Bike! « Rumorator

Archive for the ‘Bike!’ Category

2012-21: White Snow Black Metal

Friday, March 2nd, 2012

1rd

As I do so often lately, I found myself talking about black metal with GooseFeather yesterday. We were sharing a chat-sesh and watching Satyricon videos. From there, we began discussing the bandmember Frost, which is a supa-metal metal name.

Then we started creating our own metal names. I guess he wants to been known professionally as Goosepocalypse, which is legit. I have my 2012 metal names reduced down to:
• Death Strider
• RealFakeBlood
• Abort! Abort! Abort!
• Octopodes
• Lacerator
• Rick Santorum
• Flesh Bellows
• Draeg Scotter
• Milk Money
• Bloodangel
• Mulch
• Ligature
• Unending Closure
• Doyen Specula
• Mustelidae Martes Martes
• When I was Six I Had a Pet Goat Who Spoke To Me and Taught Me the Ways of The Ancient Ones And Told Me To Gut Him and Use His Entrails as a Scarf Because the Coming Winter Was to be The Coldest the Earth Has Ever SEEEEEEEEEEEEEN, or just Six Goat Scarf for short.

Vote early and vote often on this one.

2th
I’m trying so hard to not acquire tee shirts lately. But it’s tough when this gets released:

And big thanks to jhamlett for ordering this for me.

Which brings me to the next item. How do I pronounce jhamlett? If I’m going to reference the dude, I should know how to say his name. So, do I call him Jam-let, or is it Jaamlet? I like the second option, because it sounds like Omelet. Also, this pronunciation and the spelling of his name give him a slight Indian (subcontinent, not first people) tweak.

Makes him more mysterious. Like “Fuck dude, if there is anything I have learned from pop culture, it’s that the Punjabi are not to fucked with.”

3st
Perpendicular recumbent rickshaw shitshow

4nd

Bike pants!
I want the Levi’s commuter pants because I love communting or something. Don’t believe me? Check out Rhys Hastings bloggery.

Tags: Bike shit, Black metal, Kate Moss, Levi's commuter pants, Satyricon, Supreme
Posted in Bike!, Listed, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign | 2 Comments »

El Dia De Los Muertos

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Chapter 1: WINTAR

Seriously, where is this shit? Both coasts are getting hit. First it was the Tahoesies and Cololame-os getting some, and then UMS became CMS in a wicked blast of winter weather. SHOUT OUT TO NAT V!

Where the shit is my wintar weather?

Maybe this is for the best. I still need to find some boots. Actually, I don’t even need to find boots I just need to get them or something. Salomon Fdueceduece, where you at?

On the other hand, I got the winter ride ready to go. Just need to pop on the studded tires and fenders. But this did happen over the weekend:

I don’t even know where those GT toestraps came from. Clay Davis says “Sheeeeeeit.” Just a pile of parts, all stripped off.

But now, $100 in, I’ve got this:

Clearly, I still need to peel off some stickers and all, but it’s pretty much theft-deterred right now. I say that but someday I’ll come to find my radio missing and battery gone. Ahhh…not really. I’ve got indoor bike parking at home and at the office. This is just how Madison rolls. How are you not going to have indoor bike parking?

Seriously, I don’t even lock that shit up. Just lean it against the rack. It’s like Micheal Moore’s Canada up here. Plus we can carry guns now, so there’s that.

In other news I have no trivia on Tuesday nights anymore, so that has me lost. I’m lost-aez bru.

capítulo uno: papá

Twas poppa vRs birthday on the 26th. I missed it. I’m a horrible son. So Imma let him buy me dinner tonight to make up for it.

פרק אחד

Also, it was halloween. The greatest thing I saw, apart from Murs making raps, was a panda, sans head, getting real raw with a slutty nurse on the dance floor (street, as the concert was outside). I should also note the slutty nurse was wearing the missing panda head. It was fucking amazing. I want to go back in time, take acid and watch it all over again. Of course if the was the case I would also go back in time and stop freshman-in-college Rumorator from getting down with like 4 of the first 5 girls I got down with. Just pull him aside and let him know, “It gets better, kid. Your gonna stop wearing those Phish shirts soon, and watch what you’re drinking, you’re getting college fat.”

Dan Savage could have had an “It gets better” campaign for me regarding the women I surrounded myself with. Shudder.

I also would then say “Listen to this album with a candle burning and you’ll see your entire future,” just before handing past-me a copy of Dr. Octagon’s The Octogonecologyst.

Tags: Bikes, college fat, Halloween, raps, Salomon Snowboards, Time traveling, winter rides
Posted in Bike!, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign, snowboardering | 1 Comment »

Twosday

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Part one:

I’m pretty sure that’s poop on my tire:

What I don’t know for sure is if it’s from a human or some other beast.

The next part one

Maybe you’ve heard of Capita Super Corporation. Maybe you’ve heard the full trailer dropped today and people got all bonered about it.

I’m pretty sure the most entertaining part is Old Snowboard Realms himself getting named Texas Long Balls. That’s funny.

Plus that dude is soooo tall. A-man tried to get a picture of him in Whistler, but he didn’t fit in the frame. All we got was a pic of his boot. Luckily, someone snapped this pic of him hanging out with a friend.

There probably won’t be enough Sean Whyte in this video.

Lastly,

What’s it going to take to get coaster brakes installed on a mtn bke the winter?

Tags: Capita Snowboards, shred video, the snowboarding Realms, tj schnider
Posted in Bike!, snowboardering | 1 Comment »

Thursday Factory

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

1nd

Chief lady over at yobeat claims she’s on this coupon kick these days. That’s doesn’t seem very shradtastic, or maybe it is. Getting shit on the cheap, seems quite in line with the snowboardering lifestyle.

Anyway, I was thinking she should start a new coupon forum. In fact, I would be willing to sell her any of the following names for like $5:

• Full Clip
• Shit I don’t normally buy
• Stockin’ Up!
• Tampons by the ton
• What’s the real value?
• Savvy shopper
• Yo Expiration Date
• Redeem the dream
• Mtn Ops
• Couponorator

I kind of feel like any other those would be a gold mine.

2st

ATTENTION READERS: RAEN OPTICS is in action. The Encinitas, CA-based boutique eyewear brand, R A E N optics has the 2012 season in full focus with today’s launch of their new website. A fresh look with optimized user capability, R A E N invites the World Wide Web to explore art, culture, fashion, and one stellar lineup of  hand-crafted optics.

I really try not to be a shayboarder shill, but this is eyewear we are talking about. These is specs. These is glazzles.

Please feel free to send me the Vida Model in Brindle Tortoise and the Underwood RX in Froth. I will get you my prescription in a few minutes.

You wanna put me on your ambassadors program? Iz cool. I will blast the shit our of your glasses every damn day. So long as they are large enough to fit on my head.

LOOK AT ME RAEN OPTICS, I AM THE FUTURE OF YOUR MARKETING PLAN. I AM THE WORLD WIDE WEB.

Maybe toss in a pair of black and white Myopia, you know, for the broads.

3th

The Madison estate is almost ready to. Pics will follow. I need a friggin’ dirt jumper, just look at these trails waiting for me to fall down and bleed on:

Slackberry pics

Tags: Advertising, coupons, Internetting, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign, RAEN optics, Yobeat.com
Posted in Bike!, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign | 1 Comment »

24 women in black dresses in an SUV

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

It’s like a clown car of whores

Fuck it. Clown shoes. Joke show. Tom Foolery. This is the place I now live.

And I thought it was weird when I passed a dude unicycle-commuting.

Tags: One wheeled bikes
Posted in Akshin sports, Bike! | No Comments »

Want

Monday, June 27th, 2011

Please, tell me how Whistler is not the greatest place on earth.

This Is Kokanee Crankworx 2011 from Crankworx on Vimeo.

Still on the Hunt for a place in Madison. Anyone wanna buy an estate in Milwaukee?

Tags: Crankwworx, The estate, Whistler
Posted in Bike! | 1 Comment »

Dodging Rain Drops

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

Yo, Rumorator, have you been out biking lately.

Umm, nope. Um, nope. It’s raining like a beast around here. Trails closed all over the place. I keep thinking it will get better, but, umm, nope.

But I still have a bike. I ride it when the weather is agreeable.

And at least my bike doesn’t look like this:

Look at that thing. Skinny tires, no suspension, dual water bottle cages. Fuck that thing.

The Tuesday Mega-Mix

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

First off, let’s talk about bikes. I’ve been hitting the trails a fair amount this past week. Saturday I even threw down on a 24-miler through the woods because I thought that would be a good idea. Actually it was because I was at the John Muir Trails and I did the first 12-mile loop incredibly sloooooow. I’m not sure what caused it, but I was lagging. I was dragging. I was doing the frumpty dance.

So I opted to do the loop again. and it was way faster, way faster, way faster.

There is one zone that is really rad. Mini berms and hits and I pedaling into the first:

Then shit all went foul. Directly after the mini berm I was on to this little ramper stone, which tossed me right off the damn trail and about 15 feet into the trees. I’m unsure how it happened but it was fast and quite funny being I didn’t get injured.

That’s pretty much how it went down. Granted the perception is off and this straight sasquatch sighting image quality but you can see a little bit of my bike there in the distance. The crash was great to because I thought I was clear when I dumped the rig in mid-air. Then I landed, slid to a stop and had it land on me.

The next rider that came by asked if I was okay, I said yeah, then he asked again. “Are you sure you’re alright.”

Creeper. I think he was trying to lure me back to his vehicle to molest me. After that, another guy cam through, crashed, almost hit me and got up laughing. So we ran our bike back up the hill to both of us properly rode through the second time.

Part 2:

Official Sawdust City Trailer from Small Form Films on Vimeo.

If you think this is a good thing you could support it a little bit, by clicking here.

Part 3:

J+J’s wedding

DRAGONS!

Equalities!

And a Rainbow of Broads!

And, the Ketubes was put into action. Everyone was loving it, so a huge high-five to the Ketubah crafter. If anyone needs one created for their wedding, I might know just the person.

Posted in Bike!, Lobster Pot | 1 Comment »

Is it finally Spring?

Monday, May 9th, 2011

It seems that the possibility of snow is officially out of the forecast. Normally I don’t celebrate such a thing, but for the last two months it’s been cold and rainy. The kind of cold and rainy that threatens to turn to snow at any minute, but never does. And even if it did, it would be crap snow. You can’t ride snowboards. Riding bikes is uncomfortable and sloppy. It’s been all around gross weather.

But it seems it’s finally getting to be spring-ish, so I’ve been taking the bike out the last few days and putting in some warm-ups on the river trails. The good news is the the west side of the river is a million times better than it was last year. Don’t get me wrong, there are still the homeless hide-a-ways, thousands of pounds of scattered trash and some great places to shoot up, but it’s better than it was. The trails have been cleared of the the down trees and such, and there are some fun new elements going on over there. I even stumbled across this:

I stopped to check this thing out, and it’s rather wobbly. But that’s probably just my excuse to not hit it. In fact I’ve used that excuse before. In college.

Colby: Yo Rumorator, you gonna hit that?
RvR: Nah man, she looks just a little too wobbly.
Colby: Good point. Wait a minute…Why is Goose getting a piggy-back ride from her friend?

That actually sums up every weekend for several years of my life.

The east side of the river is getting super puss. It seems a lot of the fun stuff has gone on the Parks Department hit list. They’ve dumped stupid amounts of gravel and and wood chips, making it very hiker friendly and absolutely zero fun for bikes. The gentrification of nature. It’s also 25 percent swamped out between Hubbard Park and Hampton Ave.

As for the gear update. I replaced my Shimano XTR derailleur, which snapped off after a viscous bout with a log at Ray’s Mtn Bike Park. I also tossed on some Xpeddo Face Off XMX13 pedals. They’re rad. My shins will come to hate them. I’m sure of it.

Part Two: This record has got some Seoul

Part Three: Other Musics

The Beastie Boys are getting some major NPR talk time lately. I think this means I’m really too old.

And lastly I’m finally going to get to see Aesop Rock in concert. 10 years later.

Tags: Milwaukee River Trails, Rap Music, Shimano xtr, Xpeddo Face Off
Posted in Bike! | 1 Comment »

The Weekend That Won’t End

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

I did some time traveling this weekend. That is to say it was like those college days. Except this time I didn’t wake up with my head in a pizza box and hand in my pants. But it got shaky for a while. Needless to say I’m back to living upright now.

We’re going to start with the fact that this morning I was told I look like this dude:

NO WAY DUDE. NO WAY. You can go back to eating your Jimmy Johns sandwhich. Last time I had one of those was the last time I was in college. I never checked the ingredient list, but it seems that they may have put some poop on it. Chip says feces is their secret ingedient. Gross.

But really guy, I’m not looking like that poster. When was the last time you saw me riding sans hood? Maybe that Dub Jacket in 96? Maybe that same Dub Jacket in 2000? That thing had like 5000 name hits on it. Unstoppable. I was trying japan airs off spines that one winter, wearing that hoodless beast.

And those gloves over the coat? When was the last time you saw me riding with gloves ove the coat? Maybe those Burton Universe gloves in 96? Maybe those same Burton Universe gloves in 2000? That things had like 2 name hits on ‘em. Unstoppable. I was trying japan airs off spines that one winter, wearing those gauntletted bitches.

Otherwise that’s picture is spot on.

Article 2

I’ve been listening to Flashlight, the extended version, like it was 96 and I wearing a hoodless Dub jacket with Universe gloves and just discovered Jorge Clinton. But I think we all now that when you turn this ipod on it goes directly to Devo “Uncontrollable Urge.”

Section 3 seat 9

New paint on the Team Rumorator bike. That shit wins races.

Quads

Quints Paste

Whistler: 16 days

Tags: Advertising, Bikes, Music, Snowboarding, Totally Gross National Product
Posted in Bike!, Meta, snowboardering | 5 Comments »