Posts Tagged ‘shayboarder’

2012-82: The December That Isn’t, Yet

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012


At least we didn’t have to break out the lighter fluid. I don’t know if that shit happens in other places, or if it’s just some Tyrone’s Basement anomaly. But it happens every year.

By late March, the local ski-knoll has rags and jugs of lighter fluid for anyone to use at the bottom of the hill. You see, the snow is melting down, and half of it is artificial anyway, so the snow filthy. That filth collects on your base and after two or three runs it’s like trying to ride on Velcro hook-and-loop fabrics. The lighter fluid strips the filth from your base, and I’m pretty sure it destroys the base as well.

And people do this with complete disregard for the amount of lighter fluid being dumped directly on the ground, their gear, and their exposed skin. Sheeeit. In oh-six I saw a dude, trying to light a cig, go up in flames after using this method. Everyone just let him burn down to ash.

Rulezizrulez and we were trying

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to grasp the last gasps of winter.

But none of that happened this weekend. Even though it was pushing 50 degrees on Saturday. It also rained. A lot. We still rode. Even tried a few tricks. Then we stood in the rain and drank parking lot beers. Fuck man, it was near perfect. Sure the entire knoll wasn’t even open yet, and there were only a few rails, one jump and the light was flat as that girl you dated in college

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when you were on that “boobs don’t matter” bender. And it was nearly a downpour. None of that mattered. It was still snowboarding. It was rad.

Also, at the risk of shayboarderism: I was kept very dry by to my Holden Durden pants and my super old AK Gore-Tex XCR coat. Thanks to those companies for making good products. But Holden, maybe you guys could work on making buttons that stay on the garments for longer than 25 minutes.

Social Medium

There is something wonderful about this tweet:

GingSTEELE is enetz radness for sure. Part-shred mama. Full-time mama. Pretty stoked she’s back on the tweets. Buttfuck, get with that tweet. That thing is heavy. The story she is telling is way bigger than 140 characters. The language is great. Such suspense—WILL SHE BE ABLE TO DO IT? I’m gonna read that tweet like 30 more times.

That NdGT tweet above GingSTEELE’s is solid as well.

I’m a Writer

You guys remember when I got a degree in Creative Writing? You guys remember when I got wait-listed at the University of Arkansas-Fayetteville and rejected from a grip of other top graduate schools in the country?

Yeah, those were good times.

But now, after all those years of fretting over unrecognized genius, self aggrandizing bloggery, and realignment of life dreams, Simon & Schuster has decided to enter the game of self-publishing.

I don’t want to brag,

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but I’m about to become one of the most prolific writers of 2013. You should probably plan on buying such future classics as:

  • Ten Days to Financial Dependency
  • Teddy Roosevelt: An Autobiography
  • After the Aftermath: The Story of How America Forgot About Dre
  • On The Road II
  • Pagan Wood and the New Europe: The Forests of the American Upper Midwest as a Apt Simulacrum of Colonial New England and The Relations to Darkness
  • Dinosaurs: The Book of Dinosaurs
  • Land of The Rising Sun: Teaching Your Preteen Children About Extreme Porno
  • Milkfist
  • Mamma Mia: The Best of My 2012 Olive Garden Fan Fiction
  • On The Road III

I’ll let you know when that shit hits

The Heir Apparent in Snowboard Bloggins

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

Blogger formerly known as Shayboarder

Maybe you haven’t heard yet. Maybe you don’t have your ear to the ground. But ol’ Rumorator does, and I can tell you a couple things. First off, the Sioux are coming. About a hundred of them. On horses. Secondly, it seems our fellow blogger and part time nemesis, Shayboarder, is leaving her post.

She’s heading off to do some social media guru-izing at Windell’s Summer Shrad Sleep-a-way Camp. Well I took college algebra a couple of times, so I can do the math on this one. I’m seeing a serious fall-off in Shay’s bloggins. I’m guessing 90% of her blogs are going to read like this, “Calvin, from Minneapolis, pissed his bed last night, but it’s cool because he still rides better than you.”

Pffft. That ain’t what the blogdoggers of the world want to read. They’re out there sitting at their computers, with their pants at their ankles, looking to read some grown shit. So when it comes to Shrad Blogs that leaves like three choices—Rumorator, Heiligenschein or ChimichangasAndSlush. I mean, yeah, there are other bloggermans and bloggermamas out there but if you want the grit you know where you go. I’m not gonna deny that Shay will still be presenting some facts about bedwetters and heavy shredders, but if you wanna get the filth between the lines, is going to be giving it to you. The real people want the shradfacts run through the interpretation machine. Factors need mitigating.

So what I’m going to do is hang out and wait for Shayboarder to slide her contact list over my way. Then she can call all of her peoples and be like “My shred bloggins games is done, so you’re probably going to want to talk with Rumorator. Also that kid right there. (points to the little kid sitting above that double kink)Yeah him. He pissed his bed last night.”

Of course this does mean an end to the hide-n-seek Shayboarder product give-a-ways, as anything I get Imma flip on ebay for coke money. But I do promise if you find me, Imma give you an overwhelming sense of disappointment and a feeling similar to what you felt when you finished reading Last Exit to Brooklyn. If you want a hint, look for me in back room of asian grocery stores. If you thought The Deer Hunter was edgy, man you haven’t seen nothing. That shit was 40 years ago. Deniro, Walken, They can’t dangle on what happens stateside these days.

Well, maybe they could because they’re big readers of this bloggins right here.

Fuck, broder, this shit is way bigger than just the shrad game.

Still, I was brought up as a shrad blogger, and forever a shrad blogger I shall be. Sure you’re going to see some shit that might not let you sleep well over in this corner of the cybernets, but that’s the way the tubes was meant to work. Levelling up.

But to bring it full circle. Shay’s getting more grown up-ish and I think it’s time you did as well. So stop getting your fix from the hackwork and turn to the obvious choice. I can see you’ve already found it.

Edit: It seems that Laurent Potdevin is out over at Burton. LP and and Shayboarder splitting on the same day. I’m smelling conspiracy. That right there is

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seeing the big picture.

Addendum: Don’t even tell me you never finished reading Last Exit to Brooklyn, only to find yourself not wanting to get out of bed for like a week.