2012-29: Tahoe Time Machine episode 2

March 23rd, 2012

After three hours of sleep I was kicked awake  by Jonaten, who due to knee surgery wasn’t even going to to be riding. “You’re probably going to want to ride Heavenly today. They’re claiming over three feetz, so you can count on two feet of the goods. You’re probably going to want to give me that PBR shirt as well”

No one else in the house except for El Poco Lollo seemed to notice how cold it was. This is clearly one of the dangers shacking up with EnZedeez. Shivering and yawning I slipped into all my gear and discovered that no one in this house drinks coffee. Savages.

Eventually we made it over the California side of Heavenly and started to rip some powder. It was fun to be back into knee and thigh deep snow. I laid down enough slashes for all of my people. Compliments of Turbo Keef I was pushing the 2013 Burton Cheetah.

Mini Cheetah review: I like riding this more than the Fish. It was fun even on the groomers. Through the trees it was quick and reliable. I was on the 159 and it felt stable. It was fun. I even flew off a cat track directly on to a rock, which tossed me directly into a tree well. That only took me a couple of minutes to get out of its death grip.

Bear attack slashes aren't too bad considering I landed on a rock.

There were still good pockets to be found, even by noon. I didn’t take any pics of those, because if you come upon a nice powder field you’re first thought should not be, “I need to take a pic of this.” I did take some pics of tracked out areas though.

By 1:00pm I was fried. My brain was exhausted, my legs were tired and we all decided to call it a morning and a good warm up. We made our way down the mountain, to the Trav-erse and onto Jalisocs. I had a California burrito with pastor. It was delish. I also feasted my eyes on this:

I like to imagine that is a likeness of is me and Laura Hadar. What strong arms she has.

Part Two:
Enough of this amateur snowboarding, let’s get real.

I’m digging this video because it has 1) Jess, who is so damn good; 2) Desiree who is consistently banging; and 3) Marie Hucal, who is so ridiculously awesome on and off the snow. Back this shit.

Part three:
Stoked on this getting re-released:

Con/A Sewer/Cat by chigliakrecords

Get after it here.

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2012-28: The Tahoe Time Machine Episode 1

March 22nd, 2012

Assume for a minute that it is roughly 7pm last Friday, March 16, 2012. You have just landed at San Francisco International Airport. The third member of your party is supposed to land at 7:30. Then you find out that she just took off from the east coast. See you at 11pm, LV.

SF was in a downpour. There were no more planes landing for a while. So my compadre, El Poco Lollo, and I hit the rental car shop. We ended up with a Chevy Traverse (pronounced Trav-erse, not Tra-verse). This is a vehicle I have some experience with, albeit in it’s GMC, nicer counterpart, the Acadia. We hopped in and went on the hunt for some sour diesel.

This was SF, right? There had to be some MFers looking to dump some on us. We started our hunt at The Fiddler Green. We thought this with be good place to go because they were showing basketball games while serving food and drink. We tried to ask our waitress for a hookup but she was speaking with a (possibly fake) Irish accent. El Poco Lollo said it sounded as if she had rocks in her mouth. It just made me sick.

Eventually we left sour diesel-less. Luckily, the rain had stopped and I was forced to ask myself why we were still in SF. We had a serious drive to South Lake ahead of us. I think El Poco Lollo was frustrated we were still in SF and not at the Benny Gold store.

I can’t really blame him.

So finally at 11 we retrieved LV at took off for Souf Lake. We made good time up through Vallejo and into Sac, but not long after that everything went bad. As soon as we got to elevation there was snow and chain controlled roads. For the next three hours it was 25mph and sloppy. LV was blasting at me for running the tweets whilst driving through a snowy mountain pass. Like I can’t multitask? I really can’t, I never once remembered to put the Traverse in park. The last couple hours of the drive was just white knuckles and anger.

At 4:30 in the morning we finally arrived in New Zealand, where they apparently don’t have things like heat. LV kept going off about how weird it was that in EnZed they don’t keep their eggs refrigerated. It’s a pretty basic premise: when your house is like 38 degrees most of the time, you really don’t need a refrigador. We all bundled up and fell asleep, only to be woken up 3 hours later to news that there was 2+ of new snow at Heavenly.

We got motivated and eventually made it out the door. This when I discovered that Jonaten drives this beast:

Check it again. That thing has a snorkel. Fuck everything else. Snorkels, bro, snorkels. Do you even know how many rivers and lakes and swamps and wet things I would drive through if the silver spurt had a snorkel. Plus, it’s sound system is amazering.

I guess this is a good option when your neighbors keep trying to steal your other, newer  truck.

Then it was off to Heavenly we went, but I’ll tell you about that soon enough.

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2012-27: A Few Quick Mind Benders

March 14th, 2012

Breakfast:


Lunch:

Might I suggest the gnocchi.

Dinner:

Dessert:

Supergoodthingmaker

Posted in Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign, snowboardering | 1 Comment »

2012-26: No Irish Need Apply

March 13th, 2012

Brekky:
Lets pretend for a minute that you are going to do something other than shots of crap whisky and drink shamrock shakes until you puke for St. Patrick’s Day. Can we do that? Can we all stop pretending that we’re mega-Irish for the day? You wanna dig deep and claim some shit? Well dig this, Momma vR has got some Irishness. Probably claiming Country Cork or Wexford or some crap too. But she’s also got some Austrian and English and German and Cherokee and French Canadian and Bengali in her bloodstream. Shit, the Irish portion just sullies a proper melting pot. And I mean I’ve read Joyce. Fuck it. College was basically me plagiarizing The Dubliners. I’ve listened to the Pogues, I fairly like them. But I also like the Klezmatics and pretty much any ethnic music.

This is the time of year when I start hating the flamboyantly Irish as much as the republicans hate women.

Dear St. Patrick’s Day, fuck your green Bud Lights and temporary shamrock tattoos and Irish Pubs and dudes in kilts and your Cahills Porter Cheddar and all that. And please stop saying “Cheers” as rather than thank you. I hate you so much.

Here’s a better plan. Squeeze a few hours out of your day and do some snowboardy shit. This is what the dudes in Wausau are throwing down this weekend:

Knowing what little I do of Central, I can only assume this will be a 100% radder contest. So, if you’re in the area, go to it. Do some tricks, or just watch. Then get our drinks on. But please don’t do it under the guise of Irishness. Do it because you want to get a little drunk with a lot of friends and maybe this year Mil-One will take her shirt off and show everyone her boobs.

beeteedubs: What’s the story with that Capita typeface?

Lunch:
I’m pretty sure guys should not be using tumblr. Women just do it way better. Prove me wrong.

DinDin:
This is worth backing:
Fuck the FIS

Taco Bell® Make a Run For The Border presents: FOURTH MEAL!
Not a wholly bad hair day.

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Posted in A Very Special Rumorator, Akshin sports, religion, snowboardering | 1 Comment »

2012-25: Bloggers Medley

March 12th, 2012

Breakfast:

Full fucking weekender at Tyrone’s Basement. Let’s break it down by the numbers:

• 2 minute park laps
• 300 vertical feet
• 5 minute chair rides
• 62 degrees
• 144 ounces of PBR
• 9/10 on the Frank-Wolf Ball Sweat Scale

After two days of hard jumping into slush, my body hates me. But this is just training before I get to Tahoe for a five-day snow orgy. I gotta be honest, I wasn’t feeling a need to carry the Cheetah out there. But now I’m reconsidering. I can’t be riding a 157 park deck in the steep and deeps at Kirkwood. Shit. Now I’m carrying 3 boards out there. Why is this anything to complain about?

I should also mention that I spent the weekend riding the Parkitect:

This thing is fun and I could ride it switch. What more do you need? I guess I could say that it also had some mad pop and kept me landing like a feline. The 157 felt just right, and frankly I can’t wait to get back out on this thing. Was it better than my Mr. Nice Guy? I think it might be.
Whatever, Hooner also talked about this deck in a little more depth. Read what his mouth says here.

Lunch:
Complex is fucking worthless. Today their lead article is about the 50 best slogan tee shirts ever. Check this:

Lahnk

Essentially they have compiled “50 movie quotes people say” or “50 reasons you should watch Two and a Half Men.”

But wait there’s more.

It was just last July, that the same publication told you these slogan tee shirt were the 39st worst thing that ever happened to men’s fashion. BOOM 7 months later, they’re endorsing ‘em. 11/10 on the Frank-Wolf Hackosity scale.

Milk Break:
I know men’s snowboarding is supposed to be so much cooler to watch, but I can’t even count their spins anymore. And for the most part, watching snowboarding on TV has a 90% chance of being 100% boring. On the other hand, I think this mamajamma has like 3 tons of style riding with her.

You see the way she’s down on those landings? Dragon ass. Then just bang-bang back up. I’ll watch her ride snowboards all day.

Dinner:
This iFone ad is stupid.

Lets examine:
1. 14-years olds with iFones are fucking bitches, all of them. People who use Siri and aren’t driving are idiots.
2. If you have to ask were a music store is, give up. True musicians can just feel where the shops are. I cannot sense this, that is why I am not a musician. I’m just going to assume RockGod went to Guitar Center.
3. You need to know how to play something? Maybe while you were at the music store you could have picked up a couple of playbooks. I bet Siri forgot to mention that, didn’t she. You brainless twit.
4. Migraine Headache is a shitty band name. But probably perfect for a band that gave up on Zeplin and went to covering The Clash. Get a really name like Prodrome or even just Migraine. See that, shorter names with similar subject matter and way more aggressive. Toughen up, dude.
5. Siri, please tell Julie and Kate, this band isn’t playing at “THE garage.” The band is playing at “A garage, “HIS garage,” or better yet “HIS PARENTS’ garage,” tonight.
6. Way to play with you back to your audience, asshole. You’re no Miles Davis. You’re also no Rock n’ roll fun.
7. RockGod? With an ego like that I have a feeling Julie and Kate are going to be really unimpressed when you send them a few dick pics. If you wanna be a real rock god, shoot yourself in the face.

Steve Jobs must be so proud of his company.

Dessert:
Oh what? You want a dessert too, fatty?

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Posted in Advertising, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign, snowboardering | 2 Comments »

2012-24: US Open memories

March 9th, 2012

Une

The US Open of snowboarderism is happening this weekend. Well, most of it is happening as I type and you read, but the finals will be this weekend. I don’t even know who we’re supposed to be cheering for. Are we supposed to be cheering for anyone? Or do we just stand on the side of the pipe and discuss Nidecker’s business plan for board sales in North America.

The first time I attended the US Open was in 2000. The last time I attended the US Open was in 2000. I was too inexperienced to really get on the party train. Plus I had just driven down from Burlington for the day. I had never been. I was just told that I should certainly go. Stratton was fucking way too weird for me. I swear to christ I saw a dude in a tuxedo, on stilts, juggling. I was shook. By that point in my life I had seen some shit,  but I wasn’t ready for Stratton. My mouth was dry. I had a spot of blood on my jacket that had fallen from my nose. My ears were ringing.

I stood on the edge of the halfpipe and watched shit go down. It’s hard for me to say who my idols were at that time. Obviously Terje. Jeffy. Peter Line. It was a weird time in snowboarding and it was a weird time for me. I had just finished living in the south. My exposure to snowboarding was minimal during that time. 2 days of riding the previous winter and limited access to shred mags. I owned a Forum. I bought it at the B-side from a dude named A-dog who I would occasionally see at dancehall reggae jams at RJs. I wish I could say these were made-up facts.

Anyway, I snapped pics with a point and shoot loaded with film. I got these pics of Brushie.

They aren’t good pics by any means, and A-man is going to tell me to show the lip,  but they are the raddest to me. I also have a pic I love of some dude just tweaked on his Dragon (second time in 7 days I have referenced that board). Terje was there. Poaching. Daniel Franck, definitely a super ripper at the thyme, sharing the name, just blasting in my face like an adult film star, that was rad.  One of the Teter brothers was on a monster board, like a Canyon 169, and he was going way over everybody’s heads. But he was strait airing, and as Louie Vito and Shawn White have shown us, it’s all about twinkle toes.

But snowboarding was different then. Ross Powers won and did so in a polo shirt. RLXXX. At some point I picked up the autograph of some broad named Leslie Olson. I don’t remember what she did, but she felt a need to tell a young Rumorator to  “Dream big.” She wrote this rather large too. I can only assume this was to drive home the message.

It was weird. It was awesome. I don’t know that I will ever go back.

The following year my name also appeared in Eastern Edge magazine.

Deux

I’ve decided I’m cheering for Kazu Kokubo. Mctwist. Chicken wing.

and Kjersti Buaas, but that is because she fucking rips shit and is scandonavianly attractive.

On a sarcastic note: I really hope Kelly Clark and Jamie Anderson and Chaz Guldemond win. The Terry Richardsons of snowboarding.

Trois

Can someone please explain this too me:

500,000 people can’t be wrong! Also, she makes me feel okay about my dancing.

Le bois

Sorry about that last part. Get yourself corrected:

_El-P_-_The_Full_Retard

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Posted in Akshin sports, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign | 2 Comments »

2012-23: What to do This Weekend

March 8th, 2012

I assume most of us wont be at the US Open. So might I suggest this instead.

Slushy park laps and serious ball sweat. Be there. Bring beers.

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2012-22: Weekeded Adventures

March 5th, 2012

1rd

Considering I was headed to the town that is in pretty much the dead center of Wisconsin, I wasn’t expecting much.

Wausau has too thick of an adipose zone that is that Badger State to be influenced by Chicago or Minneapolis. Even Madison and Milwaukee seem too far away to be connected to this town. I don’t even know if there is an airport around here.

Wausau is also the gateway to the Northern Wisconsin, “The Northwoods” as it’s called by those who try to sell it as vacationland to people in the suburbs of Chicago, or as they like to call it “Chicagoland.” But for those who aren’t going to the Northern Wisconsin to vacation. Wausau is the jump-off. The kind of place you get a few bags of rice, a few pelts, a canoe or the Carhartt jacket for the wildness that lies beyond. The people of this community are a kind and gentle people, but they are realist. They will wish you well and pat your back before they watch you head north. But by the time you’re out of sight, they’ve already finished grieving for the loss of you.

I’ll be happy to go on and on about Northern Wisconsin, but don’t want to bother you with that here.

However, this visit to Wausau was  wicked. The first thing we did was head to Central Boardshop to meet up with shop owner/runner/everything dude Kurth. It’s pretty legit shop he’s got going on—clean, well-organized, good gears and a solid crew of locals hanging about. We caught dinner with him and a couple of his shop riders (for real, he’s got shop teams for skate and shreddery.) and then flipped it into a few drinks. Those drinks turned into shots and darts and bad dancing all around. But whatever, even the lackluster DJ couldn’t stop the crew. Those dudes know how to cut loose on the edge of civilization.

If you’re ever in that area, check out Central. They’ll probably have whatever you need.

2st

The next day we were up at Granite Peak early. Working with fancy-pants, 2013 gears. People kept asking for stickers. I just deferred them to Keef and Jay. Not my job, not my problem. Ya dig? After a while we rode snowboards, and I rode this thing:

Definitely not the ideal conditions or location for such a board, but it was wicked fun. It put a smile on my face.

I also have this in my possession for the time being: I still need to use it:

Pretty stoked.

3th

I want to be in the middle of this picture:

Mostly because they’re in Germany.

4nd

Only 11 more days until the Tahoe adventure begins.

Peace out, Fuck-os.

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Posted in Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign, snowboardering | 1 Comment »

2012-21: White Snow Black Metal

March 2nd, 2012

1rd

As I do so often lately, I found myself talking about black metal with GooseFeather yesterday. We were sharing a chat-sesh and watching Satyricon videos. From there, we began discussing the bandmember Frost, which is a supa-metal metal name.

Then we started creating our own metal names. I guess he wants to been known professionally as Goosepocalypse, which is legit. I have my 2012 metal names reduced down to:
• Death Strider
• RealFakeBlood
• Abort! Abort! Abort!
• Octopodes
• Lacerator
• Rick Santorum
• Flesh Bellows
• Draeg Scotter
• Milk Money
• Bloodangel
• Mulch
• Ligature
• Unending Closure
• Doyen Specula
• Mustelidae Martes Martes
• When I was Six I Had a Pet Goat Who Spoke To Me and Taught Me the Ways of The Ancient Ones And Told Me To Gut Him and Use His Entrails as a Scarf Because the Coming Winter Was to be The Coldest the Earth Has Ever SEEEEEEEEEEEEEN, or just Six Goat Scarf for short.

Vote early and vote often on this one.

2th
I’m trying so hard to not acquire tee shirts lately. But it’s tough when this gets released:

And big thanks to jhamlett for ordering this for me.

Which brings me to the next item. How do I pronounce jhamlett? If I’m going to reference the dude, I should know how to say his name. So, do I call him Jam-let, or is it Jaamlet? I like the second option, because it sounds like Omelet. Also, this pronunciation and the spelling of his name give him a slight Indian (subcontinent, not first people) tweak.

Makes him more mysterious. Like “Fuck dude, if there is anything I have learned from pop culture, it’s that the Punjabi are not to fucked with.”

3st
Perpendicular recumbent rickshaw shitshow

4nd

Bike pants!
I want the Levi’s commuter pants because I love communting or something. Don’t believe me? Check out Rhys Hastings bloggery.

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Posted in Bike!, Listed, Madison Anti-Boredom Campaign | 2 Comments »

2012-20: Lisptrack #10

February 29th, 2012

Lisptrack #10 2-29-12 by Rumorator

In which we discuss Spirithoods, the review thereof, bloggerfreinds and audiobloggermamas and something about snowboards.  Also, I’m pretty sure I played myself off in this one.

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Posted in Podcast, snowboardering | 2 Comments »

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