Before we get started, you should cruise on over to MarijuanaDeathSquads.com and get Tamper. Disable. Destroy. For free. It’ll be downloaded by the time you get down reading this crap. It’s good. I promise. I’m not always a liar.
Reader: Rumorator, What the fuck you been up to?
Rumorator: Housework, word work, staring at my green beans being a total pussy.
Reader: Fucking LAAAME. Imma go read the entries over on Fried Rats.
For real though, let’s talk about some shit. Let’s talk about the fact I now own a ladder, and have done things like “cleaned rain gutters” and “removed fence posts.” Shit, it was just the other day I said to my boss, “Boss, I think I’m done spending the big money for a while.” Then he laughed and laughed.
I’m also looking at having two mega-trees removed because I think they’re dying. And because they’re evergreens. Evergreens are the trashy broads of the tree game. They’re easy to get your hands on, they don’t really let anything else grow up around them, they’re constantly dropping needles, and once a year we invite them into our homes, dress them up and toss them out after the family has left. HEY-O. Jokes.
You know who is way better at telling jokes? Kyle Kinane. That dude was in Madison telling jokes and killing crowds all weekend. I guess he sold out every show he did, so that’s fucking rad for him. He also had fellow bearded man, Dave Stone with him. He was a very funny man as well. And I apologize for not remembering the MC’s name (Edit: Jessie Baltes), but he was really good, though he only had a moustache.
There was an outside chance of bikesterism with Kinane this weekend, but it wasn’t meant to be. Nonetheless, I rode bikes solo. I guess you could say I’m a lone wolf. A tiger, stalking through Siberian woods. I am the sperm whale of weekend biking—out there solo, large, white, head full of spermaceti, just wrecking shit when I breach—mmmmmmrrrrrrrrmmmmmmSPLASH.
I was riding at Cam-rock, A place I had been avoiding because I was afraid it was more xc-ski trails than bike trails. But I was way wrong. It’s only 8 miles of trails, but it’s certainly enough to keep you busy for a couple hours. Tons of places to get the bike off the ground, if only for a few feets, and then there’s some of this shit:
C’mon señor? You’re really just going put that there and be all like “DO IT.” Fuck it, I had to do a couple walkovers.
Fair warning: Cam-Rock is in GlassedEye country. Trust no one.
You ready to time travel?
Last weekend, I decided to take the fixer out for a spin. I was gonna pop off an easy 14 miles and had my turn around point set up. The thing is, I fucking hate out and back routes. So I got to my turn around point and decided to run the full lake loop. 23 miles lets do it. Who needs water?
Not the smartest thing I have every done. The Lake Mendota lake loop is so poorly marked, it’s under construction, and for part of it, it’s mega-cluttered by University students.
It was miserable.
I think we need to go back, even further in time:
Fuck it. Just walk.