Archive for the ‘snowboardering’ Category

2012-1

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

Happy New Year!
Whoo-hoo!
Okay, now can-it and let’s get to work here. We’ve got things to cover:

1th
Utah in 4 days. I got $5 that says I get no more than 9 runs in, over 3 days. Last time I was in Park City people were telling me what a horrible year it was. That was six years ago. This year people are saying “No really, this is the worst year ever.” I’ve seen this before, Jackson Hole in 1998 and again in 2004. Worst years ever.

Anyway, if you need me from Friday–Monday I will be camped out at CobraDogs.

2st
There was a mini QCC ‘leven thrown down. It was just me and Chip. And it involved Ashley’s and JJ’s Fish and Chicken.

Ashley’s: Located at 15rd and Center, people have been talking about this place being more legit than Speed Kween, which seems to be a point of contention. So we went. Parked the Silver Spurt and walked in. The interior is void of any seating, except for like 3 chairs against the wall. There  was also Mortal Combat II, Ms Pac Man, some zombie shooting game, and a couple of unplugged video poker machines. The entire customer area was about 300sq. ft. and somehow they claim to run weekend buffets in this joint.

There were several menus, but none of them had pricing on them. One menu featured “Rack of Ribs” (no pricing), so I stepped to woman behind the bulletproof glass.
“I’ll have the rack of ribs?” that question mark represents the uncertainty of what I was getting myself into.
“Beans and slaw?”
“What?”
“YOU WANT THE BEANS AND SLAW?”
“Yeah.”
“AND?”
“A soda…a mountain dew I guess.”
“$19.89”

Shit.
JJ’s: The meal from JJ’s was catfish nuggets, salt, fries, salt and chicken wings with salt. It was like $9 with the salt and a free grape soda.

We went back to Co-host’s joint to eat this mess. The ribs from Ashley’s were stacked like 3 levelles deep and came with 4 pieces of white bread. The ribs were pretty damn tasty. The slaw wasn’t worth putting in my mouth. And the beans, while they looked unappealing they were okay, but not good enough to put in my quickly filling gut.

Moving into the JJ’s meal, Chip had warned me that the fries sucked balls and there may be bones in the catfish nuggets. After one bite of everything we began discussing the finer points of JJ’s triple salting process. That was basically the highlight of JJ’s. That was seriously the saltiest food I have ever consumed. Even when my parents were in their hippie phase and we had goats with salt blocks to lick and my older brother made me lick that salt block, I was thinking, “This is salty, but someday I will eat at a place called JJ’s and it will be way saltier.”

In the end I was a little bummed out. I wanted JJ’s to be good. I wanted it to be this gem that everyone just drives past and assumes if a crappy place to eat [Eddie Vedder voice] even though [/Eddie Vedder voice] it’s amazing. But nope, it’s just a crappy place to get salty food. The mural inside is shitty too.

Ashley’s on the other hand it worth going back to. So solid. Just don’t get the full rack of ribs.

3nd
I was in the middle of bagging on these books, when someone told me how good they were. I really don’t believe them, but it made me feel like an asshole.

Whatever. I judge these books by their covers, but more by their shitty titles.

4st
I drove over my snowboard, and I really working on those lip slides.

Gatoring

Monday, December 5th, 2011

Hey kids, you wanna buy some naked pics of that snowboarder?

I have said it before and I will say it again: Sean Blanco is the next Gator. That blond is lucky she hasn’t been discovered stuffed in a surfboard sack and dumped behind the Burton Store in NYC. Then again she hasn’t been identified, so she could well be missing.

I also like the report that Senor Blanco was all like “C’mon guys, I’m a gold medalist. Erase those pics or Target is going to get pissed. C’mon guys, erase those pics, or I’ll dump your body with hers. C’mon guys please.”

They he turned to the unnamed blond and demanded $89,000 just for showing up in her vagina.

Meanwhile all the photosnappers were like, “Totally, Sean. Totally erased.”

Yeah right, YEAH RIGHT. The “it’s erased” line is just a reflex lie at this point. Like “No, I wasn’t sleeping” or  “I only had two girl scout cookies”, ” or “Oh yeah I’ve been with tons of womens.” I remember lying to Lizzo from writing class about those pics being erased. And they were, after we copied them on to like ten computers. Those were the hottest 1.2 Megapixels images ever. But really “it’s erased” was first muttered 7 seconds after digital cameras were invented. It would have been sooner but those early cameras took forever to process anything.

Masticating factor: Shawn White is irrelevant to snowboarding.

English Lessons

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011

1rd

It happens every so often that snowboarding (the media, the industry, or even the act itself) tries to convince us that there is something going on in the UK. I’m pretty sure the powers that be over there are were thinking, “well I guess it’s time to make another run at this snowboarding game.” I mean it must kill them to think snowboarding is just one more thing the Scandinavians are better than them at doing. Add it to the list:

• Exploration without wiping out autochthonous culture.
• Fjords
• Fjolklore
• Automobile manufacturing
• Church burning
• And now snowboarding too

They’ve tried quite hard to convince us UK shredding was real. They have magazines about it. They have Matt Barr. And it only makes sense. In the grand “Keep Snowboarding Rich and White” theme, of course the UKers would be involved somehow. Those MFers know racism and classism. You would know this if ever listened to an album from the Streets, or watched Precious: A movie based on the novel Push, by Sapphire. Stay focused on the shred though. Really the only rider out of the UK with staying power has been Jenny Jones.

Then I did a little research and found out she is only #3 in the realm of UK shredlegends. I was looking down the list, not recognizing any names until I came to The Real Jenny Jones. I was thinking, “Who the fuck could possibly be bigger?” Part of me was convinced they were going to claim Terry Hawkenson as their own.

Instead I’m confronted by Steve Bailey in #2. I remember that dude. On the Division 23 team. Blasting monster shifties and rocking chain wallets and maybe white dreads if I remember correctly. Oh shit, that was Steve Blakely. I was way off. I have no clue who #2 nor #1 is.

But this latest push is crazy. They send over Jamie Nicholls to win some rail jam in Tokyo. This dude was raised on dry slopes. He’s never actually been on real snow. I imagine he was like the tour guide I in had in Hawaii asking what snow was like. “Can your animals go outside in it?” It must have blown his mind to have to wear a jacket and snow specific pants. WHAT ARE THESE THINGS I AM SLIPPING OVER MY HANDS? GLUVS? Then again, he probably just associated it with Japan. That place is wacky.

Really though, the kid rips.

2st

Fun fact: Jamie Nicholls is represented by Octagon. I wonder if the people at Octagon feel cheated whenever they see the previews for the ABC show Revenge. I like the idea of Octagon-ers thinking, “Those MFers just heisted our “8 as G” motif. And they’re using a serif font as well.”

To make matters worse that show looks like a crap hybrid of The Fugitive and Desperate Housewives. Blah blah blah strong female lead. Whatever. It supposedly takes place in the Hamptons, but there is a serious lack of talk about the hard luck that has fallen on the fishermen. No talk about how they can’t sell no stripers. No luck in swordfishing out there.

3th
Small business Saturday. At first I was not backing this at all. Some fucking corporate propagated do-gooderism-autofellatio. But then I found out my local shop, MODA3, was involved. I still think it’s corporate crap, but if there is a way I can take advantage of it, I’m going to. It works like this.

1. Register your American Express card. Just do it. They know everything you spend money on already, so why not take advantage of this little perk.
2. Buy a new tee-shirt or beanie or whatever it is you’re aching for, but spend $25 and toss a little money at one of the raddest shred and streetwear shops in the Midwest. Fuck it, they might be the raddest. PERIOD!
3. Get a $25 credit from Amex. SNAPPED! Free t-shirt or beanie or 420kit or just $25 off those killer Stussy vests.

Still corpo to fuckall, but at least you can support a good shop. So whatever I guess.
Laterzzzz.

Shradtalk Times

Thursday, November 17th, 2011

Mega shrad in the news this week. So lets make sure we got it correct.

1. Putting the FIS in fisting, or Ski Down

I was pretty sure this was settle in nine-ocho when Terje was like “Olympics, yeah, I’m not doing that dude.” But then we had Ross Power doing monster amplitude methods and we all kinda looked the way. Then suddenly  it was 12 years later and Sean Blanco was claiming quad-corks and such. But the big this was that every one kinda forgot Snowboarding in the olympics was run by skiers.

Now that dark secret is back in the spotlight. The FIS has decided they know how to host slopestyle events. Nevermind the fact the a organization run by snowboarders, with experience hosting, ranking and judging contests was totally willing to work with them to make sure slopestyle wasn’t 100% worthless when it landed in the world stage. But off course the skiers said, “Fuck off.”

Now there seems to be a boycott brewing. I’m curious to see how this plays out. However it goes down, the key to remember is that skiers are dumb and you can never trust them.

2rd: Skiing up

There’s a lot of noise getting made by splitboarders right now. These dudes. Please.

Flawsyfiles is all about it. My friend Moefaniel is all about it. These dudes are telling me about getting out there, “earning turns”  and speaking all these other hippie idioms. Meanwhile all I can think is “Bru, they made chairlifts for a reason. Bru, there are no handrails in the world of splittery. Bru, you got Voiles?”

Lets go over some other reasons that make splittering ridiculous:

  • Where are the fine as bitchezzz?
  • Where is the jocko dude in a turtleneck who brings me my beers?
  • I feel like a dick just tossing all these cigarette butts all over nature. That is really an additional level of guilt I don’t need.
  • Those boards are friggin heavy.
  • It’s still half skiing.

Oh and then there is this:

Which is pretty much this:

Which is pretty much this:

Sillykins.

3th: Fuck this

I need one more person in my twitter trough to hype this thing.

Probably not so good on the uphill.

El Dia De Los Muertos

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Chapter 1: WINTAR

Seriously, where is this shit? Both coasts are getting hit. First it was the Tahoesies and Cololame-os getting some, and then UMS became CMS in a wicked blast of winter weather. SHOUT OUT TO NAT V!

Where the shit is my wintar weather?

Maybe this is for the best. I still need to find some boots. Actually, I don’t even need to find boots I just need to get them or something. Salomon Fdueceduece, where you at?

On the other hand, I got the winter ride ready to go. Just need to pop on the  studded tires and fenders. But this did happen over the weekend:

I don’t even know where those GT toestraps came from. Clay Davis says “Sheeeeeeit.” Just a pile of parts, all stripped off.

But now, $100 in,  I’ve got this:

Clearly, I still need to peel off some stickers and all,  but it’s pretty much theft-deterred right now. I say that but someday I’ll come to find my radio missing and battery gone. Ahhh…not really. I’ve got indoor bike parking at home and at the office. This is just how Madison rolls. How are you not going to have indoor bike parking?

Seriously, I don’t even lock that shit up. Just lean it against the rack. It’s like Micheal Moore’s Canada up here. Plus we can carry guns now, so there’s that.

In other news I have no trivia on Tuesday nights anymore, so that has me lost. I’m lost-aez bru.

capítulo uno: papá

Twas  poppa vRs birthday on the 26th. I missed it. I’m a horrible son. So Imma let him buy me dinner tonight to make up for it.

פרק אחד

Also, it was halloween. The greatest thing I saw, apart from Murs making raps, was a panda, sans head, getting real raw with a slutty nurse on the dance floor (street, as the concert was outside). I should also note the slutty nurse was wearing the missing panda head. It was fucking amazing. I want to go back in time, take acid and watch it all over again. Of course if the  was the case I would also go back in time and stop freshman-in-college Rumorator from getting down with like 4 of the first 5 girls I got down with. Just pull him aside and let him know, “It gets better, kid. Your gonna stop wearing those Phish shirts soon, and watch what you’re drinking, you’re getting college fat.”

Dan Savage could have had an “It gets better” campaign for me regarding the women I surrounded myself with. Shudder.

I also would then say “Listen to this  album with a candle burning and you’ll see your entire future,” just before handing past-me a copy of Dr. Octagon’s The Octogonecologyst.

Murakami Day aka How you gonna not get down?

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011

I can only assume you felt it when you woke up today. Perhaps your alarm was less alarming, or the water in the shower was not as wet. But something had changed. This is what happens on Murakami day. Things are different. Things are softer. You understand that something is askew, but you move forward.

1Q84 hits books stores today. Or Kindles if you’re one of those. I hope all of you Kindle/Nook schnooks forget how amazing books are. Need proof? Dig it:

A couple of things come out of this.

One: It’s so rad to finally know how to properly pronounce Knopf. And it even radder to see that they are willing to put this kind of work into a book cover. You aint getting this in trade paperback. Fuck No. Hardcover first edition. I’m buying two and keeping one deadstock. Sneakerheads is flipping in five years when I show ‘em my collection and don’t even let ‘em open the cover on the Murakami. Trust me, the words is in there.

Two: Two moons, of course. WHY THE FUCK NOT? For real. Sure you can charm some college girl’s funderoos down to the ankles with talk about anglish, but it’s time to grow up and get real world. This is “I should have won the Nobel Prize in literature” right here. So naturally we have two moons. And I take it in stride. Fuck it, it’s real life.

Whoa, I’m kind of exhausted and have half-wood after that.

I should also note, you need to be supporting your local bookstores on something like this. I will be picking up my copies of 1Q84 at Boswell Books in Milwaukee, mostly because Madison doesn’t have shit for local bookstores downtown. Tons of used book stores and a feminist bookstore, but nothing that just sells books. Niche marketing to the maxxx.

Not even an anarchist bookstore, who cooks for you, who cooks for you?

Los Dedos Doblar

You guys wanna go traTIMEveling?
Cool, then lets take it back to ’98 for a minute. You remember that year? Dub Brand Outerwear jackets? With that hood that rolled into the collar and like 500 branding hits all over them? Backyard snowboarding? Damn those days were the shits.

Seriously what year is this?

Arnette is rolling up again. And they got Del at the helm. Shit, my high school self is going wild on the inside. Next up, I’m gonna try and charm my way into some girls pants by talking about raps and snowboards and books (protip: this never works it. It never has. It never will. Just get some vodka instead).

In reality those is some good looking specs. I should try to score up some of those. I wonder if they fit cabezas gigantes?

Here’s more of a run down.

Weekbegin

Monday, October 17th, 2011

1rd: Why the devil should choose snowboarding for his work

If you’ve been hanging in my immediate sphere, you’re gonnaknow I’ve been knuckle deep in a Faith No More kick lately. And naturally that spilled over into some Mr Bungle action. In fact i was out riding the bike over the weekend and I had this running through my head the whole time:

AND recently I was scoping out some Salomon boots and shrad decks and I stumbled upon this sweet rig:

Which is some Mr. Bungle shit going on.

In all actuality I don’t know where this art originated, but this is some shit-piss appropriation. There is no way this concept ran through more that 3 people without one of them saying “Oh, that’s some Mr. Bungle back cover shit.” Because people know this. It lives deep in the human subconscious. Like the need for water or a Lucky Strikes period.

Then because it’s snowboarding, they fucked it. Granted the Salomonder is cropped much closer, but they still completely eliminated the devil. Perhaps this is strictly a design issue, but I think it has a lot more to do with the pro-jesusness that is all over the snowboarding scene. Gross.

But yeah, Mr. Bungle. Righteous.

2rd: I bought a jump rope

I’ve been getting down with it. You know, double dutch.

3st: It was funny

Anna Faris was on SNL. I watched it. I laughed my ass off.

4rd Bikery

Shredded some bike trails this weekend. It was rad. Kept a healthy pace over 18 miles.  Bike bike season is winding down. Got the  winter bike in the basement waiting to get readied. I’ve got some wrenches to turn.

5rd Son of a bitch, They know me!


WTFriday

Friday, October 7th, 2011

Beginning:

Murakami was robbed. I’m calling preferential Scanner treatments. Dynamite prize could have gone to the man who gave us this:

Instead we get this this dude:

Segway:

You see how that worked:

So yeah, Steve Jobs. Johnny Apple himself. Tough break for sure. The guy totally knew how to market the fuck outta something. But let’s not forget how exclusive and proprietary Apple has been.  And the measure of the man is something to be discussed. Billy Gates drops millions of dollars all around the world trying to solve problems and is still a nerd-monster. Johnny Apple, cuts all philanthropic giving by Apple, pretty much redefined planned obsolescence, and gets treated as a god.

Did he do a lot to make computers easier to use? Yes. Did his company dominate the media-delivery landscape over the past decade? Yes.  But he was a capitalist, that was his goal.

People keep saying that he will go down in the books next to Ford and Edison. But, please remember that Henry Ford pretty much found his workers expendable and Edison was a patent thief.

Shayve’s Honestly box: I’m typing this on a Mac at my office. My home is run by a MacBook, MacBook Pro, a Mac Mini and a G tower. I prefer the Mac Platform. They are great computers. Jobs had some amazing insight. In the end he has given me nothing, but he has sold me a lot of things.

Wrap it up:

This year’s snowboardering costume:

Consuming!

Ummm…Things you play with…Robin Williams’ movies…

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Today we’re talking about toys. No dude, we’re talking serious toys. Not that weird, stainless steel, egg-shaped thing that girl I dated college wanted me to stick up my ass to stimulate my prostate. But now that I think about it, that was a pretty serious toy. More serious than my relationship with the girl, which lasted for almost a complete three-day weekend.

1rd
So lets get into it shall we. Check this bitch out:

We’ve got LEGO Fett, LEGO Boskk, a LEGO version of Solo, alive and in perfect hibernation. Plus, Slave One with an unstoppable ability to just look gnarled to fuckall. Doors open and close, wings rotate, missiles fire. ‘Tis killer.

Big thanks to Keef Love and his Sladie for dropping such heat on me.

2th
I took a gamble and I think I broke even. Who knows, I may have lost. I bought a 1967 (approx.)Snurfer from a lady in central Wisco. The thing is certainly in need of some love The tail is warped and has some damage that can never be repaired. The wood is down to nothing but the rawness. I fail to believe this is the original hand rope and that decal work has seen better days.

So now the question is how to go about the rebuild process. 1rd thing 1rd is to stop the warping at the tail and bring the wood back to its original shape. But then comes the nerdy nit-picky aspects. Do I have new decals created. As you can see the ones on the ride are tattered like an american flag trying to make a statement. Or do I simply lay a layer of varnish or shellac or whatever wood-coatery would be used over the whole thing, decals and all and just try to preserve it, as is.

Personally I’m inclined to strip the old stickers off, have some new ones made. Try and match a varnish to the original color. Put it on thick and luxe-like, apply the new stickers, get a better rope, and come to terms with the reality that it will barely be an original.

But whatever really. It’s just fucking toys, right?

3nd
I pretty much traTIMEveled through the weekend, so I was stoked to find this image on my phone Monday morning:

Wintar is a-comin’

Thursday, September 8th, 2011

I hope everyone is getting geared up.