Now, just so we are all on the same train here, I’ve never been a huge fan of JP or Simon. I don’t doubt they’re riding skillzz, it’s more that I’m just not feeling their approach. Plus JP openly likes to be called “The Don,” which is some tacky-ass shit.

So I found this nugget of interesting, dropped over on the MODA3 blog:

They are releasing a trailer for a web series that won’t be out in until next season. They have named the series Absolute Jibberish, which ranks pretty high on the Frank-Lupus Hackocity Scale. It earned the kind of ranking that kept me from naming this blog Kenny Bloggins or We B Log Together.

Then again this is the industry that continues to give us:

• Premature Jibulation
• Jibassic Park
• PB and Rail Jam
• Torah Bright

But back to what we’re really looking at here. We’ve got a trailer for a web series that comes out next season. The trailer shows JP and Simon hangering out together. Blobviously they are snowboardering around. So why they fuck are the already not producing episodes of this web series? People are barely willing to wait to see real shred flicks, what makes these two think people will wait more than 3 minutes for this web series. There are 100 crews out there nailing rails and performing jibbery ever day. And tonight someone from their crew is going to go home, edit the “stacked footy”, pirate some song, put it all together and get it up on Yobeat. Sure they aren’t all amazing, but look what the Tahoe Dangerzone Crew did—ridiculous riding, insane-o concepts and all of it up within days of it getting shot.

A teaser for a web series is going about it all wrong, but then again my dad thinks twitter is stupid as well. Whatever.

YAY JIBBERISH!

Bonus: What the fuck was with Gator II’s incredibly normal appearance on Conan the other night?

Ransack Rebellion teaser from Jesse Burtner on Vimeo.

It was a new year’s resolution of mine to stop going on about Nicks was so radness, but he can still lay down some pretty creative shit..

On the other hand, there’s always this:

I keep saying he’s following in the footprints of the Gator, but this latest fashion bit has me thinking he’s gonna start stealing the garage guy fan base from MJJ (mormon jeremy jones).

Can’t wait to see another leather jacket in Burton’s line up!

Lastly:

I don’t even know why you’re reading this, you should be talking about shrad in Wisconsin, over on Yobeat

And damn if the internet blow up.

Yobeat, always on point, came out with their critique last night. It was great! Pretty much the funniest thing written on the internet in like 3 days.

Then the heavy hitters picked it up too. Boardistan got involved and even quoted that hilarious Yobeat article. And our homeboys over in Europe, Onboard Mag, had something to say as well. I was hoping they could pick up something deeper, more nuanced, in that strange accent the narrator had, but in the end, they too differed to the Yobeat piece.

I can’t really see Transworld picking up on this story because it’s not a press relase or paid content. As I said before, this whole thing was pure crap, but it’s the closest thing the snowboarding world has to “news.” And Transworld doesn’t concern themselves with such matters.

The main thing here is that whoever wrote that critique should probably get some kind of award presented by models in bikinis or something.

While Yobeat is over there hyping up the latest vids to be released (I warned you in the spring, it’s all cutting room floor crap), Imma gonna keep you on top of shit right here. You can officially quit glimpsing split second clips of Burton decks and Capita’s creepshow army, and gawk longingly—it’s catalogue time, MFers

So get with it, 2011 shrad is on the way. Case in point, I picked this beast up at MODA3 today. You could also read that as MODA3 2day, or MODA-Kevin McHale-day. Brand standards just went right out the window with that one. Anyway I grabbed the 2011 Burton Catalogue:

I have placed it here next to a quarter and a rumorator.com business card, for scale. First thing you’ll notice is that it’s much bigger than last year’s bible concept (assuming you can remember that far back). But oddly enough I think the weight is roughly  the same. Lighte-weight paper stock, no embossed cover and fuck those foiled edges.  It’s nice to see that after dropping about $5/catalogue last year, running short on them , and raising a ton of speculation as to why the board prices went up, Big B opted to go for something a lot less conceptual. The irony of it is I think it’s a lot better catalog, in that there aren’t themes fighting throughout, like last year, and only the premium lines are differentiated. That damn bible had a new theme every seven pages.

So lets flip it open.

Oh look, Mason Aguirre isn’t mentioned anywhere. I guess he’s cut this year. Nico gets mentioned but doesn’t get pics. Nike doesn’t own Burton, but they are kind of owning them.

The price on Jeremy Jones board dropped by about $100, or as I like to think of it $10 less dollars that is going to some lunatic pack of MOMOs. And of course he has got some motorcycle/americana motif happening. FUCK BURTON, HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE A SHITTY MOTOCYCLE THEMED BOARD BEFORE YOU REALIZE IT’S OVER? Remember when Ride was making those motocross themed KH series or whatever they were. Well, they learned their lesson.

T-minus four years until he dumps a broad’s body in the desert and they track it back to him because of the bandana.  The Gatoring continues. Brought to you by Target.

Oh look it’s the “B by” line. Great. I hope a lot of lades love this line. But most women don’t bother to try and look like girls whilst getting the shrad. So this is really made to appeal to the guys who buy their ladies new clothes. And if that is the case I’m going to make the entire “B by” line more appealing with one, masterful cut and paste.

You see what happened there?

Okay now lets move on. The women’s outerwear line has three vest options. The guys? Nada. WTF Bigga B? All I want is a vest like the AK ones you used to make. Can we make that shit happen?

Also The Nug. Fuck that. It’s called The Lunch Tray, and Morrow made it in 1992-ish.

Lastly the women’s Lipstick.

I think they forgot to highlight “Inspired by Capita” in the features. Right next to Infinite Ride, Bro.

Speaking of Capita: Click it!

And know you might be saying to yourself, “Oh but Rumorator that shit is kind of blurry.” Doesn’t matter broder. They got a zoom  and all you really need to look at is right here:

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to prop up this closer from the Burton Catalogue:

Buy local, because we would hate to see people in your community lose their jobs. Besides we outsource enough for everyone. FACT: Not one item in the new B catalog is produced in the US.

BUY LOCAL SUCKERS!

In closing, you might want to watch the latest Knife Show video if you haven’t seen it.

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I mean, for real, this is troubling. I’m not seeing one Burton, target, HP, Red Bull or Oakley logo on him. His handlers must be pist!

I can only assume Mr. Blanco is coming directly from some sort of Thai ceremony where he played the role of Davy Crockett. That shirt is just blowing my mind right now. I really want it to be held together with safety pins in the back. Or may just shredded fabric. And that racoon tail. I’ve seen dudes on bikes try to rock that shit in Riverwest and they always give up after a few days. Even the shitbag/scenesters are like “you just went too far Fess Parker.”

Man, we’ve seen akshin sport styles go this way before. Gator? And what did he do? Oh yeah, he killed his girlfriend and dumped her body in the desert. This only lends credibility to my prediction as to how we can make snowboarding cool again. Check #9 it’s in there.

Ah Shit.

And where is Senor Blanco off to? To see the prez of course. Can you imagine Brobama and Blanco getting together. The ego in that room is going to be mega. They’re going to have to measure ‘em for sure.

This is how it’s going to go down.

Obama: Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf’ be messin’ mah old lady… got to be runnin’ cold upside down his head, you know?
Blanco: Hey home’, I can dig it. Know ain’t gonna lay no mo’ big rap up on you, man!
Obama: I say hey, sky… subba say I wan’ see…
Blanco: Uh-huh.
Obama: …pray to J I did the same ol’ same ol’!
Blanco: Hey… knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in’, man!
Obama: Hey, you know what they say: see a broad to get dat booty yak ‘em…
Both in unison:…leg ‘er down a smack ‘em yak ‘em!
Obama: COL’ got to be! Y’know? Shiiiiit.

True facts. Though really I could have written this whole thing in WindDings 3,  as I imagine these two wont be speaking about anything of importance.

Meanwhile, over on Sean’s Facebook page we have this mess:

Man, white folks is angry.

Follow-up: This might be part of Burton’s elaborate “Keep Snowboarding Rich and White Campaign.”