Posts Tagged ‘movies’

Things That Go In My Eyes

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

I know I’ve been slacking this week, but we’re going to get down in it right now. I hope you all brought your boots. Here we go.

Took in Triple and a half movie-madness this past weekend. I say half because one of the flicks was The Class. A French film about teaching. I lasted no longer than 40 minutes. I also saw Paranormal activity and that was not what I was thinking it was. I thought it was supposed to be some movie about aliens in Alaska, but what it really was, was unentertaining. There were two horrible things about it spoiler alert! 1 The theatrical ending is for shit. They should have at least pulled off a CHiPs/Thiller freeze frame. 2. The alternative ending has the demon (underlying message: women are evil) cutting her own throat and falling over. I think we have all cut enough throats to know it takes a few moments for someone to die that way. There was no garbled scream. No blood spilling down the body. Hackory.

So after that I went to meet up with @larsma for some Milwaukee Film Fest action. I told her I had just watched Paranormal Activity. She asked if that was the one about aliens in Alaska.

We took in the midnight showing of Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. So much fun. This is what parody films are supposed to be. None of this Scream we-made-a-film-that-was-so-fucking-cliché-that-everyone-thought-it-was-a-joke-so-we-just-went-along-with-it rubbish.

Sunday night I took in the new Ryan Reynolds vehicle, Buried. Van Wilder is obviously going for the awards in this one. I mean this role was pretty much bigger than playing handicapped. This is like when Kate Winslet was in Extras. The whole film is Reynolds, no one else, just him for the entire thing. And here’s the real prize—he plays an American. The whole movie is pretty solid, except the part with the octopus*. Dude better get a Genie Award out of this.

Rumorator’s honesty box: I watch a lot of fucking movies. 80% of them are garbage.

Next up:

Let’s go back to when we were talking about boobs. I think I need to get a hold of Peep Show’s Let’s Make Better Mistakes Tomorrow. L-boogie from powderroom alerted me that Hadar has some boobs in it, so I was already sold. Then Yobeat drops the ka-nowledge that Colleen Quigley shows some hoots as well. So, fuck it, I’m watching this flick. Honestly, they could pretty much use a cool pix to film somebody flipping through a porno mag and I’d watch it. Also, the riding is really quite good.

Plus the girls from Peepshow were rather pleasant when I met them.

Depth-kon Trizz

I watched Glee last night. Fuck that show. I enjoyed the pilot episode. It was quirky and seemed self-aware. They knew they were selling shit, but that’s what made it funny. Then they got picked up and the humor is gone. The self-awareness is gone. Now it’s just a pack of kids who feel they need to express things through song. The kitsch is gone. Now it’s just tired.

To make last nights showing even worse, the episode had to do with god. And of course the religious people were all trying to help those who were non-believers, or as I like to call them “Sucker Free.” So we got jesus freak telling Sucker Free “You really need to open up to god because you might find a lot of things you never expected.” Or some crap like that. Yet we cannot have an atheist or anti-theist on TV telling the bible-beater “you should really stop with this god nonsense because you might find that there is a whole lot out there that gets tainted by your religions.”

Plus the entire episode was loaded up with anti-abortion and republican ads. Gross.

Product reviews

Saturday, September 18th, 2010

There is something I like about this review

Rumorator’s honesty box: I’ll watch this shit. But I’m not watching Bronson again until I can get some subtitles.

Got loose with the Goose

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

You’re probably gonna want to know how it when down. It was like this, Goosefeather (aka The Spaceplow, aka G, aka Grundy van Grundy) and I planning on doing a brunch yesterday, because we needed an excuse to have booze before noon. So, we hit my go-to place. Roots.

The typical Roots experience is great food, really banger service, and over-priced drinks. This time, the only thing we got were the over-priced drinks. We rolled up and were immediately told that the wait would be 45 minutes for a table outside. So we waited, because the view is better outside, and frankly eating brunch indoors is for poor people.

We hit the basement bar and scored up a couple drinks. $12 after tip. These were bottled beers, mind you. Finally we get seated, outdoors at the only table without a bumbershoot-eh-eh-eh. So the sun’s oppressing us, keeping our people down. We’re sweating it and just running our mouths about how the suburbs are completely garbage. Finally Late-waiter brings our waters, we place drink orders and he walks away. Leaving a trail of grease, like some shitbag-hipster-slug.

It’s at this point Goose starts telling me that people need to be warned about living in the suburbs. The truth is a few years ago Dude was thinking “I’m a grown-up. I need a house.” So he bought this joint in Wawawawautosa. For those of you who don’t know the geography of southeast Wisconsin, WaWa is barely a suburb. It seems more like the left side of the city. It’s not like Agrestic, but you’re certainly not in the city proper either. Now Goose is just bitter about owning a home and hates having to be there. He wants us all to take warning: Suburbs are pure garbage.

Finally the food had arrived. This was good as I could already feel the skin cancer developing and I know my farer-skinned friend was in even more basal-cell danger. The food was certainly not hot, so we didn’t have to wait to eat it. I’ll repeat that: Our food, that was supposed to be warm, was cooler than the air. Funny thing was that two more of the same drinks we had at the bar cost more at the table.

Eventually we were out of there.

From there we made a bunch of jokes about the car with the condensation in the headlights being parked in the jungle. He had monkeys in his car too.  And a python in the trunk. KRAZED.

We roll to Goose’s suburban home, look at his computers and then watched some movie that may or may not have been good. I also took the time to document how much he hates being at his some. Lookedis:

Still better than the brunch at roots.

Delusions of Blandeur: Chapter 8

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

I spend way too much time pumping the NPR. I mean that shit just clangs in my place. I’ve even got a loopt podcast of Doualy Xaykaothao reports that I let spin all night. That shit even keeps the ASIMOs awake. Think about that–They’re robots, they’re plugged in, and they still can’t get any recharge time.

But that isn’t what’s important. This is what is: I was stoked to hear them call out James Cameron and his new movie.

Basically you’ve got Neda Ulaby just killing it on the vocals here, busting up Avatar and some new “Tik Tok” song. Previous to this broadcast I had never even heard of the song, but it sounded like pop schlock. Then last night I had the pleasure of catching Ke$ha on Conan.

Fuck me.

I knew, as soon as people started hyping Avatar, I wanted nothing to do with it. Over blown, ego-stroking, poor excuse to of a movie. I’ve been pretty opposed to James Cameron for a while now. Sure I saw Abyss, but that was only because I heard there were some boobs in it. Aliens was a good flick, but seemed to be way to similar to a movie I had already seen. It was called Alien and Ridley Scott had already kicked some ass. And I’m proud to say I’ve never seen Titanic. Nevermind the fact that I think LDC and Kate Winslet are great actors, I knew the movie was bound to be 100% trash.

So you’re going to tell me Avatar was a good movie. I’m sure you’re still sleeping on that Captain EO joint. Avatar fans are typically the same poeple who are pumping KISS-FM or whatever you pop radio station is. And you love this Ke$ha track. Seriously, had I known in my younger days that all it took to get girls excited was a string of hyperboles, I wouldn’t have spent so much time skateboarding. It crap music, your personality on Conan’s show was crap, and your name is spelled with a dollar sign.Not even three of them. It basically means you’re shallow and broke.

Plus you cannot, really spell your name like that. I learned this when the state of Vermont wouldn’t let me legally change my name to 4700, because I refused to budge on the use of Arabic numerals.