Once again social media proves itself to be The Tower of Babel, The Fountain of Youth, and Finnegan’s Wake all rolled into 42. This was delivered to me today via twitters.
It makes Torontario seem like a decent place.
A bit of back story here: Broder vR has been laying low in Torontario. To hide his identity, he’s changed his name to Wu. I’ve heard he’s like a Charlie Chan figure up there. Especially when he drops wisdom like “They say Obama’s a socialist, but somehow all I got is jack shit and student loans.”
Anyway TheyCallMeVice, which may be one of the most heated twitter names ever, says I am to come visit.
I say not unless they have snow or mountains or beaches where I can sit and drink out of coconuts.
She says she’s They drink out of whatever. Still encouraging my visit.
She obviously doesn’t know what kind of disappointment she’s asking for. I’m like the Pit of Carkoon but with let downs, rather than pain and suffering.
But I’d like to go. I’ve heard they have a plaque in the middle of the city that reads, “We are a humble people.” It’s just a small plaque, obviously. You may have never noticed it, and that’s okay, it just remains there, guiding the Canadanesian lifestyle.
Still they like to drink out of whatever. These seem like my kind of people. That said I’ve compiled a list of things I would drink out of if I were to got to Torontario:
- A water fountain at the CN tower.
- Sydney Crosby’s glove.
- A cup that I took from a stranger’s house, because Michael Moore says they don’t lock their doors.
- The throat of a virgin whilst at some sort of black mass.
- A Labatt Blue bottle half-full of warm piss.
- Something something The Weakerthans
- Right outta the faucet. SAVAGE!
- The Great Canadian River.
- WHOA
- A fucking polar bear skull
You know this is legit.
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