I can’t believe a year has already passed since we last had to face this shit. None the less, it’s back. And there is even more mind-blowing counting-to-potato then ever.
Now we’re going to go through this one together. Remember to turn the page when you hear the magic magnet chime.
- “Magic in the air. Comradery (camaraderie?), family, love”–C’mon really. This is how you follow up calling magnets miracles? Fuck, boss. I’ve been to
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music festivals and they always suck 4 hours into them, after you see your high school art teacher drunk and fighting kids younger than you in “the pit.” jocko/juggalo. Same mentality.
- You’ll meet people
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from everywherewhich includes Minnesota, Connecticut, and Nova Scotia? Sounds like there are going to be a lot of white folks there.
- “You’ll Probably get laid.” I’m pretty sure Mel Gibson just got in heaps of trouble for essentially saying the same thing to his girlie. Okay maybe he had a different inflection in his voice, but you get the picture.
- “The one and only Awesome Dre” sheeeeeeeeeit. I promise you he did not get that name anywhere but the internets. I can also give you at least six reasons I don’t think DUDE is awesome.
- SUGAR SLAM IS BACK! looking a bit more haggard and taking up a little more room on that car seat. If you know what I’m saying.
- An ode to the Wild Wild West, with no mention of Dru Hill or the Fresh Prince?
- “Smash through the glass as the fireworks blast.” Don’t worry there is only 16 minutes left. WOOP WOOP!
- Psycopathic Rydas RYDAS! Don’t give up now. Stay with me. Something makes me suspect these guys write their own music.
- Blaze Ya Dead Homie, doesn’t seem very dead to me. Then again I don’t think Juggalos are to be trusted with their “your/you’re” usage.
- Boondox such a pseudonym seems rather unrelated to being a scarecrow. Not a lot of farming going on in the Boondocks.
- Anybody Killa I think this might be Greg Machotka’s rapping pseudonym. Sounds like him anyway. Lispy fucker. Actually I bet GM could do better rapping. This is so shitty.
- No one has been talking about the Dayton Family.
- Naughty By Nature, Method Man and Redman. And we’re just getting warmed up! Method Man is to WuTang Clan as David Lee Roth is to Van Halen.
- Tom Green is still alive. I guess that’s a good thing. Also, he slept with Drew Barrymore.
- Gallagher, because it seems Tom Green isn’t past-his-prime enough. Juggalos, maybe your parents will come along. You can all paint up your faces together.
- “He does have good dick jokes.” At this point Sugar Slam pretty much knows she’s getting laid at the end of this infomercial, whether she wants it or not.
- Brotha Lynch Hung wishes he was from Fillmore or Vallejo. Guaranteed.
- Enormous heroes Sounds like a couple of fat dudes. I would rather see Down By Law.
- Warren G obviously had some influence in the videos made by this lot.
- Ladies Night on the second stage. Because they are second class citizens? Nope. Because there will only be like 25 females in attendance. Probably a fair amount of swervin’ going on though. Same thing, right?
- Afroman and Coolio will be there. Kevin Smith and Michelle Pfeiffer will not.
- For real, there seems to be an overweight white guy theme all over this.
- And I do mean everything. Get this dude an Oscar!
- Good to see they have helicopter rides again this year, and even used the same piece of stock footage.
- The Alfred Hitchcock of Hiphop Hmmm, so you’re saying he white and overweight too?
- Fuck that midget has a head like a Beluga Whale.
- Bubble Foam Party Again you’re probably going to get laid.
- Dammit They just said Milwaukee.
- Something about a movie
- Tickets available at Hot Topic. Obviously
Huge thanks to Cizarek Leopold Kilbaski for bringing this to my attention.
Okay, if you hung out through that let me try to make things a little bit better for you. Nowhere is coming.
I just hope they don’t put any music from The Who in it this year.