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2012-48: Gutters

Wednesday, May 9th, 2012

Let’s begin.

Listen uppish. You know I see some shows, right? It’s pretty much all I’ve got going on over here. But that’s not what’s important. The key thing is I recently saw Aziz Ansari. I even copped the marquee pic to prove it.

But don’t worry, I shot that from hip level so I wasn’t gotted, spotted and blotted for hackory. Whatever, in my old age my give-a-fuck-ometer seems to have a -3 preset. Plus, comics are rad. There ain’t nothing wrong with comedy dorkery. I just gotta keep telling myself that.

But back to the show. First off, there were absolutely zero steaks going on at the show. It seems Outback Steakhouse dropped the ball on this one. Then again, I suspect most people have the same feeling walking out an Outback Steakhouse.

But Aziz (Jesus, get to the story man) so Aziz shows up wearing a suittux, or whatever you call the men’s apparel that fits in the zone between a suit and tuxedo. He was total looking-good comedy guy. Now that I think about it, the Amex commercials are the only time I’ve seen him not in a suit. Proper.

And how does his Madison fan base repay him? With this of course:

Sorry about the crap image, I had to run a flash in a theatre. 100% dick-move. I took a picture of this mamajama, with a flash, while I was seated directly behind her, just so I could comment on her garb.

But really, stack it up:

Locomotive Bibs—I choo-choo-choose to bust on your fashion choices. They call me the conductor. These are probably her favorite things to wear, overall. I’m staying on the rails as a lazy train.

Swimsuit—I like a base layer that keeps the lake and river filth closer to my genitals. A bra and funderwear are totally acceptable for impromptu pool action if you don’t have a swimsuit, but this is not the symmetric property. Perhaps she had just finished her annual Madison hippie bath. I like to dress like a Counting Crows’ song.

Footwear: I never saw them but can only assume they went one of four way: tevas, birkenstocks, hiking boots or bare feet. Probably bare feet.

The number of people per capita making questionable fashion choices in Madison is astronomical. This is the word of omgawd.

Deuce:

Polica. I bought the vinyl. Really. I have nothing to play it on. I think this is my version of skinny pants.

Striples:

After the concert I went to Mickey’s because it’s close to my lair. And the word on the street was that the band was gonna be there. So many Manitou heads. Old connects. Good news is, 12 years after meeting him, I’m pretty sure Hurlbert is one of the most authentic dudes out there. Solid Gold for sure.

Check out the majesty of this image:

You see that drink on the left? That’s a Canadian Club on ice. The drink on the right? That belongs to the girl I spent my early 20s dating and hating and dating and hating and finally coming to terms with and becoming friends with. She’s getting married on June 2nd. I couldn’t be happier or more proud of her.

Tags: Comedy, majesty, Polica, stylez
Posted in Flashion, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign | 2 Comments »

2012-33: The Larry Bird of 2012 posts

Friday, March 30th, 2012

Coming straight outta French Lick because we got some shit to cope with today.

1nd

I’ve been going on for the past couple of days about how skateboarding is still the raddest game in town and blah blah blah. And FlawsyFiles has been doing nothing to quell this feeling as of late. But then this happened

DIRECT LINK TO THE RED BULL VIDEO OF A TWELVE-YEAR OLD KID DOING A CAB-1080, BECAUSE IT KEEPS FUCKING MY BLOG TO EMBED IT.

And suddenly I know where I belong—at home, pantsless, catching up on Game of Thrones or some shit.

UPDATE: 20 minutes after this clip was released, 12-year old Tom Schaar just melted into a globule of Red Bull, like a sugar-water Senator Robert Kelly.

2th

Little Andy Troubles was back in action. I’m gonna bag on his music until the end (or until I like it) but you cannot deny the dude is 100% ripper. He’s still smooth with a shred stick under his feet, and really there aren’t that many people who can still look good while riding with Nico.

Murakami Day aka How you gonna not get down?

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011

I can only assume you felt it when you woke up today. Perhaps your alarm was less alarming, or the water in the shower was not as wet. But something had changed. This is what happens on Murakami day. Things are different. Things are softer. You understand that something is askew, but you move forward.

1Q84 hits books stores today. Or Kindles if you’re one of those. I hope all of you Kindle/Nook schnooks forget how amazing books are. Need proof? Dig it:

A couple of things come out of this.

One: It’s so rad to finally know how to properly pronounce Knopf. And it even radder to see that they are willing to put this kind of work into a book cover. You aint getting this in trade paperback. Fuck No. Hardcover first edition. I’m buying two and keeping one deadstock. Sneakerheads is flipping in five years when I show ‘em my collection and don’t even let ‘em open the cover on the Murakami. Trust me, the words is in there.

Two: Two moons, of course. WHY THE FUCK NOT? For real. Sure you can charm some college girl’s funderoos down to the ankles with talk about anglish, but it’s time to grow up and get real world. This is “I should have won the Nobel Prize in literature” right here. So naturally we have two moons. And I take it in stride. Fuck it, it’s real life.

Whoa, I’m kind of exhausted and have half-wood after that.

I should also note, you need to be supporting your local bookstores on something like this. I will be picking up my copies of 1Q84 at Boswell Books in Milwaukee, mostly because Madison doesn’t have shit for local bookstores downtown. Tons of used book stores and a feminist bookstore, but nothing that just sells books. Niche marketing to the maxxx.

Not even an anarchist bookstore, who cooks for you, who cooks for you?

Los Dedos Doblar

You guys wanna go traTIMEveling?
Cool, then lets take it back to ’98 for a minute. You remember that year? Dub Brand Outerwear jackets? With that hood that rolled into the collar and like 500 branding hits all over them? Backyard snowboarding? Damn those days were the shits.

Seriously what year is this?

Arnette is rolling up again. And they got Del at the helm. Shit, my high school self is going wild on the inside. Next up, I’m gonna try and charm my way into some girls pants by talking about raps and snowboards and books (protip: this never works it. It never has. It never will. Just get some vodka instead).

In reality those is some good looking specs. I should try to score up some of those. I wonder if they fit cabezas gigantes?

Here’s more of a run down.

Tags: 1Q84, Arnette Optics, Del The Funky Homosapien, Haruki Murakami, Knopf, Murakami Day, raps, Sunglaxxles
Posted in Flashion, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign, snowboardering | 2 Comments »

The Hump Day Dump

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

Wednesday, lets do this.

I finally pulled the trigger on some new Benny Gold’s. I grabbed the Gold Standard selvage denims. I actually got these bad boys last Friday and have been living in them ever since. They are good pants, made in the USA, 13.5 oz denim, comfy, all that. Plus look at that color.

Coming from 5 years of wearing Nudies and APCs almost exclusively, these things are definitely a change, The legs have way more room and the rise is mega. at first I was a bit unsure of them, but they’ve quickly grown on me. Besides, not all of my pants need to that slim. my favorite feature of these pants is the pen pocket off the coin pocket. It’s a simple thing, but as someone who carries a pen 90 percent of the time, it’s great. I’m not a denim expert but I’m guessing these pants are coming from the same denim used in Agave jeans. They seem a touch too soft out of the box to be from the Cone factory. Again that is pure speculation. I used some social media mastery and asked Mr. Weiner himself where they were from but he just said they were made in the USA. Benny Gold is TRADE SECRETIVE.

At the online shop he recommends sizing down one size, which I have to echo to anyone. If you want them to be slimmer, go down two sizes. And speaking of the online shop, he’s got them for 50 percent off right now. So go buy two pairs. If your local shop isn’t carrying these, be sure to grab them directly from the source. It puts more money in the pockets of the people who design and make the goods, not some online streetwear-exploitation warehouse. Support the people that support your interests.

One to the Next One

I first saw this video a couple months ago, then my buddy John from Seven Years Winter sent it out again the other day.

VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

Be sure to take note of his uniform at 3:29.

I like his style.

And Then There Was This

My main sticker mama and all around rad lady Nat Vosko had her pottery show opening the other day. I gotta say, her pieces look good.

Congrats to Nat, and thanks to L-boogie for getting pics of it all.

While We’re Here

Dane101 and Phil Ejercito dropped this bomb from April 4th in Madison.

I’ve got so much new found respect for Jessie Jackson. The guy has spent more time in Madison over the past 2 months than most residents. Words cannot even explain it. But if this picture doesn’t have you thinking, then you need to re-examine your American dream.

And Lest We Not Forget

9 days until Whistler

Tags: art, Benny Gold, Bikes, Denims, Jessie Jackson, Scott Walker is a douchebag
Posted in Flashion, Politiks | 3 Comments »

Dude should be wearing a helmet

Friday, February 11th, 2011

I’m counting at least 125 points of awesome in this video. The funny thing is that if I didn’t know JD had passed (R.I.P. homey), I would have sworn this shit was released this year. Those costumes those shades. The old Burton Cruzer(?). Making Kanye look tired. Shit son.

ps. I stole this from liftopia’s facebook account, but i don’t think anyone actually pays attention to that, so iz cool.

Tags: Burton Snowboards, John Denver, Pow
Posted in Flashion, snowboardering | 4 Comments »

Winter Wear Wallpapers

Monday, December 20th, 2010

I’m finally getting around to maybe doing some snowboarding this year. And to do it right, I grabbed some new outerwear. Now, I could give you a facebook-teenager-in-the-bathroom-mirror shot. But I knew that wouldn’t work around here. So I stepped it up a notch. I’ve taken the time to drop my outerwear into some wallpapers for you. Feel free to grab these and put them on your parents computer while you’re visiting them over the holidays.

First off, we’ve got my outerwear costume in the grips of with some really badass, elfen hussy. EVERYONE IS AFTER MY STYLE!

The second option goes out to the Jesus Freaks. I mean if Kelly Clark has taught us anything, it’s that Jesus helps you win contests.

Lastly, we got that bad shit. Careful! In case you didn’t notice, there’s a cougar back there.

FUUUUCK my costume and cougar? Together? Two of the deadliest beasts known to man in one place, crazed.

Late breaking news: It seems I’m not the only one who got new outerwear today.

Tags: Goosefeather, outerwear, Volcom, Wallpapers for your ass!
Posted in Flashion, snowboardering | 1 Comment »

The Freshestness

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

I think I’ve made one thing abundantly clear during my time on earth—I am here to help make you the freshest You you can be. Whether you’re strutting down the street or gnarlying in powder, certain brands just exude style. Then of course there are brands that seem to spray people with shitpissery as well.

Enter my new favorite yeah-right brand Jesus Juice Coature.

I don’t even know where to start with this. Actually I do—

Strike One: Jesus
Strike Two: Juice Coature. I don’t know if this is some lame derivative of Juicy Couture. But it’s too suggestive. And I’m pretty sure Juicy Couture has run it’s course now that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is now popping out kids. Then again, it does make me long for a company called Vaurnay or Body Globe. But we’re not done here, these dudes also spun off “couture” to get “coature.” That is weak. That essentially puts you on the same level as Shooze and Jeanetic Material.
Strike 3:

I’ve been thinking we need to see more leather and suede on the ol’ slopes this season. I also love the “designed with ….in mind.” Just because I take a shower with Audrey Plaza in mind doesn’t mean I’m arm candy to the famous and funny.
Strike 4: Because this company is blobviously playing playing 2nd grade rules where you swing until you get a hit. We might be here awhile.
Strike 5: C’mon doods, in fashion there are like 2 fonts that are off limits. That “C” and papyrus.

To be completely open about this, I’d only learned of this company a few days ago when Lorenius made this shit magically appear on my phone:

The sign means they’re official.

I can’t wait for this shit to drop at Flow.

Tags: hackwork, jesus juice coature, skiers
Posted in Flashion | No Comments »

Tuesday Rantasauras: A plea for respectable spectacles

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

This is straight outta the email:

I like to imagine I wasn’t actually a creeper. Fuck, I was in college. I was just more awkward than anything. Still am. This is how it works though. All things being equal if I’m at the grocery store and I have the choice between a cashier who is even remotely attractive and some girl wearing cardigan over a floral print dress to flash her iconoclastic shitbag hipster rhythms, I’m going with the remotely attractive one. I can only assume it’s because I’m male.

Spinning off from that I really dislike how riverwestism allows ugly people to be passed off as attractive. Listen up holmes. If your 27 and bald you’re not going to make it okay by growing a mustache and wearing vintage specs. Hear me out muthafucker, I’ve humping this Spectacles chicken since th3rd grade. My first pair of specs had Linus on the bow. Why? Because glasses are some dork shit and when you’re 8 and you find out you’re going to be a 4-eyes you need all comfort you can get. So I got Linus. Totally would have preferred Pigpen. That dude was real. Not some blanket-toting thumbsucker. It’s Like Arrested Development said “Dig your hands in the dirt. Children play with Earth.” Pigpen was on that.

So now I’m 20 years deep in the specs game. So now I’m 10 pairs deep in the specs game. I got the contacts, eyes in eyes, option as well, but you gotta understand the appeal of the specs. Dramatic put-ons and take-offs. Pensive bow-biting. Who wouldn’t hit a man with contacts? Since that time we were walking home in Madison and the Hater broke the Fawanks in that snowbank and I made it rest of the way home with bent rims and one lens. That was some shit. But still, specs is radder. Fuck a lasik cop-out.

Tags: Arrested Development, riverwestism, shitbag hipsters, specs, Stories from the lobsterpot.
Posted in Flashion | 3 Comments »

Well okay?

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

I got this bomb dropped on me from my friend John over at 7 Years Winter.

I never thought I would say this but, “fuck yeah Herr-meez!”

Tags: Hermes, pretty rad shit, skateboarding
Posted in Advertising, Akshin sports, Flashion | 4 Comments »

Handful of Hackory

Friday, September 24th, 2010

Step one: 3 shots of Old Overholt, because this is going to hurt.

Now Watch this:

If we were playing Hackocity SkeeBall, dude just scored 100. Now you have to take into account that lifted this from the pages of Copyranter. So I’m already chest deep in the mucky-muck of Hackwork, and I’m still able to look at this and call it super weak.

This is worse than high school when Mofaniel, Hater and I used to reeneact Marlboro ads, except we used snowboards and skateboards instead of horses. Actually that that was just us hanging out and smoking.

This out-hacks the shitty choose your own adventure books I would write in fifth grade where you would always die and I would always end up making out with Hairmetal Renee who rode the same school bus as me.

This is even worse than 5yr old me and older broder set up the Nizo super Ocho and re-enacted the final scene in the intro to Marty Stouffer’s Wild ‘Merica.

Big difference is that I was kid, not running for congress. This is some shit kids do. A proper youth learns through hackmosis, until one day they can just cut loose for like six hours on shit that comes out heated. It’s all 49% derivative, but its 51% fresh. Then they get old and bitter and become bloggermansandwomans.

Anyway Jerry Labriola is at 25% derivative and 25% bad tie and 100% hack. I can only assume Slippy is voting for him.

The Sequel

It seems The Citrus Report knows when bite the Sartorialist as well.

Thrice

9191. It was good. Not too much slow motion, I didn’t fall asleep and only like 5 heli shots in 23 minutes. However I wish I‘d used my deductive reasoning skills and deduced not to get the high def version.

This was a VOLCOM flick so out it was art-housed to fuckall. Well not quite Videograss style, but you get the motion picture. Grainy grainy grainy in many parts, completely negating the HDness. Thankfully, it never reached the dreadfully awfulness of the iFauxn users who use the hipstamatic app. Cuntos. Holga-hacks. Even though the typical Holga was really just an excuse for not knowing how to shoot a picture. “I can’t really handle taking anywhere near decent pics so I’m going to get a Diana and shoot everything at an angle, you know so it’s artsy.” I think a very similar reasoning justified the film Waking Life.

Single-minded message: get your hands on 9191 because Gigi is rad and Iguchi is in it and it’s a good flick and just because you can sext in hipstamatic doesn’t give you an excuse for that disco bush.

Tags: 9191, Copyranter, Gigi Ruf, Hackmosis, Hipstamatic, Jerry Labriola, Marty Stouffer's Wild America, The Citrus Report, Volcom
Posted in Advertising, Akshin sports, Flashion, snowboardering | No Comments »