Posts Tagged ‘Shaun White’

My take on this year’s X Games…

Monday, January 28th, 2013

Well…the Shaun White Lovefest that is the X Games came & went this past week/weekend. And whether you watched it or not (because you’re boycotting it until they reinstate modified shovel racing as an event) nothing will change the fact that it happened.

Before I get to that though, I’d just like to tell you that I went and played snowboards 3 times since my last post. 3. Because I like to P-A-R-T-Y. Once in drizzly rain & freezing fog, once on a relatively warm night and once more at night, but in single degree temperatures. Why? Because I’m a fucking G and I got me a new Burton Custom FV 160 Muppet’s (Dr. Teeth) board and needs to be stood upon and slid downhill, that’s why. Each time, my buddy Jordan who I taught how to ride the day before Turkey Day was with me. He’s getting pretty good at it. He’s even got his own set up now. He’s hooked.

Anyhow…back to the X Games. I got some thoughts I’d like to share about them. Here we go!

THE GOOD

• Shaun White’s pipe run: 24 feet of air on the first hit? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s quarter pipe-type air we’re talking about! While his run lacked style, even the most outspoken SW hater couldn’t argue that his 2nd run wasn’t the best run of the night, and that he desevred to win. What I hate though, is that that run was better than his winning run last year, and it got a 98, but last year he got a “perfect” 100.

• The sign Scotty Lago’s dog wore: “That’s my daddy”…? Fucking awesome.

• Ayumu Hirano: that little dude went OFF last night in the finals, and earned 2nd place. Oh, he’s 14 years old, 5’2″ & in 8th grade. Dude is gonna be nasty and take lots of top podium spots…unless judges decide to fuck him over like his fellow countryman, Kazu Kokubo.

• Elena Hight: She keeps getting better.

• The Swedish Chef “This is SportsCenter” commercial: Damn I love me some Muppets. However, after the 19th time, I was getting tired of it.

• The Mighty Ducks: Sorry, this has nothing to with the X Games. It’s just currently on while I’m typing this up. QUACK, you cake eater!

THE BAD

• Just about EVERY other commercial: HOLY SHIT! How many times can the same commercial be played…over and over and over…in the span of 4 days?!? Has anyone in the history of watching the X Games been persuaded to enlist with the NAVY while watching the X Games? “I like shredding, so logically, I’ll join the Navy, where they do a shit ton of winter sports. Gonna jump in my JEEP, call Geico for low rates, guzzle a Red Bull and drive to the Taco Bell for some fourth meal before I head on down to the recruiter’s office.”

• BoarderCross, as well as SkierCross, is no more: Apparently, the decision to end BX in the X Games was made in August, but I didn’t find out until Wednesday. I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why they would take out out the most gnar event from the X Games. They left in SnoCross and Speed & Style, all performed on snowmobiles. You know what I did when that came on? Said “Fuck this shit!” and took a nap on the couch, falling asleep while watching Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader on GSN. Turns out, I’m not. But seriously…SnoCross might as well just be winter NASCAR. Dude who won beat the entire field by 11 seconds. And there was 16 fucking laps of that boring ass shit. But they cut the one event that is retardedly fast paced and more exciting than the the championship peewee hockey game between the Hawks and the Ducks, (Sorry…still watching Mighty Ducks. DAMN Charlie stepped up on that penalty shot). Also, not having a BX contest this year robbed all of us from seeing how Lindsey Jacobellis was going to fuck up winning right before the finish line.

• Shaun White’s choice of attire: Can anyone tell me why SW thought looking like the Gimp was a good look? Dude looked like he was an extra at the Blue Oyster Bar from Police Academy. He needs to dump that coach of his if that dude isn’t stepping up and telling him that he needs to cut the leather daddy Hot Topic bullshit.

• Scotty Lago’s drop in: “YEA! LAGO IS THE LAST DUDE THAT CAN WIN DROPPING IN! PRIDE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE RIGHT THERE! HE’S GONNA GIVE SHAUN A RUN FOR HIS MON-oh…WTF? He fell dropping IN to the pipe? Awesome. What else is on tv?”

• ESPN basically verbally blowing SW: Any and every chance they got, they were hyping him up. Sure he won the pipe, but still…when another rider is about to drop in, and the camera is glued on SW…enough is a enough.

• Keir Dillon Announcing: Not trying to hate on him, but he sucked. Sounds like he’s been huffing helium & his on-camera appearances were so uncomfortable and odd. FUN SIDE NOTE: Keir & I almost came to fisticuffs at the US Open in 2003 or 2004; I can’t recall exactly which year it was. But we’re good now.

• Skier attempting a 1980 in Big Air: Five and a half rotations? Really? That’s not even cool. Next year, maybe when they get rid of another event that is awesome, like Slopestyle, they can replace it with Super Twirling. First person to get a nosebleed wins. X-TREME!!!

THE UGLY

• Kelly Clark: Look…I’m no catch…and neither is shim.

• Rogue sled into the crowd: The Aussie motocross turned freestyle snowmobile dude had less than 4 hours on a sled, total, in his lifetime. Yeah…that seems safe. While his fancy trick was pretty cool, he somehow got his sled to ghost ride into the crowd, injuring a teenage bystander. Made me think of this song, (which in turn made me think of riding, jetlagged and stoned out of my mind in the thin ColoRADo air at Echo Mountain Park, RIP, and getting my boogie on alongside Loaf & Zagbeast the Hoebag):

Well…that’s all for now. Flame away.

-CLK

2013-10: On Snowboarding and Projection of Self-Perception

Friday, January 25th, 2013

You guys seeing this showdown between Shaun White and Mark McMorris? Shit. I can’t even imagine the pressure on those two. If McMorris doesn’t win, he comes off looking like a real deal asshole. And if he does win, Shaun has to go home and cry on his bed made of gold medals and cash and a ridiculous legacy.

I was really trying to avoid Xgamesy stuff. But I had to watch this video, simply because a Helgason put it out:

X GAMES Slope style quallyz a Snowboarding video by Helgasons

Holy shit. Look right there, in the background. Shaun White is co-mingling with other riders. He’s not sequestered in a private Shaun White Stride Gums Lounge. Is this a new Shaun White we are seeing?

People love to go off about who’s going to beat Shaun White, and it’s going to start happening—probably consistently and probably soon. The guy has been on top for a decade now. I’ve wondered time and time again if snowboarding is even fun for Shaun White. It never seemed to be about screwing around with friends, it was about winning. Now I’m wondering if it isn’t getting a bit old for him.

Can he put his game together tight enough to take home medals in halfpipe and slopestyle in Sochi?

What if he did it and walked away? What if he pulled a Craig on us? What if he stepped off that Russian podium, walked into the mountains and never came back? Would we still spit vitriol at him? Would we still blame him for ruining snowboarding?

But that is tangential. I’m here to discuss a young dude that is making me  happy that I still follow snowboarding.

Jamie Nicholls, who I once bagged on for being from the UK. This kid is the raddest in the game right now. First off, he is an impressively good rider. You can see him get loose at the Nike Chosen event last year:

Now consider that he grew up riding dry slopes, because he was from the UK.

But apart from that the kid is straight-up 18-year old. He’s out there with friends and having a good time.  Blasting off tweets like this:

Then jock-poppa in charge of snowboarding in the UK reprimands him.

In a shocking turn of events, Jock-poppa gets charged at because this is snowboarding and it’s all about having fun and screwing off, it’s not rugby and he backs down, admitting he needs to learn to roll. You don’t see the game get played like that in the USA.

Jamie Nicholls, free to be young again, heads off to Quebec for a contest. He makes it through to the finals, but doesn’t do as well as he hoped to, so he puts out something like an apology on the tweets.

WhoTF is this dude? Dude just brushes it off, essentially says “I’ll do better next time” and goes to hit street rails. Perhaps he feels like he owes his followers this, because he’s on the dole, sucking from the titty of the British sporting public (In case you missed that part). It seems like a noble thing to do.

More importantly it seems like a well-adjusted thing to do. This dude is 18 and apparently has been on the British scene since he was six. Contrast that to Shaun White who played that role for those of us in the US. Shaun has always been on a pedestal. Whether it was self-imposed or done at the bidding of other forces, Shaun has existed completely outside of snowboarding. It’s part of what has allowed him to be so successful, but it’s one of the biggest factors having lead to the incessant Shaun-bashing.

Honestly I hope this kid keeps ripping the shit out of things. According to the European connection, riders like Jamie and his pal Billy Morgan have a good chance of blowing up before they head to Sochi. And, It doesn’t hurt to have the likes of Nike and Salomon behind you. The guy is headed for great things, and he may never really hit it big stateside, but I really hope the next group of contest kids, and more importantly their parents and (for fuck’s sake) coaches, take note on how to be awesome for yourself, your friends and the whole shred game.

 

***The screen grabs I used came from Whitelines article about the twitter kerfuffle, which you can read here.

2013-8: Trip Corks and Gun Culture

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Christ, I know what you’re thinking.
Get your shit together, Rumorator. You said this was the year you would pump out more than 16 crap-assed posts. Prove it numbnuts.
Shit, dude I’ve been writing some hackneyed government website for the past couple of weeks. It’s hard being a pinko these days.

But on with the show, eh.

The Beginning: Triple corked the fuck outta shit.
Guys, big news Shaun White triple corked a slopestyle jump (or as us regulars call it, “a jump”). You can see it over on Yobeat, or like everywhere else.

But the more important Shaun White element was that he was on hit NBC show Goon, starring that dude from Friends. The one the was always saying “Whoa!” and “Bada Bing!”  That dude is on the sequel to Friends and the show had Shaun White guest starring as Shawn Whyte “The greatest snowboarder of all fictional time™” and to talk about Stride gums.

I actually watched this, and you can too. And honestly, The Blanco was not the worst thing about this show. And this show is not the worst thing on TV. At the same time, it doesn’t really excel as a show. It just falls flat. I assume it will get cancelled. But hey, thanks for advancing the idea that all of snowboarding is just Shaun White.

Dude does triple corks, you know, right?

NEXT!
A couple weeks ago my Milwaukee host family, Chip and Metal Brian and 2nd cousin N8zilla, were heading to northern Wisconsin to spend time at a place they just referred to as The Bus. I really tried to flake out on this. I didn’t like giving up a good shred weekend to drive four hours north.

But then things, changed up. The weather turned warm. It was suddenly perfect for northern Wisconsin-ing, and crap for snowboarding. I realized that at some point, every man wants to hang out at a place called “The Bus”. To be at such a place, just to talk shit with friends and drink beers outside is a pretty rad. Plus I learned it was wasn’t really that far away.

It still took forever to get there Friday night. Super dense fog had me travelling 35mph on the freeway and then stuck in the delightful little town of Wittenberg for over an hour. I wasn’t actually stuck but the fog was not letting me find my way out. It was like the Eagles said, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. And we make incredibly shitty music.”

Eventually, I made it and the first  thought to enter my head was, “This is where people go to die. This is literally a bus in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of Wisconsin.” I ignored that feeling as I have like 3 other times in my life, just took a seat and got into some boozes.

The night consisted of sitting by a fire, drinking whiskey, drinking beer, poking sticks into the fire, trying to bake a potato, telling jokes, listening to black metal, listening to Paul Scheer review Anaconda,  and listening to Mysterious Universe Plus episodes. It was shaping up to be a good evening, then I looked over to the condiments table and a saw this laying there:

This led into an hour-long discussion about how uncomfortable I was with a handgun just hanging out.   Then I suggested a game that involved Chip and I make  a game of doing donuts in our trucks while everyone else tries to shoot the tires . Nobody else was feeling that. Gun culture is still beyond me.

And to address the Chekhov in the room, the gun was fired at a few cans and a metal target, which may have been a frying pan, hanging in a tree.

Dream vacation in the Dells. Hot Pic. Sorry.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING ON THE TIRE?

Trucksterist

Back to the Boards
In the past 10 days both The New York Times and The LA Times (Is that even a real newspaper, or is the LA Times like City Pages for Silverlake?) took the shred game to task.

The LA version naturally just talked about how rad skiing is. This is typical coverage. Snowboarders have always been the foil, so when the recent snowboarding bubble pops, it’s never about how trends are cyclical. The LA Times makes it about how skiing is what’s cool and everyone always comes back to skiing. To the LA Times snowboarding is just a phase you go through, like jewish girls, or other dudes. Snowboarding was never anything real, it was simply a fling. Now let’s get back to what’s important here, that being skiing.

The New York Times, America’s paper of record, uses the same jumping off point, but then addresses how snowboarding hasn’t built in a contingency plan. Snowboardist are essentially drowning themselves in the hottub.

If these predictions are accurate, we’re looking at a 20-30 percent drop in ridership. At first glance that might seem awesome. Less kids sitting around, fucking the whole scene up, right? And most of those kids don’t stick with it anyway. Except for the few of them who become the core riders. But 20-30 percent is a pretty significant drop for the industry. Fewer boards, boots, gloves coats, goggles, neck gaiters. All that shit will take a hit.

Of course, you could say that those that are being skimmed off are probably part of the problem in snowboarding. I feel confident assuming most of the skimmed do not get their gear from the core shops and thus aren’t really impacted those of us who are core+. There may be a new lull in snowboarding coming, and now that we have basked in the good life, are we ready to slink back into the background. Sure. Why not?

Fucking gun culture.

2012-8: Return of THA DON

Thursday, January 19th, 2012

Hey Guys, Look who’s back! It’s Simon and JP getting gnarly and supa-wicked.

Now, just so we are all on the same train here, I’ve never been a huge fan of JP or Simon. I don’t doubt they’re riding skillzz, it’s more that I’m just not feeling their approach. Plus JP openly likes to be called “The Don,” which is some tacky-ass shit.

So I found this nugget of interesting, dropped over on the MODA3 blog:

They are releasing a trailer for a web series that won’t be out in until next season. They have named the series Absolute Jibberish, which ranks pretty high on the Frank-Lupus Hackocity Scale. It earned the kind of ranking that kept me from naming this blog Kenny Bloggins or We B Log Together.

Then again this is the industry that continues to give us:

  • Premature Jibulation
  • Jibassic Park
  • PB and Rail Jam
  • Torah Bright

But back to what we’re really looking at here. We’ve got a trailer for a web series that comes out next season. The trailer shows JP and Simon hangering out together. Blobviously they are snowboardering around. So why they fuck are the already not producing episodes of this web series? People are barely willing to wait to see real shred flicks, what makes these two think people will wait more than 3 minutes for this web series. There are 100 crews out there nailing rails and performing jibbery ever day. And tonight someone from their crew is going to go home, edit the “stacked footy”, pirate some song, put it all together and get it up on Yobeat. Sure they aren’t all amazing, but look what the Tahoe Dangerzone Crew did—ridiculous riding, insane-o concepts and all of it up within days of it getting shot.

A teaser for a web series is going about it all wrong, but then again my dad thinks twitter is stupid as well. Whatever.

YAY JIBBERISH!

Bonus: What the fuck was with Gator II’s incredibly normal appearance on Conan the other night?

Today In Shrad

Friday, January 28th, 2011

Nick Visconti at 1:50 gives you a humper.

Ransack Rebellion teaser from Jesse Burtner on Vimeo.

It was a new year’s resolution of mine to stop going on about Nicks was so radness, but he can still lay down some pretty creative shit..

On the other hand, there’s always this:

I keep saying he’s following in the footprints of the Gator, but this latest fashion bit has me thinking he’s gonna start stealing the garage guy fan base from MJJ (mormon jeremy jones).

Can’t wait to see another leather jacket in Burton’s line up!

Lastly:

I don’t even know why you’re reading this, you should be talking about shrad in Wisconsin, over on Yobeat

When Shaun White Talks the Internet Listens

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

In case you missed it, CNN dropped this pile of warm caca on the masses last night:

And damn if the internet blow up.

Yobeat, always on point, came out with their critique last night. It was great! Pretty much the funniest thing written on the internet in like 3 days.

Then the heavy hitters picked it up too. Boardistan got involved and even quoted that hilarious Yobeat article. And our homeboys over in Europe, Onboard Mag, had something to say as well. I was hoping they could pick up something deeper, more nuanced, in that strange accent the narrator had, but in the end, they too differed to the Yobeat piece.

I can’t really see Transworld picking up on this story because it’s not a press relase or paid content. As I said before, this whole thing was pure crap, but it’s the closest thing the snowboarding world has to “news.” And Transworld doesn’t concern themselves with such matters.

The main thing here is that whoever wrote that critique should probably get some kind of award presented by models in bikinis or something.

Snowman Cometh…

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Ellipsis. Suck it old boss. This is bloggerism and your Religious fanatacism has no sway here. Imma ellipsis in blogs for ever. IRL, I just SMH.

While Yobeat is over there hyping up the latest vids to be released (I warned you in the spring, it’s all cutting room floor crap), Imma gonna keep you on top of shit right here. You can officially quit glimpsing split second clips of Burton decks and Capita’s creepshow army, and gawk longingly—it’s catalogue time, MFers

So get with it, 2011 shrad is on the way. Case in point, I picked this beast up at MODA3 today. You could also read that as MODA3 2day, or MODA-Kevin McHale-day. Brand standards just went right out the window with that one. Anyway I grabbed the 2011 Burton Catalogue:

I have placed it here next to a quarter and a rumorator.com business card, for scale. First thing you’ll notice is that it’s much bigger than last year’s bible concept (assuming you can remember that far back). But oddly enough I think the weight is roughly  the same. Lighte-weight paper stock, no embossed cover and fuck those foiled edges.  It’s nice to see that after dropping about $5/catalogue last year, running short on them , and raising a ton of speculation as to why the board prices went up, Big B opted to go for something a lot less conceptual. The irony of it is I think it’s a lot better catalog, in that there aren’t themes fighting throughout, like last year, and only the premium lines are differentiated. That damn bible had a new theme every seven pages.

So lets flip it open.

Oh look, Mason Aguirre isn’t mentioned anywhere. I guess he’s cut this year. Nico gets mentioned but doesn’t get pics. Nike doesn’t own Burton, but they are kind of owning them.

The price on Jeremy Jones board dropped by about $100, or as I like to think of it $10 less dollars that is going to some lunatic pack of MOMOs. And of course he has got some motorcycle/americana motif happening. FUCK BURTON, HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE A SHITTY MOTOCYCLE THEMED BOARD BEFORE YOU REALIZE IT’S OVER? Remember when Ride was making those motocross themed KH series or whatever they were. Well, they learned their lesson.

T-minus four years until he dumps a broad’s body in the desert and they track it back to him because of the bandana.  The Gatoring continues. Brought to you by Target.

Oh look it’s the “B by” line. Great. I hope a lot of lades love this line. But most women don’t bother to try and look like girls whilst getting the shrad. So this is really made to appeal to the guys who buy their ladies new clothes. And if that is the case I’m going to make the entire “B by” line more appealing with one, masterful cut and paste.

You see what happened there?

Okay now lets move on. The women’s outerwear line has three vest options. The guys? Nada. WTF Bigga B? All I want is a vest like the AK ones you used to make. Can we make that shit happen?

Also The Nug. Fuck that. It’s called The Lunch Tray, and Morrow made it in 1992-ish.

Lastly the women’s Lipstick.

I think they forgot to highlight “Inspired by Capita” in the features. Right next to Infinite Ride, Bro.

Speaking of Capita: Click it!

And know you might be saying to yourself, “Oh but Rumorator that shit is kind of blurry.” Doesn’t matter broder. They got a zoom  and all you really need to look at is right here:

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to prop up this closer from the Burton Catalogue:

Buy local, because we would hate to see people in your community lose their jobs. Besides we outsource enough for everyone. FACT: Not one item in the new B catalog is produced in the US.

BUY LOCAL SUCKERS!

In closing, you might want to watch the latest Knife Show video if you haven’t seen it.

I Think We Have a Shaun White Issue

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

*This entire post was made possible by Jeff over at Ocupop and by the number 12.

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I mean, for real, this is troubling. I’m not seeing one Burton, target, HP, Red Bull or Oakley logo on him. His handlers must be pist!

I can only assume Mr. Blanco is coming directly from some sort of Thai ceremony where he played the role of Davy Crockett. That shirt is just blowing my mind right now. I really want it to be held together with safety pins in the back. Or may just shredded fabric. And that racoon tail. I’ve seen dudes on bikes try to rock that shit in Riverwest and they always give up after a few days. Even the shitbag/scenesters are like “you just went too far Fess Parker.”

Man, we’ve seen akshin sport styles go this way before. Gator? And what did he do? Oh yeah, he killed his girlfriend and dumped her body in the desert. This only lends credibility to my prediction as to how we can make snowboarding cool again. Check #9 it’s in there.

Ah Shit.

And where is Senor Blanco off to? To see the prez of course. Can you imagine Brobama and Blanco getting together. The ego in that room is going to be mega. They’re going to have to measure ‘em for sure.

This is how it’s going to go down.

Obama: Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf’ be messin’ mah old lady… got to be runnin’ cold upside down his head, you know?
Blanco: Hey home’, I can dig it. Know ain’t gonna lay no mo’ big rap up on you, man!
Obama: I say hey, sky… subba say I wan’ see…
Blanco: Uh-huh.
Obama: …pray to J I did the same ol’ same ol’!
Blanco: Hey… knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in’, man!
Obama: Hey, you know what they say: see a broad to get dat booty yak ‘em…
Both in unison:…leg ‘er down a smack ‘em yak ‘em!
Obama: COL’ got to be! Y’know? Shiiiiit.

True facts. Though really I could have written this whole thing in WindDings 3,  as I imagine these two wont be speaking about anything of importance.

Meanwhile, over on Sean’s Facebook page we have this mess:

Man, white folks is angry.

Follow-up: This might be part of Burton’s elaborate “Keep Snowboarding Rich and White Campaign.”