I don’t know how the country got this fucked up, but it’s happened.

Maybe it’s all just backlash to the super sexxxifying of the 1990s, or maybe we’ve just run out of attractive people who aren’t models, but we are uglier now America. We could blame Zack Galafianakis or indie rock, but somehow this country has let itself go.

Granted, models are still models and look good. Even when they don’t, we’ve got photochopping superstars to make them look fucking amazing. Case in point:

Now that’s some hot shit. But of course she does, she’s a model. IRL you don’t see anyone that looks like that. Since this is the digital age and everyone is famous online, we get people posting shit up all  over the place thinking what they do is acceptable.  Item #2:

Pearl and the Beard – Will Smith Medley from Goddamn Cobras Collective on Vimeo.

there is nothing good going on with this video. The clothing is unforgivable and you with the cello, your crappy hairstyle is is all wrong for your mug. You are not people I want to see. This music is not music i want to hear. And just because you cover it in a different style doesn’t make it acceptable. That shit was tired as soon as H. Sapiens jacked H. Neaderthalensis‘ backbeat. But most importantly, you are not attractive, do not assume people want to look at you. Write your own music, find your own style.

This is a fact. It’s the reason Barry O was elected and McCain was sent home. Shit the only reason McCain had a chance is because of the Sara (proper WASP spelling) Palin and her eerie likeness to that lady who worked at the gas station that you would have totally tried to have tigersex with, given the opportunity, even though she had no clue how to count cash and ate the left-over corndogs off the rollers after 10pm.

This is the reason I stay behind the curtain. I’m old, fat, and have a huge head. You will not catch me in public without a full-face mask. Not so for Pearl and the Beard in the above video. They’ve actually decided to expose more of their retched flesh. Judging by their location they probably take style advice from American Apparel.

America I want you to remember, If you’re ugly the last things you need are leggings and jumper. Gents, if you are slobbish and women run from you, do not grow a neck beard.

Now i’m not saying we all need to hide in basements, but to all of us who are not beautiful: Please try to stay out of the public eye. Let’s America great again.