I am merely hours away from NEW BIKE. I can hardly even wait on that shit. Here’s proof:

And for those of you who are still driving cars, like troglodytes, here’s a tip that came to me from the internet today:

IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD A DUI, YOU’VE NEVER EXPERIENCED TRUE HAPPINESS!

IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD A DUI, YOU’VE NEVER HAD A REAL DUI!

IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD A DUI, YOU’VE NEVER LICKED NECTAR OFF THE TEET OF LEOPARD.

IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD A DUI, YOU’VE OBVIOUSLY NEVER GRABBED LIFE BY THE REIGNS AND RIDDEN IT FOR SIX DAY INTO THE OPEN WEST WHERE YOU FOUND SOME WHORE, YOUNGER THAN SHE LOOKS BUT OLDER THAN THE DREAM THAT BROUGHT HER PEOPLE HERE, WITH WHOM YOU SETTLE DOWN AND START A FAMILY, JUST LIVING OFF THE LAND AND KEEPING THE SAVAGES AT BAY WHILE YOU LIVE OUT YOUR REMAINING YEARS, BECAUSE MUTHAFUCKER, THAT’S LIVING AND YOU AIN’T NEVER HAD THAT IS YOU HAVEN’T HAD A DUI.

WTFUck is that ad saying?