Posts Tagged ‘Apple crap’

2012-46: Celebrity Endorsements

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

Welcome back. Now we’re going talk about advertising. We’re going to cover two commercials. One I like, and another I find ridiculous and annoying. Let’s get to the goods first.

Ad #1

Here we have two things I typically don’t care for. American cars and Shaqnosis. And while this commercial hasn’t changed my mind about Buicks, I do think Shaq is a little bit more entertaining now. Break it down, this commercial starts off with the unexpected. “Shaq, size authority.” Not a certified title, but obvious and kinda out of step with the Buick persona. Then of course there is the usual car ad blah blah blah spoken by Shaq rather than the car-porn voice over guy. Then Shaq is in the car and essentially lays down some shit on all the Priustopedes and other hybridia.

Dang! Did you feel that? TOM SERVO. Shake hasn’t handed down that much dominance since Kazaam! (What up, Hattie!)
The ad could have ended right there and been 100% , but whatever the creative ends there, so fuck it. It’s a sensible ad and should grab the attention of a lot of people who probably have never noticed Buick before.

Ad #2

Watch this:

Okay, so there are only a few possible times when the question, “Is that rain?” makes sense:
• If you are a child who has lived a life sheltered from rain. Never having experienced precipitation, and only having heard the word “rain.”
• If you live in the desert. But if that’s the case, you tend to ask with a different inflection, “Is that…rain?”
• If you just woke up.

Let’s rule out the obvious. Zooey D has not lived a life sheltered from rain. Even though a quick image search couldn’t come up with a pic of her in the rain, I’m going to stand by thisassumption. To rule out the second option I draw your attention to the flowers and greenery outside of the window as well as the forecast projected on her iFone. She is not in a desert.

So maybe it’s morning. Fuck, it has to be. ZD is still wearing pajamas. This makes sense now, right?

Wrong? I want to order some tomato soup. Tomato soup for breakfast? I mean it’s morning and you’re in your pajamas and you’re gonna scarf some Tomato soup? Unlikely, mama. Mornings

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are for waffles or puffins or toast and free range, antibiotic and hormone free eggs. Tomato soup? You don’t want to take in that much sodium early in the morning. You trying to get bloated? You wanna live in those pajama pants forever? Is that what you want, Mama? NaCl?

But her excuse is that she doesn’t want to put on real shoes? I guess imaginary ones are totally fine.

If I were walking down the street and someone said, “Oh hey, there’s Zooey Deschanel.” I would think, ‘Damn, I want to see this.” However if somebody said “Hey there’s Zooey Deschanel, putting on imaginary shoes,” I would think, “Of course she is. She’s quirky. Oh hey, there’s Bagger Vance.” I should also admit this is Madison and public quirkiness hardly even phazers-to-stuns me anymore.

Up next ZD opts to put off cleaning her house. Let’s assume she slept late. Maybe it’s 10:30 in the morning. And she is already putting things off. At least pretend you are going to take care of it until like 6pm. Then you can put it off. The ante meridiem ambition lack is not a good look. With zero drive, how are you going to quirk it out.

Lastly, dancing to Shake Rattle and Roll. That’s the forwarding thinking, Apple ingenuity we’ve come to respect. Whatever it’s still better than the Rock God ad.

If you add up all the elements of this commercial, you might start to think ZD is kind of an apathetic person. Compare this to Samuel Jackson’s iphone ad. His makes sense. His is about getting some ass, and hers is about being a shitless layabout.

2012-25: Bloggers Medley

Monday, March 12th, 2012

Breakfast:

Full fucking weekender at Tyrone’s Basement. Let’s break it down by the numbers:

• 2 minute tadalafil nas?l etki eder park laps
• 300 vertical feet
• 5 minute chair rides
• 62 degrees
• 144 ounces of PBR
• 9/10 on the Frank-Wolf Ball Sweat Scale

After two days of hard jumping into slush, my body hates me. But this is just training before I get to Tahoe for a five-day snow orgy. I gotta be honest, I wasn’t feeling a need to carry the Cheetah out there. But now I’m reconsidering. I can’t be riding a 157 park deck in the steep and deeps at Kirkwood. Shit. Now I’m carrying 3 boards out there. Why is this anything to complain about?

I should also mention that I spent the weekend riding the Parkitect:

This thing is fun and I could ride it switch. What more do you need? I guess I could say that it also had some mad pop and kept me landing like a feline. The 157 felt just right, and frankly I can’t wait to get back out on this thing. Was it better than my Mr. Nice Guy? I think it might be.
Whatever, Hooner also talked about this deck in a little more depth. Read what his mouth says here.

Lunch:
Complex is fucking worthless. Today their lead article is about the 50 best slogan tee shirts ever. Check this:

Lahnk

Essentially they have compiled “50 movie quotes people say” or “50 reasons you should watch Two and a Half Men.”

But wait there’s more.

It was just last July, that the same publication told you these slogan pharmacy online tee shirt were the 39st worst thing that ever happened to men’s fashion. BOOM 7 months later, they’re endorsing ‘em. 11/10 on the Frank-Wolf Hackosity scale.

Milk Break:
I know men’s snowboarding is supposed to be so much cooler to watch, but I can’t even count their spins anymore. And for the most part, watching snowboarding on TV has a 90% chance of being 100% boring. On the other hand, I think this mamajamma has like 3 tons of style riding with her.

You see the way she’s down on those landings? Dragon ass. Then just bang-bang back up. I’ll watch her ride snowboards all day.

Dinner:
This iFone ad is stupid.

Lets examine:
1. 14-years olds with iFones are fucking bitches, cialis ads 2012 all of them. People who use Siri and aren’t driving are idiots.
2. If you have to ask were a music store is, give up. True musicians can just feel where the shops are. I cannot sense this, that is why I am not a musician. I’m just going to assume RockGod went to Guitar cheap viagra online Center.
3. You need to know how to play something? Maybe while you were at the music store you could have picked up a couple of playbooks. I bet Siri forgot to mention that, didn’t she. You brainless twit.
4. Migraine Headache is a shitty band name. america online pharmacy But probably perfect for a band that gave up on Zeplin and went to covering The Clash. Get a really name like Prodrome or even just Migraine. See that, shorter names with similar subject matter and way more aggressive. Toughen up, dude.
5. Siri, please tell Julie and Kate, this band isn’t playing at “THE garage.” The band is playing at “A garage, “HIS garage,” or better yet “HIS PARENTS’ garage,” tonight.
6. Way to play with you back to your audience, asshole. You’re no Miles Davis. You’re also no Rock n’ roll fun.
7. RockGod? With an ego like that I have a feeling Julie and Kate are going to be really unimpressed when you send them a few dick pics. If you wanna be a real rock god, shoot yourself in the face.

Steve Jobs must be so proud of his company.

Dessert:

Oh what? You want a dessert too, fatty?

WTFriday

Friday, October 7th, 2011

Beginning:

Murakami was robbed. I’m calling preferential Scanner treatments. Dynamite prize could have gone to the man who gave us this:

Instead we get this this dude:

Segway:

You see online pharmacy cialis how that worked:

So yeah, Steve Jobs. Johnny Apple himself. Tough break for sure. The guy totally knew how to cialis generic uk market the fuck outta something. But let’s not forget how exclusive and proprietary Apple has been. And the measure of the man is something to be discussed. Billy Gates drops millions of dollars all around the world trying to solve problems and is still a nerd-monster. Johnny Apple, cuts all philanthropic giving by Apple, pretty much redefined planned obsolescence, and gets treated as a online pharmacy overnight delivery god.

Did he do a lot to make computers easier to use? Yes. Did his company dominate the media-delivery landscape over the past decade? Yes. But he was a capitalist, that was his goal.

People keep saying that he will go down in the books next to Ford and Edison. But, please remember that Henry Ford pretty much found his workers expendable and Edison was a patent thief.

Shayve’s Honestly box: I’m typing this on viagra pill a Mac at my office. My home is run by a MacBook, MacBook Pro, a Mac Mini and a G tower. I prefer the Mac Platform. They are great computers. Jobs had some sildenafil online amazing insight. In the end he has given me nothing, but he has sold me a lot of things.

Wrap it up:

This year’s snowboardering costume:

Consuming!

Wishy-washy Wednesday

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

While Apple was introducing their MacBook Air .5, I was living in the past and thinking about how crappy EDGE service was. Then it dawned on me that pretty much every thing labeled “Edge” has sucked. Proof:

Meanwhile I’m pretty stoked on the wifi version of the Air.5. Reason being that I can’t get service for shit in my local Whole Foods, but they do offer wifi throughout the joint. This will allow me to check porno whilst grocery shopping. OOOOO summer squash!

But in more important news,

I can’t wait to spill a few hundred at this joint:

Asymbol Gallery

The doxycycline hyclate 100mg “For Jamil” print, that brings back some shit you know.

Speaking of which, Jamil Khan Day is coming up.