snowboarding was as gnarly as the skate and surf crowd it devolved from, or at least that was the way snowboarders told the stories. And often snowboarding was mocked for this. Look at the snowboarder in Ski Patrol. Classic public perception. Disgusting. Being represented by a three-faced dude in a movie wasn’t the greatest thing ever, but whatever, it was Hollywood. Hollywood ruins everything.

Perhaps I am looking back at youth with a rose-colored lens, but I refuse to believe that completely. My evidence comes from the fact that it is still easier for me to talk to snowboarders than most skiers. There is something that connected this pastime to each of us, and we share that bond.

Then something happened. It’s hard to say when. I would guess around 1994, but I’m sure those older then me would say around 1990. Bob Klein would probably claim around 1982. But everyone got invited in—it wasn’t just for the outliers anymore. Snowboarding was thrown in the Olympics. Snowboarding became less of a lifestyle and more of an activity. There were snowboarding teams and snowboarding coaches.

Instead of being snowboarders, suddenly snowboarders were supposed to be athletes. People committed to making their bodies the pinnacle of performance for one task only. And just as athletes participate in their sport after school, so did snowboarders. And if they had some inherent skill, they snowboarded a little in college and then they probably stopped. Sure, if it was on TV on a Sunday afternoon they would watch it, reliving their glory days.

I love those dudes who gave up snowboarding after college. It was like hacky-sack or soft drug use to them. I particularly like it when they try to dump their 7-year-old gear on craigslist for anything more than 10% of retail.

This is what lead to capital S Snowboarding. These are the Toddlers and Tiaras Tindies© (copyright 2012 Keef Love) crowd. These are the athletes you’ll continue to see in TV ads. Not just snowboarders, but Snowboarders. They are destined to be the pretty face of snowboarding. Allowed to have just enough edge to make parents call it edgy. Shaun White is Will Smith.

And therein lies the dichotomy of snowboarding. Capital-s Snowboarding will from now on be commercial-friendly, coached, TV-ready and soulless. Meanwhile, snowboarding will be night sessions, sleeping on couches, trunk beers, in the streets and halfway into your sister’s pants. So much of snowboarding is still on the edge of Thunderdome and Snowboarding has become the Truman Show.

And I’m way older now. My body is starting to fail me. I’ll still snowboard every chance I get, and I’ll watch Snowboarding every time it’s on TV. To me, Snowboarding is my football.  These days I’m geeking out over the technical aspects of clothing and when I find someone who wants to talk about it as much as I do, it creates a new “us” in snowboarding. And then you start discussing the cuts of coats and pants and how it’s necessary that you have at least 4 jackets ready to go at anytime. When you find someone who understands you’re nerding-out 12 months a year. There is still an “us,” it’s just not found in Snowboarding.

2012-33: The Larry Bird of 2012 posts

Friday, March 30th, 2012

Coming straight outta French Lick because we got some shit to cope with today.


I’ve been going on for the past couple of days about how skateboarding is still the raddest game in town and blah blah blah. And FlawsyFiles has been doing nothing to quell this feeling as of late. But then this happened


And suddenly I know where I belong—at home, pantsless, catching up on Game of Thrones or some shit.

UPDATE: 20 minutes after this clip was released, 12-year old Tom Schaar just melted into a globule of Red Bull, like a sugar-water Senator Robert Kelly.


Little Andy Troubles was back in action. I’m gonna bag on his music until the end (or until I like it) but you cannot deny the dude is 100% ripper. He’s still smooth with a shred stick under his feet, and really there aren’t that many people who can still look good while riding with Nico.

More Snowboarding Videos

Terms or phrases I’ve used to describe Nico’s riding: Sick, Sicc, ten-point-oh on the sichter scale, smooth, so smooth, fuck your mother, like a fat man on a hover-round, untouchable, Steezy P. Martini, rad, radder, the chronicles of radderist, amazing, amazering, kalangalangalang, almond joy, cuando es mi nalgas, You know that feeling you have the morning after the first time you get really hammered after you’ve turned 25 and you essentially just shit liquid at like 40 miles per hour, like a sprinting sasquatch, the uncanny valley, and cocoa butter.

UPDATE: Dude is stylish too. I’m liking that coat he’s running, but I still prefer his Marjorie, the trash heap, neck piece.


I hope these come in size 42 and with elastic waistbands. Because I can’t see even remotely fit people wearing these.

Apparently you can get them here.

Here’s an idea: if you’re going to sit down to eat your food anyway, why not just rest your plate on the ground, or on your picnic blanket. I do have to admit that this idea of food and plates at a picnic is pretty slick. Every picnic I’ve been on has only consisted of a bottle of water, a pack of Marlboro Blacks and a bag of mushrooms. And I never called it a “picnic.” I called it “blowing my fucking mind in a field outside of Washburn, Wisconsin.” I guess for efficiency of language purposes I can start using the term “picnic.”

UPDATE: I could see the Japanese and Southerners really getting down with these.

2012-32: The Legits

Thursday, March 29th, 2012

Sure it’s easy to blast the contest scene, but if you care about snowboarding you really should be reading this:

The Future of Snowboard Contests

The author, Matt Barr, really knows what he’s talking about.

Funny thing about that. I think it was about a year ago when I first saw one of his stories come up. I didn’t really know if should agree with his piece. First off it was crisp, not something I expected to be reading about the shred game. Not knowing his name from other (USA-centric) snowboarding pubs, I had to do a bit of digging.

It wasn’t long before I discovered he was working for a Journalism and PR firm. I was livid. How the fuck are you going to trust anyone from a PR firm to write about snowboarding? I know the kind of schlock PR writers pump out. Fuck those dudes. Liars. I knew this because I worked for an agency that was too heavily PR-ed. Those dudes lie more than advertisers.

So I had no respect for Senor Barr. But I also followed him on twitter. Straight up stalkerism. I was just waiting for him to get something wrong and then use it as fodder to strengthen my distrust of who was running the snowboarding.
Then, the more I paid attention, the more I realized he was on point. The dude knows his game and he legitimately cares about the shred game. He is one of us, even if I don’t know who “us” is.

At this point I can say I click just about every link Matt Barr posts up. I should probably mention that before he got into the PR game he was the editor at Whitelines, so he’s got some history. Plus, he recommends some pretty good books.

I cannot wait to pull these bitches.

I think they look

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3st: We’re still snowboarding
Saturday and Sunday, Tyrol Basin. Shredathon. 8-10 rails to bust your shins on. Or, if you’re old like me, you can hang out eat grilled meats and drink beer in 16-oz cans. Or you can stay home and watch the Red Bull SuperNatural on the couch. We all make choices, dude, choices. All of us.

4nd: The Choice of a New Generation
Glen Coco > John Galt*

*shout out to Annet Donahue

2012-31: Gonna Get You Over That Hump

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012

Metacarpus: The Tahoe Time

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Machine: episode 4
We need to get these Tahoe stories over with, right? Okay here goes. Monday morning ran it up to Northstar with a full crew, eleven deeps to start with. Then we picked up Tali, Kenji, Alex and Skinny Claire (who was riding with broken collarbone. Gritty). We ripped up what was left of the backside. El Poco Lollo and I mostly rode with Benji (not Kenji) and Tom because those dudes know how to find every fucking hit in a forest. Good times, mega tree jumps all morning.

Afternoon came and we moved it over to the frontside of the mountain for a park sesh. Always fun at N*. Plus with the crew we had, there was no choice but to try to up your game. Lap after lap after lap. That’s what we did all afternoon. But we did stop for some lunch.

Then it was time to go out and get after the donkey dick that was mugging Tali and I all day. So we rolled up Tali hops on and immediately eats shit. It’s at this point that I use my concern for her well being to skip the rail and see how she’s ding. Luckily it was nothing serious, just a quick shinner.

Next run, I had no choice but to hit that rail now. So I did. And immediately skipped off, smashing my face on the snow and scratching up my favorite pair of goggles. Oh, I should mention that I also shinnered it. But we was cool, got up and keep moving, hit a couple more features and even got this fancy image on the ride-on from the EpicMix photog man.

Eventually hit the base and meet up with the crew at the 4pm meeting spot, Starbucks. Suze was there, so I was telling my smashing story to her. Then I say, “oh shit, I ripped my pants.” Then I say, “Oh shit that hole is kinda bloody.” I pulled up the pant leg to find this:

Check out the blood stain on that boot pull. The resale on these is going to be shit. Needless to say the day ended with 8 stitches, beers in the waiting room and the realization that this is the most injured I’ve ever been.

Proximal Phalange: Lists
I’ve complied two lists of things that are surprisingly easy and surprisingly difficult to do while smoking:

Dropping a Duece
Stoop Sitting
Breast Feeding

Hiding in Closets
Playing Tetris
Hiking to Flavor Country
Sneaking up on the Vietcong

Middle Phalange: MusicMusic
Can’t believe this album turned 10-years old this week.

Pretty sure I had to drive to Minneapolis just to get it. Ought two. Tough times.

Distal Phalange: On Your Health
Like diplodocus

2012-30: Tahoe Time Machine Episode 3

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012

Somehow I managed to catch up on a little sleep on St. Patrick’s Day. This is surprising not because El Poco Lollo and I went out and tore up the scene in South Lake, but because we thought it would be a good idea to put off sleep for as long as possible. It was cool though. We got to hang with a couple of our Kiwi-house hosts, Tom and Tamara and USAer Jonaten. We also drank a whole bunch of PBRs talked shit, literally, for hours.

Sunday, we went back to Heavenly, but stayed on the Nevada side. I’m unsure how much snow fell overnight but the winds were blowing hard, giving us a ton of new deep spots to hit. I dumped the Cheetah for the Mr. Nice Guy. I’m glad I did too. The Cheetah kinda became a set of handcuffs after awhile. All I wanted to do was jump off shit. Besides, one of our guides Austin (not a Kiwi) had been ripping the entire time on a 147 Artifact. And he slowed down a total of zero times. Just burners, nonstop.

Speaking of burners, we were still sour diesel-less. But the one

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of Austin’s cohorts stepped up and was asked who wanted to make some pot smoking happen. He then proceed to pull out a full sized pipe and light it up. Now typically dudes are rolling with onies or little pocket pipes. Something convenient and won’t get in the way too much. Not this dude. He was essentially toting a centerpiece in his coat.

He then proceeded to blow our minds by loading this thing, about as inconspicuously as someone loading a shotgun in a shopping mall, and fired it up in the craziest winds ever. It was just pack, pack, snap, lit, burrrrnnnn. Directly in front of a lodge full of families eating their bread bowl chilies. That dude was a super hero.

The downside of the situation was being lifted and having to navigate flat light to grey–out conditions. I actually had to rely on some of the skills I’ve picked up in over the past 20 years. Easy-peasy.

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So we slashed the rest of the day away and Lisa even fell in one time. Typical kiwi maneuver.

Day 2 was a success.

How badly do we want this, NOW: