MONDAY! MONDAY! MONDAY! is opening day and if you’re like me you’ll be there cheering on Los Cerveceros against the Cololamedo Rockies. It’s a great time to get your fill of brats, dogs, stadium sauce, pork, taco dip, chips and beer. The weather sounds like it’s going to be perfect this year, so don’t miss it. But in case you didn’t get tickets. I’ve compiled a list of other activities with which to fill your opening day.
22 Things to do If You Didn’t Get Opening Day Tickets:
- Come to the parking lot and drink beer. Maybe play that weird bean bag tossing game.
- Lars-style it: Sit on your stoop with a radio and a 12er of Old Style.
- Grab a baseball bat and have your own opening day in Riverwest.
- Sit around with your frat brothers and have your own sausage races.
- Keep reminding your friends how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds remain until the World Cup Begins.
- Blame Obama
- Carry on with your life, oblivious to the local sports team, only acknowledging it to discuss how it causes an unhealthy obsession in a class of people obviously lower than yourself.
- Grab an early dinner at Applebees. Then maybe swing by Barnes & Noble for that new Rachel Ray Cookbook. Her recipe for take-out hamburgers is amazing: Buy three hamburgers, combine them all into one and look at that, you’ve got a triple burger for the biggest of appetites. And you didn’t even mess up your kitchen.
- Drugs (and wear sunglasses).
- Sleep with the wife of a man who is going to opening day. HOMERUN!
- Do the Humpty Hump.
- Fight the good fight and get some anti-fungal cream.
- Check in on 4-Square: “I’m not at opening day! http://4sq.com/tellmewhenthisgetannoying“
- Get Mtv Off the Air
- Get down with that Joanna Newsom triple disc. I have to suggest doing this one Lars-style, with the 12er of Old Style on the front stoop, as well.
- Just keep on, keepin’ on.
- American Pie #8: Semester at See-Through-Panties is finally out on DVD. Catch the commentary with Eugene Levy, Michelle Trachtenberg, Frankie Muniz and Haley Joel Osmet.
- Wonder aloud whenTF Rumorator.com went to blow.
- Come up with a noble excuse such as: you donated your tickets to a blind child who only longs to hear the crack of a Prince Fielder homerun, or I’ve spent the last six month in a meth haze, can you really expect me to order tickets?
- Listen to the “Music for Losers” station on Pandora.
- Opt to go see a Madison Mallards game because that’s where core baseball happens.
In Other News
You cannot stop this: