So, yeah summer is over. Winter is coming. Time to shift into shrad mode. But in case you’re lagging, here are 25 simple steps to close out your summer the right way, with 70 other people.

Step 1: Wake up late. Weigh your options and decide not to shower.
Step 2: Think to yourself,  “I can’t believe I have to pack the 3L shell for today. Weather. Wisconsin. Whatever.”
Step 3: Drive the Silver Spurt to the suburbs to pick up History Channel. Curse the suburbs the entire time. Remind him that the suburbs are garbage when he gets in the vehicle.
Step 4: Get coffee at Starbucks, because in the suburbs you’re only other option is Caribou Coffee, which is less like coffee and more like dessert in a cup. That crap is for single moms and Olive Garden diners. I don’t drink that. Specify to the dude at the GhostRide-thru, “3 ice cubes MFer.”
Step 5: Promptly spill coffee on yourself.
Step 6: Arrive at Miller Park. Make a joke to the parking lot attendant about today being “free day” because apparently you’re like 65. Let him respond, “Is anything free today?” Let History channel reply “Love,” like a damn hippie. 5 minutes later realize the correct response would have been, “Well I know it’s not free, but I heard a ride on your daughter is pretty cheap.” Consider leaving the lot just to drive in again and toss that line at the attendant.”
Step 7: Join the MODA3 crew under a tent and think about what a great day it is.

Step 8: Have breakfast of chips and guacamole.
Step 8.5: Take note of Keef Love in full winter garb—beanie, AK,  transceiver and backcountry pack loaded with approximately zero (0) drinks.
Step 9: Finish coffee.
Step 10: Make a mimosa.
Step 11: Be fucking blown away when you see N8ziller arrive in this shirt:

Step 12: Eat meat #1
Step 13: Spend the next 3 hours laughing at N8ziller and Why B because they’re wicked funny.

Step 14: Take note that Keef Love is now in a white v-neck tee. Beanie still on.
Step 14.5: Meat 2.0
Step 15: Get into the baseball game by the third inning and immediately lose History Channel.
Step 16: Show your thanks to Keylo, for organizing the whole day, by putting shit on his hat.

Step 17: Find out that Keef Love got some “Too-good-to-sit-with-the-plebians, fancy” seats. Sense he is changing clothes again. It’s like a disturbance in the force.
Step 17.5: Regret not showering
Step 18: Get bored watching the Brewers’ pitching give away another game and start building a smiley face of peanut shells on Ray’s back.

Step 19: Leave the game after the eighth inning because the Brewers have left you with only one thing to say, “At least we’re not the Cubs”
Step 20: Back to the parking lot and find out History Channel joined Keef Love in the fancy seats, but since he didn’t have a ticket he let Bluetooth sit on his lap. Or maybe he sat on hers. Not sure on that one, but the main thing to note here: Bluetooth.

Step 20.5 Keef costume change #4
Step 21: Meat #3
Step 22: Meat #4
Step 23: Serve a hot dog to a lady from Alaska. Almost get run over by her.
Step 23.5: Get the shake down from Jake.
Step 24: “Oh, What up Dip Lips”
Step 24.5: Now Keef isn’t even wearing a shirt.
Step 25: Finally find out how to “Dougie.”

Winter is coming.

Round 1

Your Milwaukee Brewers

1. What Brewers player recently made news when he was held up at gunpoint in Milwaukee?
2. After completing a sweep of the Pirates yesterday, by how many games do the Brewers trail the Cincinnati Reds in the NL Central?
3. Who is the winningest manager in Brewers history in terms of total games won?
4. Who is the winningest manager in Brewers history in terms of winning percentage?
5. In 1980, the Brewers became the first team since the 1948-49 Red Sox to have back-to-back seasons of three hitters with at least 100 RBI. Name the men who did this for Milwaukee.

Round 2

They Might Be Giants

6.The name “They Might Be Giants” is derived from what novel, in which the main character mistakes windmills for evil giants?
7. In 2002 TMBG won a grammy for their song The Boss of Me which was the theme song to what TV show?
8. Which of the following in not a TMBG album Here Come the ABCs, Here Come the 123s, Flood, or The Statue Got Me High?
9. The TMBG song Istanbul (Not Constantinople) is set to the tune of what Irving Berlin classic?
10. At one point TMBG recorded songs into what household device and encouraged fans to Dial-a-Song to hear their latest works

Round 3

Ancient Conquerors

11. Venn Diagram
12. What word meaning “conqueror” in Spanish and Portuguese, was applied widely to soldiers, explorers, and adventurers who brought much of the Americas under the control of Spain in the 15th to 19th century?
13. Who first used the title “Tsar of all Russia?”
14. Venn Diagram
15. What Mongolian conqueror was the first to conquer all of China and became a legend in Europe after welcoming Marco Polo?

Round 4

Know Your Memes

16. From where was David returning when he popularized the question “Is this real life?”
17. The following images from icanhascheezburger.com are all examples of what internet meme?
18. If you’ve just been “Rick Rolled” what song are you listening to?
19. A variant of the Advice Dog meme, the following images represent what meme that challenges readers with deep, existential, Paleolithic questions?
20. Who sang Chocolate Rain?

Round 5

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

21. Who portrayed Judge Doom?
22. Whose murder forms the basis of the plot of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
23. What is the name of Bob Hoskins’ character?
24. What is the name of the club where Jessica Rabbit performs?
25. What song does the singing sword perform when Bob Hoskins’ character pulls it from its box

Round 6

WTF

26. Visual Question
27. Visual Question
28. Visual Question
29. Visual Question
30. Visual Question

Round 7

Fictional Beasts

31. What is the name of Paul Bunyan’s blue ox?
32. What creature, whose name means “goat sucker” has been allegedly attacking livestock throughout Latin America since first reported in Puerto Rico in 1995?

33. What creature, featuring the head of a bull on the body of a man, guarded the Cretan labyrinth?
34. What mythic beast of Lycia had the body and head of a male lion, another head of a goat, and a tail that ended in a snake’s head?
35. When inserted into the ear, this fictional creature’s nutrition processes converts sound waves into brain waves, neatly crossing the language divide between any species you should happen to meet whilst travelling in space.

Round 8

Shakespeare

36. Where was Romeo and Juliet set?
37. What Shakespeare work features the characters Lysander, Hermia and Puck?
38. At the age of 18 Billy Shakespeare married who?
39. Who is the goddess of witchcraft and leader of the Three Witches in Shakespeare’s Macbeth?
40. What Lost star played Mercutio in Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 Romeo and Juliet?

Round 9

Wild Card

41. What Major Leaguer recently became the 47th to hit 400 home runs?
42. Who wrote the stories The Body, Rita Hayworth and The Shawshank Redemption and The Running Man?
43. How many wild cards (including Wild Draw Four) are there in a standard Uno deck?
44. What can you deduce from the following statements: A) All babies are illogical B) Nobody who is despised who can manage a crocodile C) Illogical persons are despised
45. What was the fictional name of the Vermont inn that was featured in the TV sitcom Newhart?

Round 10

Current Events

46. What series won the 2010 Emmy Award for Best Drama?
47. Intel recently said it would buy what security software company for $7.7 billion?
48. What former President was recently involved in the freeing of the American, Aijalon Mahli Gomes, from North Korea?
49. Though he normally rarely leaves North Korea, Kim Jong Il recently made his second trip in four months to what country?
50. Chippy D recently starred in the porno film Phatty’s Rhymes and Dimes 14 with Brian Pumper. Who is Chippy D’s father?

Round 11

Constitutional Amendments

51. Which amendment to the US Constitution ends in the phrase “shall not be infringed?”
52. How many amendments make up the Bill of Rights?
53. 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, or 1990s: in what decade was the last amendment to the Constitution passed?
54. The seventeenth amendment establishes the direct election by the people of what office?
55. According to the 22nd amendment, what is the maximum amount of years a person is allowed to serve as President of the United States?

Round 12

Duets

56. And nobody told us
Cause nobody showed us
And now it’s up to us baby
I Think we can make it
So don’t misunderstand me
You put the light in my life
Oh you put the sparks to the flame
I’ve got your heart in my sights

57. Michael, We’re Not Going To Fight About This, Okay
Paul, I Think I Told You, I’m A Lover Not A Fighter
I’ve Heard It All Before, Michael
She Told Me That I’m Her Forever Lover, You Know, Don’t You Remember
Well, After Loving Me, She Said She Couldn’t Love Another

58. My mother will start to worry
Beautiful, what’s your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor
Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I’d better scurry
Beautiful, please don’t hurry
Well maybe just a half a drink more
Put some music on while I pour

59. But that won’t happen to us, and we got no doubt
Too deep in love, and we got no way out
and the message is clear, this could be the year for the real thing

No more will you cry
baby i will hurt you never

we start and end as one
in love forever
We can ride it together, uh huh
Makin’ love with each other, uh huh

60. Some hang on to used to be
Live there life looking behind

All we have is here and now
All our lives out there to find

The road is long and there are mountains in my way
But we climb the stairs everyday

Certainly you understand I am no stranger to the superfluousness, but sometimes we as a species just go to far.

por ejemplo:

FRAMES -snowboarding shortfilm teaser from Flatlight Films on Vimeo.

We DO NOT need a slower snowboarding video. What we need is a shrad flick that can keep me awake for more than seven minutes.

Then again maybe this is in a whole different class of videos, and needs to be enjoyed for the simple fact that high-speed cameras make it look pretty cool.  It’ll be like when Audi got kicked out of rally racing.

Or better yet they should market it as “The Snowboardingest Slow Movie Ever!” because really, the high-speed cameras are the star of this show. And I don’t think anyone can take the crown of “Slowest” from Standard Films.

Just looking at their website put me to sleep. This post was supposed to go up yesterday, but I was comatose.

Some other things I would like to do in life, just to say I did it:

• Whaling.
• Conquer Mario 2
• Own a megaphone
• Prepare a Thai meal that doesn’t turn out garbage barged.
• Aubrey Plaza
• Marijuana topiaries of classic scenes from Richard Donner films

In Other News

Illegalnadian Broder

Twas Good.

WORBA was out there setting up for a race. So I got to rip trough their course for a while and get passed by dudes who were way faster than me. Whatever. Jocks.

In proper form, I didn’t get any photos. But I should mention that from the top of Crystal Methridge (which I’m pretty sure is an old garbage dump) you can see all the way to the bottom. Whoa.

Sunday I rode the small section of the river trails that is worth riding. If you try to do the whole loop you’re most likely spending more time carrying your bike over fallen trees. The best kind—too high to jump over, too low to slip under.

The floods ruined this trail. Trees down, trails washed away, garbage all over the place. and constant slop. I don’t mind a bit of mud, but at this point, I’m just looking for a dried out dusty trail. Plus, somehow the flood didn’t wash away the busted glass on the trials. I honestly believe there are 120 years of busted glass on some parts of the trails. I’m positive in 1900 kids would go down there and smash shit because Miller and Pabst were paying them $.01 for each busted bottle. It was there recycling program.

Fuck even 2000 years ago teenagers would go down there and bust up clay pots.

Now I bike over it all, and hope my tires survive.

Flood Damage:

The extent of the Milwaukee downhill circuit:

Apart from bikes I think we need to pass judgment on this track:

And don’t forget to get your asses to Schlitz Trivia at the Red Dot tonight.

Following that logic I jumped into a Bikram Yoger class.

Now, I should let you know that I’ve spent a fair amount of time doing yoger,  I’ve done hippie sweat lodges and I’ve spent time in South Carolina. I know yoga and I know gross heat, and I’m Einsteining when I say they do not belong together.  At least not in the setting I experienced.

Maybe I’m too partial to Iyengar Yoga, but I thought part of the deal was to keep the body aligned and learn the postures. If you’re not Asana ready, you use props to find the right path to the position and you work towards it over time. Not in Caitlyn’s sweatshop class. She was spewing commands that students do whatever it takes to get into the position She wasn’t giving a fuck about keeping shoulders and hips on a plane. “Make it hurt” seemed to be the theme of the class. Madness.

I’ll go back to my not hip yoga and work on better posture and headstands.

I’m not sure if people really understand how much you sweat in this class. In 90 minutes my sweat-wickery  shorts and shirt were soaked, as was my bandanner, as was the towel I had laying over my yoger mat, as was any exposed part of my yoger mat. And I’m not saying these items were damp, these things were ring-fucking-outtable.

And when you’re that sweaty and everyone around you is that sweaty there are two things you don’t want to be touching

• Strangers
• Carpet

And Bikram offers you both of these.

Lastly, just because you stand in front of a class and spout commands doesn’t mean you’re a yogi.

Also girl in front of me in class, shave your armpits. This isn’t the early 90s anymore.

Ren & Stimpy

1. 1989, 1990, or 1991: In what year did Ren and Stimpy debut on Nickelodeon?|1991
2. What is Ren’s last name? Hoek
3. According to Dr. Stupid, what is that ugly lump of fat in your pork & beans? The Queen Bean
4. In the episode featuring Ren’s cousin Sven, what game does Ren attempt to destroy by urinating on it? Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence
5. Stinky Wizzleteats, who sings “Happy Happy Joy Joy”, is a parody of what real-life singer? Burl Ives

Food

6. What is the main ingredient in most forms of kimchi? Cabbage
7. What grain is coursely ground to form the basis of grits? Corn/Maize/Hominy
8. According to a 1997 Harris Poll, what is the most popular cuisine in the United States? Eyetalian
9. Soba is a thin Japanese noodle made from what kind of flour? Buckwheat
10. What is the name for the a dish made by setting savory ingredients in meat jelly made from stock or consomme? Aspic

Wild Card

11. What kid’s show character was best known for the phrase “Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho?” Jambi the Genie
12. In what New England town can you still find The Old North Bridge and The Old Manse, as well as the Alcott and Thoreau Schools? Concord, Mass
13. What brand of automobile did Ford produce from 1985-89 as an attempt to sell an entry-level, European, luxury car in the North American market? Merkur
14. What was veteran Detroit police officer Alexander James Murphy known as after he was murdered in the line of duty? Robocop
15. The Ren and Stimpy Show was the third of the original “Nicktoons”, all of which debuted on the same day. Name the other two original Nicktoons. Doug and Rugrats

Airport Codes

16. What airport has the call letters MDW? Chicago Midway
17. What airport has the call letters LGA? LaGuardia
18. What airport has the call letters LHR? London Heathrow
19. What airport has the call letters PDX? Portland
20. What airport has the call letters YYC? Calgary Int’l

WTF?

21. Visual House of the Seven Gables
22. Visual Ariel photo of the Red Dot
23. Visual Bunker Hill Monument
24. Visual I can’t remember
25. Visual I can’t remember

Sea-Going Vessels

26. Oasis of the Sea is the largest of what kind of ship currently in service? Cruise
27. What US Naval Destroyer was attacked on October 12, 2000 while harbored in the Port of Aden? USS Cole
28. According to the International Sail Training Association, to be classified as a Class A Tall Ship the vessel must be 40, 45 or 50 meters in length overall (which excludes bowsprit and aftspar) 40
29. What is the US Navy’s oldest floating commissioned vessel, nicknamed Old Ironsides? USS Constitution
30. Although it was never fully submerged and was lost sometime after it’s successful attack, what confederate vessel is considered the the first combat submarine to sink an enemy ship? H.L. Hunley

Space-Going Vessels

31. Colonel Kernal Sandurz is in charge of what space going vessel? Spaceball 1
32. Before 2002, Who was known to command Slave 1? Boba Fett
33. Who was the primary captain of the NCC 1701-D? Jean-Luc Picard
34. What movie featured the the commercial towing ship, Nostromo? Alien
35. Michael J. Smith died piloting what spacecraft? The Challenger

Dead or Alive

36. Rick Moranis: Dead or Alive? Alive
37. Bradley Nowell: Dead or Alive? Dead
38. Tony Bennett: Alive or Dead Alive
39. Fab Morvan: Dead or Alive Alive
40. Bill Waterson: Dead or Alive? Alive

Current Events

41. What former Major Leaguer was indicted on Thursday on charges of perjury and making false statements to Congress during his 2008 testimony? Clemens
|42. After the 4th Stryker Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division left last Thursday, how many US combat brigades are left in Iraq? Zero
43. France recently began expelling members of what ethnic group, primarily from Romania and Bulgaria, enticing some with free flights home and about $385? Gypsies
44. Canadian police recently found a pot farm in British Columbia guarded by thirteen of what animal? Black Bears
45. What celebrity did McAfee recently declare the most dangerous to search for online? Cameron Diaz

Seinfeld

46. In what 1989 movie did Michael Richards play the character Stanley Spadowski? UHF
47.Who provided the voice of George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld? Larry David
48. What catalog did Elaine write for? J Peterman
49. In the “Bubble Boy” episode of Seinfeld, George gets into a fight with the title character over a Trivial Pursuit answer. what misprinted answer was George defending? The Moops
50. The actress who played Jerry’s mother, Liz Sheridan, played Mrs. Ochmonek in what other NBC sitcom? Alf

Lord of the Rings, or just NERDS!

51. Name all three books in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Fellowship of the Ring, The Tow Towers, Return of the King
52. Visual Question Sean Austin
53. What LOTR race was supposedly inspired by the Oxford Rugby Club? Orcs
54. The 2003 film Return of the King set a record for the largest sweep of Oscars, winning every category in which it was nominated. 9, 10, 11, or 12 – how many Oscars did it win? Eleven
55. Visual Urak Hai

Name that Tune

56. Audio Young Folks–Peter Bjorn and John
57. Audio Something I can’t remember
58. Audio Mad World–Tears for Fears
59. Audio Radio Free Europe–REM
60. Audio Bop Gun–Parliament

“Did you hear about this indoor mountain biking course they are opening in Milwaukee?”

Whatever bro. Whatthefuckever. I was tempted to tell him about a few simple things you need to know in life:

• Virginia is for lovers.
• Work from the outer-most fork in.
• There ain’t no party like a west coast party.
• Soylent Green is people.
• Mountain bikes are for outside.

Then this morning Keylo drops this bomb on me:

I guess I was too wrapped up in things like trivia and trying to get Laura Hadar’s phone number, and this one just slipped right by me. But you know, never late then never.

And at least now I have this thing to play with  when the joint opens up:

And please don’t comment on the toe clips. Thems is gone.

Big thanks to EDK for the handstand hand modelingmanship

Ren & Stimpy

1. 1989, 1990, or 1991: In what year did Ren and Stimpy debut on Nickelodeon?|
2. What is Ren’s last name?
3. According to Dr. Stupid, what is that ugly lump of fat in your pork & beans?
4. In the episode featuring Ren’s cousin Sven, what game does Ren attempt to destroy by urinating on it?
5. Stinky Wizzleteats, who sings “Happy Happy Joy Joy”, is a parody of what real-life singer?

Food

6. What is the main ingredient in most forms of kimchi?
7. What grain is coursely ground to form the basis of grits?
8. According to a 1997 Harris Poll, what is the most popular cuisine in the United States?
9. Soba is a thin Japanese noodle made from what kind of flour?
10. What is the name for the a dish made by setting savory ingredients in meat jelly made from stock or consomme?

Wild Card

11. What kid’s show character was best known for the phrase “Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho?”
12. In what New England town can you still find The Old North Bridge and The Old Manse, as well as the Alcott and Thoreau Schools?
13. What brand of automobile did Ford produce from 1985-89 as an attempt to sell an entry-level, European, luxury car in the North American market?
14. What was veteran Detroit police officer Alexander James Murphy known as after he was murdered in the line of duty?
15. The Ren and Stimpy Show was the third of the original “Nicktoons”, all of which debuted on the same day. Name the other two original Nicktoons.

Airport Codes

16. What airport has the call letters MDW?
17. What airport has the call letters LGA?
18. What airport has the call letters LHR?
19. What airport has the call letters PDX?
20. What airport has the call letters YYC?

WTF?

21. Visual
22. Visual
23. Visual
24. Visual
25. Visual

Sea-Going Vessels

26. Oasis of the Sea is the largest of what kind of ship currently in service?
27. What US Naval Destroyer was attacked on October 12, 2000 while harbored in the Port of Aden?
28. According to the International Sail Training Association, to be classified as a Class A Tall Ship the vessel must be 40, 45 or 50 meters in length overall (which excludes bowsprit and aftspar)
29. What is the US Navy’s oldest floating commissioned vessel, nicknamed Old Ironsides?
30. Although it was never fully submerged and was lost sometime after it’s successful attack, what confederate vessel is considered the the first combat submarine to sink an enemy ship?

Space-Going Vessels

31. Colonel Kernal Sandurz is in charge of what space going vessel?
32. Before 2002, Who was known to command Slave 1?
33. Who was the primary captain of the NCC 1701-D?
34. What movie featured the the commercial towing ship, Nostromo?
35. Michael J. Smith died piloting what spacecraft?

Dead or Alive

36. Rick Moranis: Dead or Alive?
37. Bradley Nowell: Dead or Alive?
38. Tony Bennett: Alive or Dead
39. Fab Morvan: Dead or Alive
40. Bill Waterson: Dead or Alive?

Current Events

41. What former Major Leaguer was indicted on Thursday on charges of perjury and making false statements to Congress during his 2008 testimony?
|42. After the 4th Stryker Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division left last Thursday, how many US combat brigades are left in Iraq?
43. France recently began expelling members of what ethnic group, primarily from Romania and Bulgaria, enticing some with free flights home and about $385?
44. Canadian police recently found a pot farm in British Columbia guarded by thirteen of what animal?
45. What celebrity did McAfee recently declare the most dangerous to search for online?

Seinfeld

46. In what 1989 movie did Michael Richards play the character Stanley Spadowski?
47.Who provided the voice of George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld?
48. What catalog did Elaine write for?
49. In the “Bubble Boy” episode of Seinfeld, George gets into a fight with the title character over a Trivial Pursuit answer. what misprinted answer was George defending?|
50. The actress who played Jerry’s mother, Liz Sheridan, played Mrs. Ochmonek in what other NBC sitcom?

Lord of the Rings, or just NERDS!

51. Name all three books in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
52. Visual Question
53. What LOTR race was supposedly inspired by the Oxford Rugby Club?
54. The 2003 film Return of the King set a record for the largest sweep of Oscars, winning every category in which it was nominated. 9, 10, 11, or 12 – how many Oscars did it win?
55. Visual

Name that Tune

56. Audio
57. Audio
58. Audio
59. Audio
60. Audio

Dior Homme will continue to be the suit of choice until further notice.

Yeezy hath decreed.

Not a big deal, but I heard JV fucking ran his ass in some ball.

“Your ball, Yeez.”

That shit has me laughing.

Apparently some dude already built a KML or KLM or lufthansa or whatever page for it and you can see it here: Harley Woods Trail.

Later we were cleaning off the rigs and talking about how lame the suburbs are, he told me he was expected to weed the flowerbed in from of his house. I told him to hire some Canadiens to do that work.

Apart from that, I went to Ghicago and my growing-up friend LB made sure we all have fancy drinks.  It was great. She ever made sure we didn’t have to wait in line. She’s tip top. She also makes art that makes me think of Katamari Demachi.