Posts Tagged ‘Burton Snowboards’

2012-76: All Saints Day

Friday, November 2nd, 2012

1th Saint

Jeremy Jones is up for the National Geographic Adventurer of the Year award. Can you imagine how stoked he is? I assume this is how the conversation went down:

Someone: Jeremy, you just got nominated for the Adventurer of the Year award.
Jeremy Jones: Frick yeah!

Personally, I’m pretty happy about this because shredmen and shredwomen have been pushing limits for quite sometime without much recognition for what they do. And who knows if JJ is going to take this award home, but at least he’s in the running. Snowboarding is finally on the map.

But, this isn’t about snowboarding in general. This is about the Jota-Jota. Maybe you don’t think he deserves it. I’m telling you he does, and here are ten reasons why:

• Snowboarders are always looking for some adventure.
• He’s been ripping since forever.
• Remember that photo in the Burton catalog, from the year they sold the board bag with a tent included. They set that shit up and camped out in a parking garage in downtown Burlington. I’m pretty sure JJ was in there. That’s fucking adventure.
• You know how hard it is to visit Minneapolis in the winter? Dude does it all the time and then rides handrails.
• You really gotta go deeper into urban environments to find proper rails. That’s why his movie was called Deepered.
• He invented Forum
• That one screw in the binding/varial looking bullshit: 100% adventure.
• Dude is into motorcycles. Motorcycles are actually more adventurous than snowboards. You didn’t know that? Clearly you’ve never seen Easy Rider or Top Gun.
• That board with the ‘Merican flag on the base. Bold move, just sending up a signal flare to the dudes who like snowboards, Nascar and meth.
• He hangs out with JP “Tha Advencha Don” Walker.
• Remember that time he went huge onto that rail? Fuck yeah, you do.

2rd Saint

You guys want to know what’s gross? Leather puffy coats.

The streetwear/menswear/whatever-the-fuck-their-call-themselves-now-wear companies propagating this shit needs to just stop. They have taken leather coats, which are fucking backwoods, and combined them with puffy coats, which are questionable at best for use on the daily. I’m pretty sure Analog tried this shit a few years ago. It was pointless then too.

You cannot take two turds, squeeze them together in your hands, and make something awesome. You just end up with a bigger turd and everyone thinks you’re kind of gross and won’t hang out with you. It’s like when Tha Don and Simon Chamberlin got together to make Jibberish. Those dudes poast up less then I do.

They totally spelled blaek wrong

3st Saint

Oddly enough, I’d still like to get my hands on one of the Penfield puffer vests. Bearmen should just send me one. I’ll review the fuck out it or something.

Ps. Starting a new blog: mildlydispleasedvestwearer.com

4nd Saint

REDACTED

2012-61 August and Everything After or LOL Counting Crows

Thursday, August 2nd, 2012

Hey guys, remember me? I used to write this blog. It used to be rad. It’s now tipping to the lame side. But lame is still game right?I’m still gonna drop the warm slop. I’m still gonna post up pics of your mom and draw in some dicks going into her mouth. I might even do that to your old man. Shit, I have no standards.

“Oh alright, Rumorator. Get on with it.”

Fine. It shall be gotten on with.

1th: Burton Snowboards is moving the US OPEN to Vail
There’s a lot of hubbub in the spectator community about this move. And it’s well founded. Watching the US Open with beer just got a lot more difficult and way more expensive. Remember the good old days of the open? When you could stand like 5 feet from the lip of the pipe and just rip through a twelver of Long Trail? You didn’t even have to buy a lift ticket. You stopped at gas station in Rutland and kept moving. The whole event would cost you about $30.

That kind of spectatorship is over. I guarantee to watch the event the event now, you’re going to be paying for a $100+ lift ticket and you’re going to get nowhere close to the lip. Plus, people are going to be drinking Fat Tire or Oskar Blues beers. That is the true cost of the Open moving to Vail: Shitty Colorado beers. A lot of people don’t speak openly about this, but there are only two good beers from Colorado: Left Hand’s Milk Stout and Coors. It’s not that Coors is really good, it’s just better than everything else from there.

This just fuels my love/hate relationship with the big B. For real. Shitty beers and crap viewing? This is not progression to the spectators.

I just wish they would come out and say, “Well, we’ve pretty much destroyed winter in New England. It’s probably not coming back, so we’re going to some place that still has a somewhat reliable snowfall. Buy more gear.”

2rd: On the Killing of It: Matt Barr
“Feel free to take a head in the sand approach. But if you do, you forgo the right to complain or ever become cynical about how the sport you love has been poisoned and how great it used to be in the good old days. Because essentially, by taking that stance, you are complicit in its demise”.

Okay so it’s not really a Matt Barr quote, but it’s still great and it’s still from an article he wrote. Get the whole thing right here.

3st: On the Blogger Front

A-man still kills.

Then there is this broad.

She essentially started and stopped a blog in one shot. She came out strong with that bird house piece that is goofed to fuckall. But then, dead air. What the fuck? Does she think she writes for rumorator.com? Hardly. This must have been how scientists felt the first time they cloned a human and Cloney took one breath, then turned purple and died.

Here’s what we know about LDJ: Another Seakklelite. Copywrongist. Dog Owner. Questionable choice in sunglazzles.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Bloggery isn’t for professionals. Leave it to us shitbags. We know how to make it work. Somewhat.

4nd: CONSUME!

Let’s go back to that part about people destroying winter in New England. Global warming and such. Anyway, it is with no sense of irony that I tell you I bought this:

I can go on and on about how private-use autos are probably not the biggest culprits of climate change, but that isn’t what’s important here. That Tacomer is what’s important. It’s so huge. Quite the change from the Silver Spurt.

Now, take a look at that pic again. You see that white thing behind the Tacomer. I bought too. Well, the bank bought that for me. So now I park my Tacomer in a garage.

The house has been a roller coaster. I was stoked when I saw it originally, then bought it and walked in after closing and had this tremendous sinking feeling of “Oh fuck, I just bought a hundred million headaches.” But once all the gear was moved in and things settled a bit, I felt way better. I even got back to being thrilled about it.

Funny thing about it is, I’m most excited about the spaces that are not technically the house. The garage is currently a mixture of radness and thrashed. Dude who owned the house previously was borderline mad scientist—IF ONE CAN BE A SCIENTIST OF AWESOME AND CABINETS.

For proof, lets take a tour of my garage:

From front to back: we’ve got bizzarro cabinet #1, stacked with my moving boxes. Then we have a bunch of random wood scraps, a couple holes in the wall, my fixer and some other shit that came with the house. Beyond that we have bizarro cabinet #2: SUPER BIZARRO. This one has lifts and drop downs and so many fucked up things going on. I have no clue what to do with it. Below it is a bunch of crap that was left over. Including a plastic slide, which will make more sense later. I was also left a grass cutting machine and a half-full gas can.

Moving on.

Notice bizarro cabinets #3, #4 and #5 along the top of the back wall and between the windows. Also, be sure to dig my track lighting. Then along the side wall, I’ve got super work bench with the metal grinder built-in, a metal press, drawers and shelves down below with those jacked up doors. We’ll consider this bizarro cabinet #6. Bizarro cabinet #7 is that entire space behind that the bench. It weird because I’m 6 feet tall and I can really only reach about 30 percent of the cabinets. Plus, none of them stay closed on their own so they all have differing homemade latching systems. And regarding that crack in the concrete slab, the home inspector said it probably happened 30 years ago, so it’s nothing significant to worry about. I have no clue what the plan was with the duct tape.

Keep moving

Bike and board bag zone.

In all reality the garage looks like shit. But I spent a few college summers hanging drywall. I’ve built a cabin or two. I was in Americorps. Rebuilding this place it going to take no time at all. Plus I can have Poppa vR and American Broder help out. It will be easy-peasy. Yeah right.

But how about the yard?

Fun fact about the yard: When the place was first viewed, Wisconsin was mid-drought. The lawn was all fucking dead. However, just after moving in the rains returned and now I have a yard full of dandelions and weeds. Pretty typical being it hasn’t been maintained in a year and a half. The good news about the yard is that Momma vR and Jose are all about getting back there and gardening the shit out of it. I’m fine with that. I’m totally giving it a Japanese garden feel.

Why a Japanese garden you ask. Well, I already have the koi pond:

I’ll probably eventually put water in this thing, but right now it’s empty and littered with a collapsed tarp, dead leaves, cigarette butts and a vodka bottle. I’ll probably have to redo that stone work, but again I handled way bigger stone projects in Acorps. I did stone work in this place. Trained by real deal stone masons. Not a professional, but I can reset a wall. I can score and snap a few rocks.

Here’s more yard. And yes that is a damned swing set. I’m considering putting it on craigslist. If you want it, you can have it. Make me an offer and come get it out of my yard.

You’ve probably noticed the dojo going on in some of these pics as well. It’s a pretty slick screened-in area off the garage. I’m unsure how to use it effectively, but I’ll figure that out. It’s pretty cool.

The inside of the house is slick as well. First thing to tackle is having the floors redone. Right now the choices are between the natural color:

Or having it blown out with some cherry:

In other news, I think I’m booked for the next 15 years.

Dude should be wearing a helmet

Friday, February 11th, 2011

I’m counting at least 125 points of awesome in this video. The funny thing is that if I didn’t know JD had passed (R.I.P. homey), I would have sworn this shit was released this year. Those costumes those shades. The old Burton Cruzer(?). Making Kanye look tired. Shit son.

ps. I stole this from liftopia’s facebook account, but i don’t think anyone actually pays attention to that, so iz cool.

Death Watch ’11

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

I’m claiming three things on Death Watch for 2011:

  • The new breakfast joint on Farwell
  • Omatic
  • and this dude

At least when they do eat him, it will most likely be in the dark so we won’t see it.

EDIT: night vision. STAY TUNED!

Part 2: Non Sequitarron

I nearly started to weep when I saw Danny Davis on board again.

Welcome back, senor.

Ancient Times

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

Loveland Pass

And this is how it was if you were from the midwest in the mid 90s. Everyone had Burton decks except that far out kid on the end. I still have that Rippey hanging out in my living room. For fun we had to make runs to Colorado. Man, you can even tell how flat Colorado is in that picture. But we were there to hit some jump called the Ironing Board, or some shit like that. Supposedly EVERYONE was hitting it. I’m guessing this was winter of 97-ish and we were 2-3 years late on it.

But let’s take in the finer points here:

  • Ralph Lauren Hat
  • Dub Jacket (so legit at the time)
  • sunglasses, not goggles
  • One dude rocking Airwalk boots.
  • On Thumbs up, one peace sign, one shaka, and Moefaniel has disabled hands on account of his mitts.

Soon after this photo was taken I snapped a binding strap, coming off a massive 3-ft air and tumbled, one foot still on the board for about 100 feet. So awesome.

Jussi vs. Rumorator: the cover up

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

You regular readers, you know how it was supposed to go down. Jussi was going to drop into town, there was going to be a lot of shit-talking and he was going to kick my ass in table tennis. Right? I know that’s what Chimichangasandsnow was saying. I know that’s what Brooke over at Yobeat was saying. Shit, even the Brit Babies over on Powderroom were talking about ‘mericans and their weakness on the tables.

You could say there was some pressure on me. It’s cool though, my game is tight under pressure. Sure I sweat a little more. My tourettes may step up to the next level . But I am 150% game-the-fuck-on. So I did some warming up. I had a table installed in the estate. I brought in Jan-Ove Waldner for some lessons. I thought he would be best because he has fewer travel restrictions, and if I was going to be taking on a Finn I thought a Swede would be an excellent mentor. I couldn’t come into this match playing sino-style. It had to be scanner 100%.

So game day comes I’m ready to play it. We’re in the shop. And I’m eyeballing Jussi. Letting him know his time has come. When suddenly BOOM! Out of know where Billy shows up. Apparently Billy works for Burton and he said to me, “Listen Bro, We’re all down for this game, but you gotta let Jussi win. We trust you understand the implications of this match. And in return for your ‘relaxed game play’ we’re willing to give you this sticker, a DVD copy of the Liftline.tv promo, and you can visit our website, www.burton.com, as many as eight times a week for the remainder of the year.”

Billy. Remember this face.

I was pushing for him to throw in a romantic dinner with Amanda W, who help set this whole thing up, but I couldn’t get it Billy to agree with it.

Game time. I came out playing soft. My usual routine: eating a couple McRibs and Double Downs with one hand while my amazing, fool-smoking paddle was smoking fools in my other hand. And I watched Jussi play a couple games— the dude seems okay. But he wasn’t ready. I knew the match was going to get ugly.

So I said “Jus-dog what do you say we play with our shoes. I noticed you’re rocking a fine pair of vulc soles and here I am in my NewBs, with their aggressive, athletic sole. This might just level the playing field a bit more.”

This agreement was agreed upon and the game was on. I tried to play loose, yet Billy kept snagging my attention and signaling for me to turn it down a notch. But I couldn’t. When you play table tennis at the level I do, you can’t just turn it down. I can’t just play at a “slightly above average” level. So I played. And I crushed Jussi.

This is pretty serious when you beat someone you’ve looked up for so long. It reminded me of the time in 2nd grade when I beat my father in arm wrestling. His paralyzed arm limp on the table. I think I heard his DTC01 voice synthesizer say, “I’m proud of you, son.”

Of course Billy was not happy about this. I thought he had gotten over it later in the night, after I tried to give him a Spanish waitress as a gift. But then he asked if he could see the video. I obliged and the dude made a move for the door, hopped in a cab and was gone. I got an email from him on Monday morning saying he was going to edit the film for me. And then this is the video I get back:

Jussi Oksanen Vs. Rumorator Von Rumorstein from MODA3 on Vimeo.

Now I’m not gonna say the video was selectively edited, but lets go over the facts here:

  • We don’t see Jussi score any points.
  • We do see jussi not clear the net one time.
  • I have much better style than Jussi.

Yet the score says 2-o in Jussi’s favor.

I’m not gonna say with was flipped and chopped by the magicians at Burton, but look again. Do you trust this face:

ps. Billy still owes me $30

Seriously, Where’s my table tennis video?

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Keef, come on bro. I’m dying over here. We played this match like 10 days ago. The people need to see the video. Love, RvR

For those of you would did come here expecting to see some Jussi action, I’ve gotta suggest watching Euro Gap 3. It’s a fine fucking film.
you can see the entire thing HERE

Or, if you need some extra motivation watch this trailer, which isn’t exactly 100% work safe:

The Eurogap teaser from Euro Gap on Vimeo.

The Jussi vs Rumorator precap #3

Friday, November 5th, 2010

Top Secret Jussi Training Video:

This does not bode well for the Finn. Tiring after a few seconds? certainly I will wear him down by soft-playing a few longer rallies.
Meanwhilst, Let’s take a look at my training regimen. I’m on this shit like P-90X and creatine:

New Line from a man on Vimeo.

You tell me who’s ready.

Jussi vs Rumorator Precap #2

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

The hype is growing around the Jussi vs Rumorator Table Tennis ’10 match of the friggin’ year. Saturday At SPiN Milwaukee. It will be huge.

I can only imagine that people are starting to place bets. Wagers are waged. It’s probably falling pretty heavily in my favor right now. I can understand that. But I think I really need to level the playing field, so I’ve compiled these stats:

Jussi Oksanen


Age: 31
Experience: Travels the world to snowboard. World Class Athlete.
Movie Parts: Optigrab, Afterbang, Follow Me Around, Bigga B videos, and countless other bangers.
Awards: 1998 Finnish Olympic team, 3 Air and Style Podiums, 4 Global Open Podiums, 4 World Snowboarding Championship Podiums. 3 X-games podiums.
Strengths: The dude is a professional athlete. Slays mountains, parks and everything else. Probably has amazing hand-eye coordination.
Weaknesses: He’s got a shaky knee.

Rumorator

Age: Fat
Experience: Went to Chicago once. Red Dot Trivia Host.
Movie parts: Un-credited extra in No God No Master (Unreleased).
Awards: 2nd Place Wisconsin Academic Decathlon–Economics.
Strengths: Rides a bike. Booze.
Weaknesses: Fear of Alligators.

Study up folks.

Sharks or Jets.

Jussi vs. Rumorator: Ready yourself

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

The match of the year is on. Rumorator vs. Jussi Oksanen. Table tennis. Ping pong to the lay MFers. Shit’s about to get raw. Official rules. Update your Facebook. Flash your twitter. Officially ruling. These games are going best of five, all the way to eleven.

I understand that some of you might not know who Jussi is. And I feel bad for you. Jussi is legend. He comes from the long line of snowboarders who make this silly little snowboarding things we do so rad. Plus the guy is all smiles. PLUS 2 The guy runs a water bottle company because he knows that plastics are stupid (por ejemplo: Ron Johnson). Sneak a peek at the visual aid:

Granted it’s not one of his company’s bottles, but the deuce hanging out there, that’s all Jussi. If you want to get a little more info him, check this out his blawg. That’s right. It’s Jussi Oksanen man, myth, legend and bloggerman. But everyone is a bloggerman/bloggermama these days so maybe you’d rather watch this pleasant little piece put out by Bigga B.

Luckily I’ve got the hometown advantage. I’ve got Keylo and Jake running the coaching staff. Mixing up jock-smoothies for me in the morning. Doing work-outs. 500 reps on the work-out machines. Deep tissue massages from Keef after hours. This is Sparta training.

I’m getting ready. Stretching, watching vids of of Jussi’s old matches, Picked up a new Butterfly 7275 Primorac Carbon fl. Getting ready to snap off a couple wins. I’m predicting Rumorator in four matches: 11-4, 11-6, 9-11, 11-0. You see how I toyed with him. Imma let him take match 3, then crush his dreams like he was a fat kid with a sympathy date on prom night.

Like I would know anything about that.

Anyway, Be There: SPiN Milwaukee Saturday Night