Posts Tagged ‘Aesop Rock’

2012-67: Fuck, I need to Dump GoDaddy

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

Before we get started, you should cruise on over to MarijuanaDeathSquads.com and get Tamper. Disable. Destroy. For free. It’ll be downloaded by the time you get down reading this crap. It’s good. I promise. I’m not always a liar.

Reader: Rumorator, What the fuck you been up to?

Rumorator: Housework, word work, staring at my green beans being a total pussy.

Reader: Fucking LAAAME. Imma go read the entries over on Fried Rats.

For real though, let’s talk about some shit. Let’s talk about the fact I now own a ladder, and have done things like “cleaned rain gutters” and “removed fence posts.” Shit, it was just the other day I said to my boss, “Boss, I think I’m done spending the big money for a while.” Then he laughed and laughed.

I’m also looking at having two mega-trees removed because I think they’re dying. And because they’re evergreens. Evergreens are the trashy broads of the tree game. They’re easy to get your hands on, they don’t really let anything else grow up around them, they’re constantly dropping needles, and once a year we invite them into our homes, dress them up and toss them out after the family has left. HEY-O. Jokes.

You know who is way better at telling jokes? Kyle Kinane. That dude was in Madison telling jokes and killing crowds all weekend. I guess he sold out every show he did, so that’s fucking rad for him. He also had fellow bearded man, Dave Stone with him. He was a very funny man as well. And I apologize for not remembering the MC’s name (Edit: Jessie Baltes), but he was really good, though he only had a moustache.

There was an outside chance of bikesterism with Kinane this weekend, but it wasn’t meant to be. Nonetheless, I rode bikes solo. I guess you could say I’m a lone wolf. A tiger, stalking through Siberian woods. I am the sperm whale of weekend biking—out there solo, large, white, head full of spermaceti, just wrecking shit when I breach—mmmmmmrrrrrrrrmmmmmmSPLASH.

I was riding at Cam-rock, A place I had been avoiding because I was afraid it was more xc-ski trails than bike trails. But I was way wrong. It’s only 8 miles of trails, but it’s certainly enough to keep you busy for a couple hours. Tons of places to get the bike off the ground, if only for a few feets, and then there’s some of this shit:

C’mon señor? You’re really just going put that there and be all like “DO IT.” Fuck it, I had to do a couple walkovers.

Fair warning: Cam-Rock is in GlassedEye country. Trust no one.

You ready to time travel?

Last weekend, I decided to take the fixer out for a spin. I was gonna pop off an easy 14 miles and had my turn around point set up. The thing is, I fucking hate out and back routes. So I got to my turn around point and decided to run the full lake loop. 23 miles lets do it. Who needs water?

Not the smartest thing I have every done. The Lake Mendota lake loop is so poorly marked, it’s under construction, and for part of it, it’s mega-cluttered by University students.

It was miserable.

I think we need to go back, even further in time:

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Fuck it. Just walk.

2012-30: Tahoe Time Machine Episode 3

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012

Somehow I managed to catch up on a little sleep on St. Patrick’s Day. This is surprising not because El Poco Lollo and I went out and tore up the scene in South Lake, but because we thought it would be a good idea to put off sleep for as long as possible. It was cool though. We got to hang with a couple of our Kiwi-house hosts, Tom and Tamara and USAer Jonaten. We also drank a whole bunch of PBRs talked shit, literally, for hours.

Sunday, we went back to Heavenly, but stayed on the Nevada side. I’m unsure how much snow fell overnight but the winds were blowing hard, giving us a ton of new deep spots to hit. I dumped the Cheetah for the Mr. Nice Guy. I’m glad I did too. The Cheetah kinda became a set of handcuffs after awhile. All I wanted to do was jump off shit. Besides, one of our guides Austin (not a Kiwi) had been ripping the entire time on a 147 Artifact. And he slowed down a total of zero times. Just burners, nonstop.

Speaking of burners, we were still sour diesel-less. But the one of Austin’s cohorts stepped up and was asked who wanted to make some pot smoking happen. He then proceed to pull out a full sized pipe and light it up. Now typically dudes are rolling with onies or little pocket pipes. Something convenient and won’t get in the way too much. Not this dude. He was essentially toting a centerpiece in his coat.

He then proceeded to blow our minds by loading this thing, about as inconspicuously as someone loading a shotgun in a shopping mall, and fired it up in the craziest winds ever. It was just pack, pack, snap, lit, burrrrnnnn. Directly in front of a lodge full of families eating their bread bowl chilies. That dude was a super hero.

The downside of the situation was being lifted and having to navigate flat light to grey–out conditions. I actually had to rely on some of the skills I’ve picked up in over the past 20 years. Easy-peasy.

So we slashed the rest of the day away and Lisa even fell in one time. Typical kiwi maneuver.

Day 2 was a success.

Fast-forward:
How badly do we want this, NOW:

2012-16: Remixxers

Friday, February 10th, 2012

1th:
I knew him back in the day.

That’s pretty much how I’m gonna have to talk about flawsyfiles now. Well not really back in the day, but definitely for a year-ish. A-man swept the e-nets shredit world by storm a couple days ago. This is way better that the slow motion video of the BCA airbag saving life.

If you somehow haven’t seen his video yet, watch it:

Scarier And Also Cherrier from a man on Vimeo.

Seriously, somebody give this dude a job making these edits all day.

2rd:
This is a video that more people need to watch:

3st:
Mega-performance weekend. Tonight, I’m going to see Demetri Martin say things that should make me laugh. Tomorrow, I’m off to see to Kill A Mocking Bird and eat dinner with the fam. Sunday it’s time to ride with Keef and hopefully Moefaniel. I’ll do some tricks or something.

4nd:
As a whole, Madison needs to get it’s trivia game in order.

So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish.

Friday, May 20th, 2011

Well it’s rapture day weekend folks. Or so says some lunatic who decoded the bible. Frankly, I’m not buying it until we see a mass exodus of Dolphins.

What? You think that’s ridiculous?

Consider it, dear reader, you may choose to follow the bible. I choose to follow The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy.

Who are you going to trust:

It seems to me that James is onto something.

Anyway, it’s just different books.

As for the Book of Mormon; well there are some reasons fan fiction is not always recognized by Lucasfilms LTD.

Moving On

Saw this in the hood the other day.

That shit street legal. T-tops. Blacked out rims. Full-sized 80s antenna. Sheeeeeit. STREET LEGAL. I sent this pic to Prof. Diehl and here was his reply

Dear Rumorator,
That aint no ’77. That aint no 6.6l, modded, bored and floored to put out 235bhp. You aint bringing back the banquet beer with that thing. You’d be better off putting a KITT steering wheel in it and hoping for some shine from the germans. Take your ass home.

Yours in christ,
Prof. Diehl

ps. You left your mattress here when you moved out, asshole.

So apparently that whip isn’t so rad.

Part trace: Art Critique

I also found this while slinking around the neighborhood.

This is the basis of a really great piece here. But what it’s lacking is the force, aggression, or ominous feeling of a true graffito. First off, I would drop the “too.” It softensit and makes it seem like the artist is pleading with the oppressors. We are not pleading because they are not listening. At this point we need to be threatening. The next thing I would do is change “it’s” to This is.” Beef up the language a bit. Get some cajones. Look ‘em in the eye and say “So this is it? We’re gonna pull ‘em out and measure ‘em now?” And be ready to flop it out. But it’s a great start by the artist

Sidenote: Start saving your bottles and bricks.

Quads: Must not sleep. Must warn others.

Tonight I’m going to see Aesop Rock In Madison. I’ve been waiting for ten long years to see this show. Since the original Who Killed the Robots tour in ought one. Get with it.

I’ll catch you bitches on the flip side of rapture, when the only ladies left will be the sleazies. There will be fornicating in streets! I also have full intentions of looting up a new dirt jumper.