Item 1:
This comes to us compliments of Alumni Boardshop here in Madison.
Ch-ch-check it:
That wall grip has mall grip.
What’s next, mangos with bongos skating mongo through the mangroves?
Unlikely, you can’t skate where the mangroves grow.
The Second Item :
Cancer 4 Cure is coming. Get ready for it:
I’ll catch you when I got free time.
Let’s begin.
Listen uppish. You know I see some shows, right? It’s pretty much all I’ve got going on over here. But that’s not what’s important. The key thing is I recently saw Aziz Ansari. I even copped the marquee pic to prove it.
But don’t worry, I shot that from hip level so I wasn’t gotted, spotted and blotted for hackory. Whatever, in my old age my give-a-fuck-ometer seems to have a -3 preset. Plus, comics are rad. There ain’t nothing wrong with comedy dorkery. I just gotta keep telling myself that.
But back to the show. First off, there were absolutely zero steaks going on at the show. It seems Outback Steakhouse dropped the ball on this one. Then again, I suspect most people have the same feeling walking out an Outback Steakhouse.
But Aziz (Jesus, get to the story man) so Aziz shows up wearing a suittux, or whatever you call the men’s apparel that fits in the zone between a suit and tuxedo. He was total looking-good comedy guy. Now that I think about it, the Amex commercials are the only time I’ve seen him not in a suit. Proper.
And how does his Madison fan base repay him? With this of course:
Sorry about the crap image, I had to run a flash in a theatre. 100% dick-move. I took a picture of this mamajama, with a flash, while I was seated directly behind her, just so I could comment on her garb.
But really, stack it up:
Locomotive Bibs—I choo-choo-choose to bust on your fashion choices. They call me the conductor. These are probably her favorite things to wear, overall. I’m staying on the rails as a lazy train.
Swimsuit—I like a base layer that keeps the lake and river filth closer to my genitals. A bra and funderwear are totally acceptable for impromptu pool action if you don’t have a swimsuit, but this is not the symmetric property. Perhaps she had just finished her annual Madison hippie bath. I like to dress like a Counting Crows’ song.
Footwear: I never saw them but can only assume they went one of four way: tevas, birkenstocks, hiking boots or bare feet. Probably bare feet.
The number of people per capita making questionable fashion choices in Madison is astronomical. This is the word of omgawd.
Deuce:
Polica. I bought the vinyl. Really. I have nothing to play it on. I think this is my version of skinny pants.
Striples:
After the concert I went to Mickey’s because it’s close to my lair. And the word on the street was that the band was gonna be there. So many Manitou heads. Old connects. Good news is, 12 years after meeting him, I’m pretty sure Hurlbert is one of the most authentic dudes out there. Solid Gold for sure.
Check out the majesty of this image:
You see that drink on the left? That’s a Canadian Club on ice. The drink on the right? That belongs to the girl I spent my early 20s dating and hating and dating and hating and finally coming to terms with and becoming friends with. She’s getting married on June 2nd. I couldn’t be happier or more proud of her.
Dude, is pretty much the answer to everything.
And this thing still fires me up.
And this helps me think.
And this is where it all lies today.
White Bread:
We’re gonna start off with some music, because much like bread music is the foundation for everything. It keeps us all together. Especially the raps music, right?
Crunchy Peanut Butter:
This car was parked outside of my office. I’m pretty sure this is not an Apple licensed product. I’m also pretty sure this was a DIY project. Probably found in the tech issue of Real Simple magazine. Right next to the instructions on how to make your own Oddities Museum*.
Honey:
I copped this from Boardistan. It’s pretty rad. He said it was the best way you could spend 12 minutes. He might be right. Plus, it’s that dude from Oasis so moefaniel is gonna be stoked.
Marshmallow Fluff:
Could this be the Amberlamps? Because I don’t think it’s a real ambulance. I will support my argument with these points
A: Civilian Plates.
2: Given the prefix “Para-“ can mean “closely related” or “almost,” and it’s paired with “tech,” we are looking at an, “almost practical application of knowledge in a particular area.” That sounds safe.
BRNZ: “…help is on the way.” No MFer. By the time someone can read that, help has already been there. Also, that ellipsis? What is being omitted?
Fin: That is the shittiest Caduceus ever.
Another Slice of White Bread Because This Aint Open Faced:
The Packers are a sprots team. They play the sprot of football americano. This dude is mega-star on the team and here we have a quick clip of his kickflippery. It’s pretty clear that at some point in his life #52 has been on a deck, but now he’s awkward on one and that’s somewhat funny. You know what’s even funnier than that? Right at the :06 mark you can see he really, REALLY wants to skate it Mongo.
And a Bag of Chips:
Can we just stop now with all the Tupac’s Hologram jokes? That took less than a week to turn to shit.
*Please look forward to the Real Simple article on making your own Oddities Museum later this week.
This one came to me complements of old friend and birthday sharer, L Bergs. She claims to have gotten it from her yoga instructor, but I don’t believe it.
But that’s not the point. What we really need to focus on here is the awesomeness.
The Blindness of the Woods from amautalab on Vimeo.
1nd
I was able to get out for my first mountain bike session of the year. I was at the John Muir Trails to lay down 12-14 miles and a little time in the skillz course. I was originally thinking of heading to Blue Mounds State Park, but the trails there aren’t even open yet. Which is probably a good thing. I’m not ready for that place. One thing I learned on Saturday is that I am wickedly out of biking shape. Had I been at Blue Mounds, those horrible hills would have left me for dead. Fuck, those hills are aerobically treacherous even at the peak of bike season.
Anyway, I was out riding, feeling good, passing people, then about 8 miles in I crapped out and was passed by two groups. I was struggling. My fingers were sore from gripping the bars. My shoulders were sore. I was a wreck. Somehow I finished up the ride and wept, alone in my car. I’ve got some work to do.
But the bike was in pretty good shape. Sure, a few screws need to be tightened and the shocks still need a proper fine-tuning, but damn it felt good to be back on the trails. Hard to believe last weekend I was on a snowboard.
2th
Here are a couple more of late hitters from the Tahoe trip.
First up we’ve got Benji getting some off a man’s jump at Heavenly. I heisted this one off facebook but it’s still pretty rad.
Next up we’ve got an image from the ice rink in the village at Northstar. We’re going to play a game. Please tell me what is the awesomest part of this image.
Is it:
A: The girl with no pants on?
3: The guy in a tank playing a flute?
®: The fact that they were there together?
3nd Operation: Through Noggle’s Goggles
It’s been brought to my attention that Madison has local television stations. And it’s been brought to my attention that these local televisions stations have news broadcasts. And it’s been brought to my attention that one of these local news reporters claims to be an avid snowboarder.
I heard this and I knew had to dig a little deeper. It wasn’t hard. She claims to be of the shred on her own blog. I know what you’re thinking, “Shit, news lady is bloggermama too.” But hold on. I am concerned about her having bloggermama status.
I have these concerns because of her shred choices. First off, I think she might be running a Head snowboard and some off brand bindings. Then her outerwear choices are kind of questionable. If you’re not willing to succumb to old-shred status that you gotta keep your shit quick. Either you’re re-upping in your costume every season, of you’re going with the safety looks. She seems to be doing neither.
Then again, she’s a local television personality status and can’t get a hook-up? Where are the local reps on this. Get her on the program, so when the local news turns to her for a story about Capital-S snowboarding it isn’t a story about “snow boarding.”
But more importantly, I’m now on a mission to get Amber Noggle on the Rumorator program. This is how it’s going to happen. Over the next 8-9 months I’ll pressure Local Television Personality, Amber Noggle, to ride with Rumorator. It’s going to be awesome. I’ll make a whole series out of it—Through Noggle’s Goggles. It’ll be ace.
Dessert:
I gotta admit this is a pretty slick ad for Minnesota. Plus, the song is kind of addicting. Kinda wish they would have gotten had the snowboarderist in front of a House of 1817 backdrop.
But there is more! Did you see that band? Those dudes are solid gold. Literally, that band is SOLID GOLD. And check out Señor Hurlburt on the guitar. Dang, giving Minnesota some love from the Cleeze.
Your local Taco Bell presents 4rd Meal aka Vivir More
You know that feeling you had back in high school, about that slightly off girl in your class. Maybe she wasn’t the brightest girl in school. She probably wasn’t really attractive, maybe she wasn’t even in the regular classes and just sat in your mom’s office the whole day because you mom was the guidance counselor and that broad had problems. But yet she had those monster boobs that you couldn’t stop looking at those. She probably had boobs before any other girl and this probably had something to do with the amount of time she spent in your mom’s office getting guidance counselor-ing.
You know the girl I’m talking about right? That kind of how I felt about this mural.
Get your recommend daily allowance of awesome right here.
Breakfast: Bloggerman/Bloggermama Oatmeal
I’ve been scoping blogs. Yeah, I’ve been scoping a couple of new ones.
This first one is from Hattie, the lady with the false rock star husband. Our enetz personas go way back—turn of the century style. I’m talking Developer. I’m talking the time BA gave us all Star Wars Avatars then had to take them away style because we were enetz assholes. I’m talking webforum days.
She’s still got heat, so you might want to check it out.
The Second is Rhys, who I’ve mentioned on here before. This dude makes me realize I need to spend about 500 percent more time in Torontario. His bikerman images are pretty great. Plus, I totally want to see the custom-made cod-piece atop which his gopro must be mounted.
Lunch: Little Donkey
Unless you live behind a rock, you should know Instagram dropped for the Android. And now that you know it’s available, you can push back that rock and c’mon out, into the now. It seems like a good weekend for coming out from behind rocks. Just ask Jesus.
Instagram was one of the last things making me want to have an iFone or iPodTouchFone. Well, that and the Van’s Waffle Sole case. Sure the iFone has cooler accessories, but the Android is just way radder. And now that I have Instagram, I can run an Android AND hang with all my friends. I think it’s a pretty cool medium that gives you a little insight into how your friends actually look at things, what they think is interesting and what they think is worth sharing. I’m pretty stoked to have it.
Plus, you get to see stuff like this gem from fellow Yobeater, Jerm (who I was told will not acknowledge Dolphin Boy for some reason)
If you’re so inclined to watch my random pic showdown with Arpodeepo, feel free to follow along @rumorator.
Dinner: Just a Fruit Smoothie, as I’m Still Full From That Little Donkey
Pretty stoked to find this image in my facebook trough. Feel the fucking majesty. 
Points to note:
• How they got a Victoria’s Secret Angel model to dress-up like a cop is beyond me. But then again, they’re models. I suspect the response was, “So you’re going to pay me to dye my wings to look like some dingy-ass flag of ‘merica AND I get to cover my boobs. Fuck it, I’m in.”
• Careful here folks, we’ve got a fucking rogue chameleon-eagle hybrid on the loose. I think you can trust when nature creates something as gnarly as a chameagle© the humans’ days are numbered.
• Given the protecting demeanor bestowed upon the police officer here, we can assume this was drawn by a white man, and probably not a New Yorker.
• 30 percent chance that cop is a pedophile.
• You see those two tall buildings in the background? I thought Boots and Pam blew-up those things years ago?
• Please explain who the “us and them” are. Cops and not cops? Terrorists and not terrorists? White folks and Obama? Android users and iFone users? Snowboarders and skiers? Humans and chameagles?
Assume for a minute that it is roughly 7pm last Friday, March 16, 2012. You have just landed at San Francisco International Airport. The third member of your party is supposed to land at 7:30. Then you find out that she just took off from the east coast. See you at 11pm, LV.
SF was in a downpour. There were no more planes landing for a while. So my compadre, El Poco Lollo, and I hit the rental car shop. We ended up with a Chevy Traverse (pronounced Trav-erse, not Tra-verse). This is a vehicle I have some experience with, albeit in it’s GMC, nicer counterpart, the Acadia. We hopped in and went on the hunt for some sour diesel.
This was SF, right? There had to be some MFers looking to dump some on us. We started our hunt at The Fiddler Green. We thought this with be good place to go because they were showing basketball games while serving food and drink. We tried to ask our waitress for a hookup but she was speaking with a (possibly fake) Irish accent. El Poco Lollo said it sounded as if she had rocks in her mouth. It just made me sick.
Eventually we left sour diesel-less. Luckily, the rain had stopped and I was forced to ask myself why we were still in SF. We had a serious drive to South Lake ahead of us. I think El Poco Lollo was frustrated we were still in SF and not at the Benny Gold store.
I can’t really blame him.
So finally at 11 we retrieved LV at took off for Souf Lake. We made good time up through Vallejo and into Sac, but not long after that everything went bad. As soon as we got to elevation there was snow and chain controlled roads. For the next three hours it was 25mph and sloppy. LV was blasting at me for running the tweets whilst driving through a snowy mountain pass. Like I can’t multitask? I really can’t, I never once remembered to put the Traverse in park. The last couple hours of the drive was just white knuckles and anger.
At 4:30 in the morning we finally arrived in New Zealand, where they apparently don’t have things like heat. LV kept going off about how weird it was that in EnZed they don’t keep their eggs refrigerated. It’s a pretty basic premise: when your house is like 38 degrees most of the time, you really don’t need a refrigador. We all bundled up and fell asleep, only to be woken up 3 hours later to news that there was 2+ of new snow at Heavenly.
We got motivated and eventually made it out the door. This when I discovered that Jonaten drives this beast:
Check it again. That thing has a snorkel. Fuck everything else. Snorkels, bro, snorkels. Do you even know how many rivers and lakes and swamps and wet things I would drive through if the silver spurt had a snorkel. Plus, it’s sound system is amazering.
I guess this is a good option when your neighbors keep trying to steal your other, newer truck.
Then it was off to Heavenly we went, but I’ll tell you about that soon enough.