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Dimebags of Funk

Tuesday, September 13th, 2011

1th

So 9-11 came and went. But not without an absence of fanfare. And of course the NFL was out there, with their mullets and ‘merican flag tee shirts. Brainwashing, a la ‘merica right there.

For real, at one point some dude, no clue who he is,  was interviewed with the caption “Cleveland Browns Tight End Coach on 9-11-01.” Fox Sports just grasping at straws. I’m surprised they didn’t interview me with the caption “Poorly performing student on 9-11-01.” It probably would have been more poignant and compelling. Right up until I mentioned the plane getting shot down over Pennsylvania by USAer F-14 fighters..

Anyway, Conspiracy Me is also thinking that this is an effort by the right wing  to make September 11th some sort of holiday. September 11th will, from now on, be the new end of summer. It’s cool, we’ll get rid of Labor Day. That’s not an American holiday anyway. Assholes.

2rd

Woman in bar: Do you remember where you were on 9-11-01?
Rumorator: I was on a flight from Boston to LA.

That joke didn’t play well. Assholes

3st

Pretty cryptic telegraph coming in from DanVan3000 in DeepEar.
Regarding the Boundary Waters Area Forest Fire that is causing smoke to drift over all over the great state of Wisconsin.

It’s so bad we are wearing wet handkerchiefs over our faces [STOP]

and that’s just to get around in the house[STOP]

We would not even consider roaming outside for fear of the acid rain potential[STOP]

The locals are taking up a collection to build an Ark at the mouth of the Fox River[STOP]

in order to save the few remaining animals [STOP]

They hope to float it down Lake Michigan to the Illinois River [STOP]

in order to cross breed some of the animals with the dreaded Asian [STOP]

Carp. [STOP]

We can only hope and pray that we some how survive this painful ordeal [STOP]

Gotta go for now, the ashes are starting to eat through the vinyl siding [STOP]

Yours in Christ,
DanVan3000

4nd

I’ve got a sweet new voice mail message. All you MFers should call and listen to it. You know the number.

5st

Truckhoused

GarbageTruckHoused

6th

Thanks to KatieG with the bumps for this one:

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Posted in A Very Special Rumorator, Politiks | 1 Comment »

Stop using WWW, just make it bleedyeyes.com

Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

Here’s the agenda for today’s blog: Politics, Raps, Snowboards, Life Betterment

1th Smells like inaccuracy


Everyone knows that Switzerland is a direct democracy. That’s not freedom. Freedom is a Constitutional Republic. I mean the Switzerlanders are money-hiders and watchmakers and socialist. So socialist in fact, I bet that Commie Pinko bastard, G Machots is getting wild over them. They probably don’t even vote.

Next time I buy a deodorant scented like freedom, I had damn well better be able to pop the cap off, take a deep breath and suck in the scent of rusted-out factories, pissy alleyways, and some good mood food.

2st Asia Born

I got to catch Lyrics Born play the Orton Park Festival. It was cool for several reasons. It was outside. It was dark. There were $4 Labatt Blues. It was free.

The show was really quite good. LB is fucking steady. He puts on a wicked show with mega-energy just radiating from he and Joyo on the stage.  I think people nearby may even testify to having seen old Rumorator give the show a little Ka-lang-a-lang. But none of them can prove this.

My favorite part of the show was seeing the banners on the stage he was performing on. I suspect he must have taken one look at it and thought “ Heartland CU! These dudes know how to party!”

3nd

Winter is coming. So is the new Holden line. I hope.

4rd

You got one of these rigs?

You should. It fucking eliminated everything. Food Processor? It’s got’s that attachment. Blender? Gonezo. Coffee Grinder? Now used specifically for weed. Toaster? Fuck that thing. Fleshlight? You gotta live on the edge sometimes.

Seriously get one. I’ve been a smoothie machine because of it. Also puree-ing kohlrabi, carrots, beets and the list goes on. I’m drinking more liquified foods than your gramma with no teeth. For real, get one.

BONUS!

If you’re on the twitters you might want to follow BonIverBlows. The dude is pissed up about music.

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Posted in Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign, Politiks, product reviews | 2 Comments »

It would be nice to get a letter like this as a USAer.

Monday, August 22nd, 2011

Jack_Layton_letter

Heads up to all my Canadian friends, keep it going. We are young and this world is ours. Do something to make it a better place.

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Choices need to made!

Monday, July 25th, 2011

Some choices are harder than others:


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Posted in Politiks | 1 Comment »

The Hump Day Dump

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

Wednesday, lets do this.

I finally pulled the trigger on some new Benny Gold’s. I grabbed the Gold Standard selvage denims. I actually got these bad boys last Friday and have been living in them ever since. They are good pants, made in the USA, 13.5 oz denim, comfy, all that. Plus  look at that color.

Coming from 5 years of wearing Nudies and APCs almost exclusively, these things are definitely a change, The legs have way more room and the rise is mega. at first I was a bit unsure of them, but they’ve quickly grown on me. Besides, not all of my pants need to that slim. my favorite feature of these pants is the pen pocket off the coin pocket. It’s a simple thing, but as someone who carries a pen 90 percent of the time, it’s great. I’m not a denim expert but I’m guessing these pants are coming from the same denim used in Agave jeans. They seem a touch too soft out of the box to be from the Cone factory. Again that is pure speculation. I used some social media mastery and asked Mr. Weiner himself where they were from but he just said they were made in the USA. Benny Gold is TRADE SECRETIVE.

At the online shop he recommends sizing down one size, which I have to echo to anyone. If you want them to be slimmer, go down two sizes. And speaking of the online shop, he’s got them for 50 percent off right now. So go buy two pairs. If your local shop isn’t carrying these, be sure to grab them directly from the source. It puts more money in the pockets of the people who design and make the goods, not some online streetwear-exploitation warehouse. Support the people that support your interests.

One to the Next One

I first saw this video a couple months ago, then my buddy John from Seven Years Winter sent it out again the other day.

VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

Be sure to take note of his uniform at 3:29.

I like his style.

And Then There Was This

My main sticker mama and all around rad lady Nat Vosko had her pottery show opening the other day. I gotta say, her pieces look good.

Congrats to Nat, and thanks to L-boogie for getting pics of it all.

While We’re Here

Dane101 and Phil Ejercito dropped this bomb from April 4th in Madison.

I’ve got so much new found respect for Jessie Jackson. The guy has spent more time in Madison over the past 2 months than most residents. Words cannot even explain it. But if this picture doesn’t have you thinking, then you need to re-examine your American dream.

And Lest We Not Forget

9 days until Whistler

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Posted in Flashion, Politiks | 3 Comments »

Awards Season

Monday, March 14th, 2011

First Period: International Affairs

Alright Readership, here we go. I was informed by 1/5 of youthat I need to get back to writing about snowboards or bikes or at least something funny, or I am going to lose my readers. The other four of them.

The fact of the matter is this has been a pretty crapchunk season for snowboarding. I’ve been bizzed, not getting out as much as I want and the weather has been garbage barge. Luckily I will be sneaking out to Whistler to catch “The Show” portion of the Telus Festival. And since I’m going solo, if anyone wants to meet up and toss down a couple turns or beers let me know. I need friends.

Second Period: History

Incase you missed that, I’m taking this show international. And yet I still get no high fives on the local. Is cool though. This thing never set out to be a Milwaukee blog. The origins of this entire rag was to blast shit about a core group of guys who all lived on the same wing in our dorm.

Somehow it got out of hand, people decided to read it and it’s given me an excuse to have more fun.  It also gave me an excuse to have some stickers made. In fact it’s almost like I’ve got a street team. Check out this action from the Socal track racer man.

Shit gets raced. I’m like the USofA with the army racecar, except I’m still backing women’s reproductive rights. HUZZAH!

3rd Period: Social Studies

As I was saying, I’m not really looking to be some Milwaukee blogger. But this is some serious hackory: Check out the Shepard Express (print publication, old media) Best of Milwaukee Web Awards.

Scroll through the list and take note of the serious lack of Rumorator nods. I’m like Marty Scorsese, before The Departed, over here. I guess if I was going to knock off something Japanese for the cred at home, now would be the time.

And dig on this one:

Really I shouldn’t be so offended. Because if you look at the options for best art blog The first option is Art City, which is pretty much in direct competition to the Shepard Express. For real, the Shep Ex is suppose to be our alterative weekly, loaded with stuff to put you in the know. And who do they nominate for best Art Blog in the city? Not themselves. This would be like el rumorator just talking about how rad Shayboarder is. Fucking genius work.

4th Period: Government

At the risk of losing all my readers, you gotta see this:

It’s from Mr. PhilGarlic’s FlickrStream

It’s also worth checking out this one, from Dane 101.

That’s a lot of pissed off people, Scotty. Beware.



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Posted in Milwaukee Radification Project., Politiks | 2 Comments »

The NewSSR #4

Wednesday, March 9th, 2011

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Posted in Milwaukee Radification Project., Politiks | No Comments »

Fat Tuesday

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

A Report From The World Health Organization

I’m starting to believe Wisconsin’s Governor and official corporate pawn, Scooter Walker, may have planted rogue agents among the protesters. Agents to spread illness around. How do I know this? It’s because everyone who has been involved is ending up with Rally Hack. Frankly, my throat feels like shit.

Last night I was doing some at-home remedying/witchcraft and whatever came out of my nose and throat tasted like a farm. Believe it. I’ve been to farm. Shit was farmy.

Part 2.

Catholics fire up their Lenten studies tomorrow. And you’ll know who these cats are because they will either talk to you about what they are giving up for lent, or, for the ones who are way into it, they’ll have some ash rubbed on their faces. That’s some leftover pagan meets Apocalypse Now style for sure.

But yeah, it’s all about what they are giving up. Sometimes they’re like “I’m giving up pizza, or sodas, or doughnuts.” Pssht. Why don’t you try something a bit more demanding? Spend your 40 days and 40 nights not being such an asshole. Or “I’m going to try to stop nodding when I stare at the boobs of the girl who pours my cappuccinos.” Make some real sacrifices here cafflicks.

Forget it. A few years ago, I gave up listening to people talk about their silly Lenten give-ups. That was only a few years after I gave up their god. But if you’re still on that train, I’ve compiled a list of things you might want to consider giving up this Lenten season.

  • Spend forty days making sure there is left directional use with that left turn.
  • Quit telling me you zeach and tindy to be ironic.
  • Give up being smoke-free. ¡es hora de fumar!
  • Quit crying.
  • Stop oppressing.
  • Stop snitchin’.
  • Stop closing the door to bathroom stalls. Jesus bonus if you leave the door to the greater bathroom open as well.
  • Please stop playing that Mumford and Sons song.
  • Stop Facebook liking things that are impossible to like. You cannot honestly like punch cards, self check-outs, or one dollar bills.
  • Stop holding out girl.
  • Start stunting.
  • If you sit near me, you could consider trying to stop talking to me.
  • Stop the war on workers
  • Stop hiding, stop hiding, stop hiding your face.

You’ve got a few hours left before the no fun starts. Go rip it up.

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Posted in Listed, Politiks | 4 Comments »

The NewSSR #3:

Friday, March 4th, 2011

It seems even Democratic members of the House of Representatives  are falling victim to the police state that is coming down from the Walker Regime.

Channel 12 caught some sweet video of  Nick Milroy getting tackled by officers at the capitol.

I’m shocked it took as long as it did for the police to move the cameraman away.

I’ll be back in action this weekend, It sounds like it’s going to be the biggest one yet.

Scotty, you have crossed the wrong state.

Part 2

I just picked this up off  my homey J Finkle’s facebook page:

So for all those who forgot why you can not call obama a fascist.

“We must close union offices, confiscate their money and put their leaders in prison. We must reduce workers salaries and take away their right to strike.”
Adolf Hitler, May 2, 1933

That shit sounds familiar.

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Posted in Politiks | No Comments »

Two Weeks in Madison

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

Thanks to Wisconsin Resistance Radio for making this piece and my friend Huggins for drawing my attention to it.

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Posted in Politiks | 2 Comments »

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