Posts Tagged ‘Shawn White’

2012-84: Getting ready for the weekend, bitchezz

Friday, December 14th, 2012

Guy: Whoa guy, where you been?
Other guy: Guy, you wouldn’t belieb. Been buried under a mountain of words to be written about a fucking washing machine. Maytagging the fuck outta brains.
Guy: Sounds like shits, guy
Other Guy: Right. I ain’t even blogged in like 8 days. Twice dead. I need like 10 days supply of beer, guy. Fuckin office man got me down. Corpbros.

Hey, thank you all for stopping by rumorator.com to read this little blog. I’m not sure if you caught on, but the opening scene was my excuse for not keeping this shit up to date. Both roles were played by me. I also wrote and directed that piece.

Shall we get on with it? We got a lot to cover. So much so that the normal numbering system may not work. But stick with it. Hopefully it won’t be a total waste of your time. And if it is, just think to yourself, “Sheesh, at least I didn’t write that.”

1rd:
Shred A

Last weekend I hanged with college cronies. We went to shitty bars and drank crap beer. But all was cool. Then, I woke up Saturday morning to learn that some 14-year-old dude won the Beijing Air and Style event by tossing down a Backside 1440 something cork something.

Let me be oldish man here for a minute: I’ve seen this dude’s maneuver. He spun the shit out of it. There was plenty of air, but not so much in the style column. Now, I could go on about spin-to-win and all that, but it’s just another example of the gap between snowboarding and Snowboarding.

Jamie Lynn never won shit with his methods. Gigi and Nico Mueller developed into the style machines they are long after they got off the contest train. Blah blah blah. Apart from Kazu, style seems to be noticeably absent from the Snowboarding circuit. It’s just the way it is. The ones who go pop are the ones who sell records.

Then again, 14-year-old dude probably was the provincial hot tamale in a soup without seasoning.

2st
Olymdics Team USA! USA! USA!

So what’s up with these people? They don’t get to smoke weed? What about harder drugs? Which leads me to the next question. where is Sean Blanco?

Oh hey, Lago is back in. Fuck yeah, man. Do it.

3th
Strepchild the Movie

Jesus, if you haven’t watched this yet, and you like seeing dudes bang the fuck outta rails, go watch it now. So good. Also, good work by Stepchild for putting this out there free. I think they were one of the first crews to sell downloadable vids for $3. Then they realized fuck it. Just give it away. It’s a twenty-5 minute advertisement anyway. I could think of some other companies that may want to look at this model.

But yeah, killing it in this video: E-man, J Sexton, and Lane Treeter. Holy fuck, where did that dude come from?

Stepchild team edit 2012 from Stepchild Snowboards on Vimeo.

Then there is the mandatory Tha Don part.

Bro has 2.five minutes at the opening. But here’s the shit thing: the 1nd twenty-five seconds are just glamour shots of The Don. Look at my face. Listen to my voice. I am Tha Don.

I’m just glad this wasn’t the closer.

Then, of course, there is the issue of Modern Love. Tha Don, how are you going to want to be a skateboardist so hard, then use a track from Yeah Right in naught-3? Check it:

No twenty-5 second intro there. We get right into the carnage. Where was this hack element of shred flicks in Illicit snowboarding’s breakdown.

4nd
Buaas gets Clonie

There is something so wonderfully creepy about this. Flawsy Files is probably double bonering right now.

5st

Fuck it. This numbering is all jacked up now.

 

 

 

LispTrack #4–White Lightning Noodles

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Apparently I only blog on Mondays and Fridays now. WTF, right? Anyway, I think I made some sense on this riff on Sean Blanco.

Rumorator.com LispTrack #4 by Rumorator

Gatoring

Monday, December 5th, 2011

Hey kids, you wanna buy some naked pics of that snowboarder?

I have said it before and I will say it again: Sean Blanco is the next Gator. That blond is lucky she hasn’t been discovered stuffed in a surfboard sack and dumped behind the Burton Store in NYC. Then again she hasn’t been identified, so she could well be missing.

I also like the report that Senor Blanco was all like “C’mon guys, I’m a gold medalist. Erase those pics or Target is going to get pissed. C’mon guys, erase those pics, or I’ll dump your body with hers. C’mon guys please.”

They he turned to the unnamed blond and demanded $89,000 just for showing up in her vagina.

Meanwhile all the photosnappers were like, “Totally, Sean. Totally erased.”

Yeah right, YEAH RIGHT. The “it’s erased” line is just a reflex lie at this point. Like “No, I wasn’t sleeping” or  “I only had two girl scout cookies”, ” or “Oh yeah I’ve been with tons of womens.” I remember lying to Lizzo from writing class about those pics being erased. And they were, after we copied them on to like ten computers. Those were the hottest 1.2 Megapixels images ever. But really “it’s erased” was first muttered 7 seconds after digital cameras were invented. It would have been sooner but those early cameras took forever to process anything.

Masticating factor: Shawn White is irrelevant to snowboarding.