In reality this place is like Oz. and not the Dorothy, Toto and Tin Man Oz. This is some HBO “Welcome to Oz, bitch” shit. You come in and you gotta let people know where you stand. You need to let people know you’re better than them. It’s an intimidation game. When you were young, or if you do it to 13-year-old girls on the cyberspace it’s called bullying—and for that the consequences are never to be the same. But in the working world I think it’s called business savvy.

To help you out I’ve come up with 10 tips to keep in mind when starting a new position. There are a couple things to keep in mind whilst getting savvy. The first is to not give yourself a couple days to settle in. This means you will be adapting to their systems. You’re gonna be playing by your rules, your shit needs to be more important. The second thing is to never waver, or show the littlest bit of doubt when savvy-izing. You need to be 100 certain in your actions. So study up and get to work at not working.

10 Ways to stake your claim in CORPO

• When being shown about, ask things like, “Oh, you still use fax machines here?” and “…and that just goes on the company account, right?”
• If they give you a cubicle, designate one corner to your Japanese tea set and artisan teas. Each day at 3:30 take 20 minutes to sip tea and stare intensely at the list of phone extensions that is the whole of you cubicle art.
• Inquire about the fitness facility. Be sure to ask a fat person.
• Ask around for the best way to the Land Rover dealer. Don’t give people an address or a business name, just assume they know where the dealership is.
• Find out who your equals are and those who are just above you, but not directly above you (i.e. copywriters use designers or art directors). Ask them to do some research for you. Start with business related requests but soon have them check into hotels near Paso Robles.
• Keep asking, “How is the sailing around here?”
• Always carry a couple $50s or $100s. Then when a co-worker ask for a donation for some kind of gift or treat day, you can just respond with “OOOOO…I’ve only got hondos.” If after three days this opportunity doesn’t arise, start asking co-workers to break a hundred. It helps to do this to the same co-worker several days in a row.
• Ignore Casual Friday. Wearing a fucking ascot that day.
• Reference fictitious Egyptian and Japanese economists and philosophers. Use only their last names. Base all of your decisions on the theories of Farruk and Matsuo.
• Smoke cigarettes without apology.

I heisted this from NYlife. It's crazy how wackurate this image is.