Posts Tagged ‘Bon Iver’

2012-79: The Print Version of a Rube Goldberg

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

We’re just getting right into it today. First and foremost, we need to address the Red Bull Kluge video.

I’m a fan of a proper Rube Goldberg machine. In college I developed a system with three bowling pins, an empty egg carton, a novelty handgun cigarette lighter, the complete works of Bil Keane, a bust of Chelsea Clinton, 100 Mage Knight figurines, a Dvorak keyboard, an ant farm, glow-in-the-dark plastic fangs, table tennis balls, a poster of Dilated Peoples and about 600 feet of duct tape to make sure I never got laid. It worked wonderfully.

Even though I suspect this machine is still working, you really wouldn’t want to see it in action. It was rather boring. There was never the aspect of “OOOO…is it gonna work?” There was no tension. No wow factor.

And that’s exactly what Red Bull has done here. The problem isn’t that there is no point, it’s a fucking kluge after all. The issue is that it’s all so predictable. “Oh you have some minor element of a Rube Goldberg then some car dude drives in circles. I hope he does it right.” The whole thing is uninspired AND it’s really fucking long.

I’d rank this production tedious out of four stars.

Now go check out a couple Goldbergs with soul:

I was standing in the shower today, thinking about how I once heard The Steve Miller Band referred to as the poor man’s Eagles. Like The Eagles need a poor man’s version. It’s not that the Steve Miller Band was any better or worse, both are pretty fucking horrible. But The Eagles’ music isn’t what I associate with the upper crust. For real, Hotel California and then like god knows how the fuck many albums of that weird, seventies, pop-country fusion crap. Do you know effect that music can have on a youth forced to listen to classic rock radio stations all summer? Those harmonies, those simple song structures, it’s no wonder my taste in porno tends to have a little swerve to it.

I also have a strange memory of those old fat dudes being picked to play the super bowl halftime show and my boss soaking his trousers with excitement. He also said something about making Jell-O shots and a vodka watermelon.

Let’s set the record straight on this: The best version of Hotel

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California is the Spanish language version used in The Big Lebowski, which was not performed by The Eagles. Also, can you imagine how shitty a poor man’s Aerosmith would be? Fuck. Wal-Mart would be selling compact discs by the truckload.

Can’t help but think about how rad this whole thing is:

Those girls skate better than I do.

You seen these Keep/Bon Eyever collab shoes?

For some reason, I’m kinda considering a pair of these for the office. I think it might be the Brushie-esque fishbone thing happening on the toe. Maybe it’s the fact that some of the proceeds go to help abandoned and abused animals. But I think it’s because these things are guaranteed to be comfy as fuckall. Seriously, look at Justin Verbon. That dude is not getting uncomfortable. Those shoes are the podalic equivalent of just a couple small pulls and then listening to Music for Airports. I’m kinda surprised they even have laces. I suspect Justin Iver doesn’t wear his with laces, and those black ones were an afterthought. Those laces are horb.

Where the fuck was old bossman gonna get a watermelon in the middle of winter in Wisconsin?

This exists:

Something to do with a Wisconsin based brand, ScissorBird. I don’t really know anything about them, but if I had this image on a shirt I would wear it every Saturday.

2012-72: Cuyuna Weekender

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

1rd: Musics

Before we get down to business, we should cover over this:

Nice to see Mike Noyes get the male and female lead in this one. Tyler Perry would be stoked on his skills. Or Eddie Murphy, or Martin Lawrence. Anyway, there is some ending of The Dark Crystal shit going on. But with fewer Skeksis.

2st: Wolves

We’re going to get to it soon enough, but I also want to address the fact right now, people in Wisconsin are legally hunting wolves. WTF does someone do with a wolf carcass? Not too many are eating that. I have no clue what to do with a dead wolf. Supposedly there is a wolf problem in Northern Wisconsin. Seems like we got that one backwards.

If you care to, please cruise over to this dude’s blog. Read up and dwell upon these animals being

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killed strictly for sport.

Part 3nd: Bikes

College cronies and I have been trying to make a bike trip happen all season. Finally, I pulled the trigger and set a date. No one else was able to go except for the Goose. That dude has heaps of free time because he has no house, no kids, no pets, his family was killed on an African safari gone bad, and he tells women he’s really not into labeling their situation so he has no qualms with kicking a lady out of bed to go ride bikes.

Judge the guy all you want, I was more than happy to have the company on this trip.

We were headed to Cuyuna Country State Recreational Area in Crosby, Minnesota. That place is way north. It was like a $100 trip in Gojira. And when you’re driving north from Minneapolis there are a few things you can count on seeing, like Arby’s restaurants, places selling ice houses (to sit in whilst fishing, not the beer), and lakes. There are also some things you never really think you’re going to see. That list could be pretty much endless, but one thing you need to take off is “a boat hitting a car.”

So this is how they do it up there.

Wrap your brain around whatever happened there.

We made it to Crosby and I have to be honest with you, they could

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use some more signage around the town. We had the Googs telling us we were within like 2000ft of where we wanted to be, but we couldn’t find it. We stopped at gas station to ask directions and the teenage girl behind the counter was all like “Oh I’ve heard of that place, but I’ve never been there.”

“Girl, it’s woods with trails through it, really fucking close to where you work. Where do you go to underage drink after curling matches or on your smoke breaks?”

Eventually we found the campground, set up the tent and got ready to ride bikes.

The connector trail runs right through the campground, which is amazingly convenient. We hopped on and in about 5 minutes found ourselves on paved trails. Fuck this. We ended up riding that paved trail for 4 miles, cursing the entire time. I couldn’t believe I drove 8 hours for this shit. Then we found it a little trail, well hidden, that dipped off to the right. From that point on it was on. Super fast rolling trails along old mining pits, solid climbs and great down hills with turns and berms and fun shit on the way down. Not that it’s important but I also found the iron-laden, red soil kind of cool.

We made it back to the campsite fully pleased with the choice to come here and ready for the Sunday rides. Goose and I are excellent outdoorsmen, so we at our dinner of thai curried tofu and brussel sprouts strait outta the Whole Foods deli containers. For anyone wondering how the 3+ months of vegan is treating me, I also ate apples, bananas and cashews. I’m really feeling good about this life choice. We all gotta have one thing we’re feeling good about, right?

After food, we had drinks and more drinks and went to sleep. I awoke when daylight started filling the tent. I shuffled about in the sleeping bag to pull out my phone to check the temp. 38 degrees. Cold night to be in a tent. I look over at Goose, who has stripped down to boxers and a tee shirt and is sleeping with his arms across his chest for warmth. I should also mention he’d kicked his sleeping bag down by his feet and was directly on the floor of the tent.

As I’m looking at him thinking dude must be freezing, his sleeping body shivers. I’d never seen a sleeping person shiver before. It was funny. Being the good friend I am, I pushed his sleeping bag further away from him.

Sunday we headed back to where we found the goods an were ready to ride. Then we ran into some dude on a fat bike who was telling us about one of the local trails, Sand Hog being named an IMBA legitimized flow trail. Capital B bikes. He told us there were only four in the world. Then he proceeded to tell us to go elsewehere. Not in a surf nazi way, but more like, “Listen you need to go ride this other shit. Sand Hog is fun, but this section is the real deal.”

So we went over to ride the Yaakee zone and it was great. All the trails are loops so you take off and return to one parking lot on every trail. We found some good tech trails and a lot of great areas to just zip through. Plus, I almost hit a dog. He was just running feral on the trail. I came around a corner and he was coming at me. Complete disregard for the one-way signs. Almost took me off the bike.

There are a few pics floating about and I found a clip from the bobsled trail that doesn’t so it justice, but lets you know a little bit of what is up. But belieber me, it was rad. Gonna get a weekend set up for next year too. Maybe more than two of us will go.

This is a good sign to see

As you can gather from my front wheel this does not end well.

This video is over a year old. It’s still rad, just not as rad as it is today.

Dodging Rain Drops

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

Yo, Rumorator, have you been out biking lately.

Umm, nope. Um, nope. It’s raining like a beast around here. Trails closed all over the place. I keep thinking it will get better, but, umm, nope.

But I still have a bike. I ride it when the weather is agreeable.

And at least my bike doesn’t look like this:

Look at that thing. Skinny tires, no suspension, dual water bottle cages. Fuck that thing.

More on that bike later.

Moving on:

Did you see this?

OH! Look at that. We’ve got T-Hags front and center. Okay maybe not front and center, but he’s certainly got the male lead in this video.

That video is like a commercial for laundry detergent. So bright.

Plus we had JV showing up on NPR and the Colbert Report this week. Not a bad run for the kid.

What else?

You see this thing?

That’s full of worms and newspaper shreds.

Fucking at-home composting. Getting gritty.

This is our Wisconsin: Day 9

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

Day 9 Blog, Day 6 Pic

First off, I have to apologize to anyone who came to my blog expecting to read something about snowboards or bikes or something cooler—both of you are going to be bored out of you mind for the next few days. But some things are bigger than fucking around.

I am vehemently pro-labor, pro-choice, pro-freedom from religion, pro-peace, pro-equal rights and equal opportunities, and pro-Wisconsin. I feel that if corporations cannot share the wealth, why should workers share the burden? I am progressive to the end.

The past week has been long. And while I haven’t been able to stand with our working brothers and sisters enough, I will do what I can from my computer to keep this issue top-of-mind and tell everyone I can “This fight is not over. This is what solidarity can look like.”

On the other hand, if you’ve come here to read my rants, you are in for some wild success!

Let’s Keep Going

We cannot let this issue die. We need to have hundred and thousands of people in action daily. If you aren’t out there walking, there are things you can be doing. Call your senators. Call any senator. If you are out of state and reading this, and you support protecting the rights and livelihood of state workers, please take a minute and do this:

Call Senator Mark Miller 608.266.9170
Tell him you support the workers and the Wisconsin 14, who have taken extreme measures to stall this bill.

Keep it civil. State your point and never back down. Always be asking the opposition whyit’s wrong for workers to prosper. We celebrate corporations when they have banner profit quarters, why not celebrate people same way. If the opposition claims workers are stealing their money. Remind them that if our country wasn’t pouring billions into the pockets of private contractors, and taking in less on account of tax breaks for the rich, we would have more than enough money to support all state employees. If the opposition complains about the amount the public sector earns, remind them that if they organize they can earn more as well. I can help you find an organizer. Please contact me: rvr (at) rumorator (dot) com

How We Can Win

This is going to be a prolonged fight. And eventually it will be time for more radical actions. If the teachers were to go on strike, they could shut down a majority of the state in days. Students would have to stay home. Parents would be burdened and possibly miss work. Offices would have more absences, there would be a severe, statewide, work slowdown. And frankly with that kind of environment Scott Walker and his crew aren’t going to be able to bring in any significant business. It seems that negotiations might a good option.

And what if we were to bring in the state workers. Snow not getting plowed, sewers not maintained, city processes halting. It wouldn’t take long before the general public would see the value of these employees.

I understand that this will put great financial stress on the families of many teachers and workers. But with the risk comes the reward. We must all fight together. We can keep this great state moving forward.

What We Need

Apart from commitment of workers, which we have, we need more national attention. Part of what makes Wisconsin great is that we keep moving along and barely anyone notices. However, right now this is our biggest weakness. We need more people here. We need more attention. We need to be grabbing news coverage.

This story is about to be buried by the NZ earthquake and what is going in Libya. Those events are tragic and important, but we cannot let this get lost. We need to be a top news story on every station, we need to be on the front page of the BBC, we need let people know what is going on. And to do that we need support.

Where is the national Democratic party. Where are there speakers? BERNIE SANDERS WHERE ARE YOU? We have Jessie Jackson, and I am thankful for him but we need more. Where are the speakers. Where is the Screen Actors Guild? Why have you sent no one to come address out crowds. Throw us a celebrity bone

Jello Biafra, here is your fucking chance man. Get out of SF or wherever you are, get yourself over here, get the punks involved. I want to see Mohawks, walking with teachers and police officers, hand in hand because we need this. Make a difference again.

We’ve got some musicians there. Wayne Kraemer and Tom Morello are here to stand up for what they’ve always believed in. I know Justin Vernon is heading down, why isn’t he bringing the band. Marijuana Deathsquads and Solid Gold, have you guys left already? Make some music, encourage the people. It seems Dropkick Murphys are going to show up soon. Which again gives them quite a bit of clout. They will be here, supporting the people who they so often sing about.

Lastly, where are the rappers? The people that helped hone my skills in spoting oppression and injustice.

El-P—Whose America? You said this to me a million time through speakers. At First Ave in the weeks following the 9-11 attacks, you maintained your progressive stance, and it was an inspiration to me. Why are you going to let me down now?

Mr. Lif—This is your chance to revisit I, Phantom and make an impact. Or you can be a shell

The Coup—Boots Riley, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT HERE? This is your scene. We are workers. Are we not your people?

Please come to Wisconsin. Help us spread the good word. Because the more people know about what is happening here. The more power we have to stop it.

Believe me, these cats aren’t reading this blog, but wouldn’t it be rad if this reached them? If we could connect with them? If they could connect us to others around the planet?

I encourage anyone who has something to say to stand up and say it. But if you can’t say it when it matters most, you can’t say anything at all.

Sounds like a gang to me

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Dior Homme will continue to be the suit of choice until further notice.

Yeezy hath decreed.

Not a big deal, but I heard JV fucking ran his ass in some ball.

“Your ball, Yeez.”

That shit has

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me laughing.