It’s go time!
If that’s not doing it for you, and you have an hour to kill, be sure to check this out.
I’m still trying to wrap my mind around what’s going on there but, I do know Aggro Cocky needs a Neff sponsorship.
Posts Tagged ‘Brewers’
Let’s Play Ball!
Thursday, March 31st, 2011Long Overdue
Monday, March 21st, 2011First things first:
Whistler is a mere 24 days away. And in even better news, it seems fellow bloggerman A-man will be joining me. I’m pretty stoked on this. I’m probably going piss in his bed at the hotel. You can pretty much count on our room to be going off every night until 8:30 or 9:00PM. I’m also going to recommend he gets a wrist brace, a la Corey Chrysler. It was that dude who always wore the wrist brace, right? Whatever. A-man is gonna be wearing on. We’re gonna make amazing old man shred videos and maybe some amazing movies about how good we are at blowing minds.
I’m also hoping to swing by the Origin Design offices and tell them they should probably give me a job as a writer. I think it would be in the best interest of everyone.
Part two:
Wrapped up the local winter season around here on Saturday, and that was a blast. Slip-slid some boxes and handrails and only fell a little bit. On the corrugated tube. Like always. Effe that black plastic bastard.
Year end gear end recap:
Capita Indoor Survival camber: It rode switch nicely, the topsheet still sucks for stickers. Definitely a great board.
Volcom Gigi Jacket: Yeppers. Super ugly. Super Tech. I like it all except the built-in hood visor was kind of bothersome.
Malavita Bindings: At no point this year did my feet hurt, nor did my board fall off. Success!
6- or 7-year old Rome Flask: Still Works!
Part 3:
I’m pretty sure this guy needs to have his windows and or nuts smashed:
Keylo must be fuming, looking at that picture.
Selling out his state like he’s the governor or some shit.
Part 4:
I’m in some sort of college basketball pool, and I guess I’m winning money. This is good for me, as I really can’t be bothered to fill out an entire bracket, or even care.
Por ejemplo: we were sitting at a bar the other night watching some game and I had to ask Jake which number was the score and which was the shot clock. I suspect he may have been lying to me.
600 is Cool aka Consecutive Executive Brewer Action
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
I’m about to double you up on some BaseBallBloggin, because Co-Host is the fucking salt of the earth and offered me some Brew Crew ticket action. Broder txtd me up about noonish and says he’s got some businessman seats, if I want to fill one of them.
“Hmmm,” I thought as I stared into the jar of mayonnaise, still sweating booze from the Brew Crew encounter the previous day, “It will be best if I attend this sporting event with you.”
Had I known what kind of evening it was going to be I would have brought a real camera, but I never really count on Brewer’s games being exciting anymore.
So evening comes around and I fire up the Silver Spurt, pick up co-host and should have immediately stopped for Chinese, parking lot food. Instead I found myself eating some crap sandwich from Health Code Violation Central in Walker’s Point. I’d never previously considered it, but I can now safely say I don’t care to have my food prepared or served to me by a 16-year old in a tube top (yes, a tube top), leggings, and Goosefeather’s flip-flops.
To each their own I guess. Also the “Secret Sauce” at that other sandwich place is just Italian dressing. Yup.
Then Silver Spurt got stuck behind a train. It was a long one too. With only one good piece of graffiti. It was two whole cars. And on the first car in small letters it said, “all you see is..” and then you know. Big, big, you know some block silver lettersthat said “..crime in the city’ right”
Actually it said, “impeach.”
We eventual landed in the Yount lot, drank our beers fast like college kids, and headed into the game. Macha got tossed, the Cardinals pitching coach got tossed, Dickerson (not Eric) got tossed, some dude in the stands got tossed by the ump. It was bizarro. Then At some point it dawned on Co-Host that the Cerveceros were prepping the game to bring Trevor “Heck’s Becks” Hoffman in for his 600th save. MF, this game just turned legendary.
Then it happened, top of the ninth and old 51 comes rolling out. Saves the game and his banner drops. 600. Rad.
I think it’s important to note that we got complimentary jewelry cleaning rags from Robert Hack diamonds. Word to the wise: Don’t buy diamonds from a dude named Robert Hack. Also never get your car worked on by Jamie Brakefailure.
PSA: If you’re interested in buying advertising space in Miller Park the space where that countdown to 600 was just opened up. Perhaps we’ll see a Rumorator.com logo up there next year.
After the game we celebrated, like proper gentlemen, in the parking lot.
Shut Your Summer Mouth
Tuesday, September 7th, 2010In case you missed it summer’s done. No more kicking it in the hammock, No more beach vollyball with girls in bikinis. No more going out dressed all in white and wearing flip-flops like a frat boy. I’m talking to you Goosefeather!
So, yeah summer is over. Winter is coming. Time to shift into shrad mode. But in case you’re lagging, here are 25 simple steps to close out your summer the right way, with 70 other people.
Step 1: Wake up late. Weigh your options and decide not to shower.
Step 2: Think to yourself, “I can’t believe I have to pack the 3L shell for today. Weather. Wisconsin. Whatever.”
Step 3: Drive the Silver Spurt to the suburbs to pick up History Channel. Curse the suburbs the entire time. Remind him that the suburbs are garbage when he gets in the vehicle.
Step 4: Get coffee at Starbucks, because in the suburbs you’re only other option is Caribou Coffee, which is less like coffee and more like dessert in a cup. That crap is for single moms and Olive Garden diners. I don’t drink that. Specify to the dude at the GhostRide-thru, “3 ice cubes MFer.”
Step 5: Promptly spill coffee on yourself.
Step 6: Arrive at Miller Park. Make a joke to the parking lot attendant about today being “free day” because apparently you’re like 65. Let him respond, “Is anything free today?” Let History channel reply “Love,” like a damn hippie. 5 minutes later realize the correct response would have been, “Well I know it’s not free, but I heard a ride on your daughter is pretty cheap.” Consider leaving the lot just to drive in again and toss that line at the attendant.”
Step 7: Join the MODA3 crew under a tent and think about what a great day it is.
Step 8: Have breakfast of chips and guacamole.
Step 8.5: Take note of Keef Love in full winter garb—beanie, AK, transceiver and backcountry pack loaded with approximately zero (0) drinks.
Step 9: Finish coffee.
Step 10: Make a mimosa.
Step 11: Be fucking blown away when you see N8ziller arrive in this shirt:
Step 12: Eat meat #1
Step 13: Spend the next 3 hours laughing at N8ziller and Why B because they’re wicked funny.
Step 14: Take note that Keef Love is now in a white v-neck tee. Beanie still on.
Step 14.5: Meat 2.0
Step 15: Get into the baseball game by the third inning and immediately lose History Channel.
Step 16: Show your thanks to Keylo, for organizing the whole day, by putting shit on his hat.
Step 17: Find out that Keef Love got some “Too-good-to-sit-with-the-plebians, fancy” seats. Sense he is changing clothes again. It’s like a disturbance in the force.
Step 17.5: Regret not showering
Step 18: Get bored watching the Brewers’ pitching give away another game and start building a smiley face of peanut shells on Ray’s back.
Step 19: Leave the game after the eighth inning because the Brewers have left you with only one thing to say, “At least we’re not the Cubs”
Step 20: Back to the parking lot and find out History Channel joined Keef Love in the fancy seats, but since he didn’t have a ticket he let Bluetooth sit on his lap. Or maybe he sat on hers. Not sure on that one, but the main thing to note here: Bluetooth.
Step 20.5 Keef costume change #4
Step 21: Meat #3
Step 22: Meat #4
Step 23: Serve a hot dog to a lady from Alaska. Almost get run over by her.
Step 23.5: Get the shake down from Jake.
Step 24: “Oh, What up Dip Lips”
Step 24.5: Now Keef isn’t even wearing a shirt.
Step 25: Finally find out how to “Dougie.”
Winter is coming.
‘merican Gothic
Tuesday, May 18th, 2010As I mentioned last Saturday, I was at my friend Travis-T’s bachelor party. It was a healthy show, except for the Brewers. They forgot to show up and of course dropped yet another home game this season. 6 runs and they still can’t win. And to think we dump on Cubs fans. No…wait…yup, Cubs are still the worst team in history.
But the game wasn’t the highlight. No no, the evenings pinnacle came when we found ourselves in Club Anything, which is Milwaukee’s premier goth and absinthe bar. I gotta say I’m about five degrees removed from the goth subculture. My steam-punking skills are for shit, and I’ve got no clue where they get those amazingly tall boots with buckles on them. So we was kind of out of place. por ejamplo: There was a mirror by the pool table—only we showed up in the reflection. The absinthe was fine and tasty and such but the beer selection was pretty week. Schlitz? nope. Coors Light? Nope. PBR? nope. Fuck off. I ended up drinking a High Life. In the world of beers, none is more black than Miller High Life. The champagne of beers. The menacing champagne of dreadful beers.
I figured by this time it was best that I start working the sleazies. But not the corsets and red velvet ones. I was leaving those for Goosefeather. I’m knee deep in grindcore broads.
Now if you ever find yourself in this position, here are a few pick-up lines that don’t work.
- You’ve probably never seen me around, I’m a day walker.
- You ever seen The Crow?
- Hey girls I saw you talking over here, and just to settle any disputes—No, I’m not a Kennedy.
- You know I just love waking up in he morning. Having a big bowl of oatmeal. Maybe an orange. Hmmmm.
- Well I’m black on the inside. And in my pants. The back of my pants. Actually it’s kind of brown. yeah it kind of smells like poop too.
Eventually I made it out of there. Afterwards we went to a few other places, but they weren’t nearly as rad.
Bonus: Double Down
I know this has already been handled by Poco. So why the fuck am I considering putting that thing in my face? Shit just got added to QCC 1 (which is coming soon, I promise).
Bonus 2:
The Things We Need to Cover
Tuesday, April 6th, 20101. Yesterday was opening day at Miller Park. Sadly the Brew Crew played some ugly baseball and dropped the game to the Cololame-o Rockies. But on a positive note Craig Counsell was in action (not much action) which gives hope of the Craig “Clutch” Counsell Posse making a appearance.
The day started out with FredyT telling me he and his lady were waiting outside, while I still had a toothbrush in my mouth. So I toss on my gameday cap, grab the shades and bust out. We meet up with the rest of the crew and immediately proceed to sit in traffic for over an hour as they slowly let people in to that parking lots. But once we got in, it was go time. Meats, beers, and picnic salads as far as the stomach could see. I also saw more shirtless people than I care to remember and 3 dudes with fauxhawks, which kind of made me feel bad for America. The Polish won the sausage race.
I was able to snap a couple photos with my smahtfone. Nothing major, just some shots that really captured the essence of the day. Please enjoy:
For all of you who don’t have parking lots at your ballpark this is what you are missing. A sea of chipper people grilling out and playing weird games with beanbags and whatever else they can toss back and forth.
Most people were wearing their opening day gear. Some poeple were wearing pajamas because the Lots opened up that early. In the case of this Brewers Fan it’s one and the same.
That mess right there is 100% delicious. Keylo and Poco manned the grills and made sure everyone ate with reckless abandon.
I didn’t even know you could get Corona Light in a can.
2. I just referenced Spirit Air as the Fung Wah of airlines. I think that was an insult to the Fung Wah. But the Fung Wah hasn’t been as exciting since they stopped letting women over 50 smoke on the bus and dropped the “standing room only” tickets.
Imagine it though–A Spirit Air plane just dropping in on some airport. The captain comes out and starts yelling at everyone to hurry and get off. The plane gets cleared and he’s back in the air, just out out reach of the TSA officers chasing the plane down the run way. That’s the way the the Fung was does a proper drop.
Also note that on the Fung Wah webpage you can reference “Frequently Asked Questions” as well as their “Top 10 questions.” That’s mega-reference-resourcefulness right there.