Posts Tagged ‘Simon and Schuster Self Publishing’

2012-82: The December That Isn’t, Yet

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

!st
Snowboardering

At least we didn’t have to break out the lighter fluid. I don’t know if that shit happens in other places, or if it’s just some Tyrone’s Basement anomaly. But it happens every year.

By late March, the local ski-knoll has rags and jugs of lighter fluid for anyone to use at the bottom of the hill. You see, the snow is melting down, and half of it is artificial anyway, so the snow filthy. That filth collects on your base and after two or three runs it’s like trying to ride on Velcro hook-and-loop fabrics. The lighter fluid strips the filth from your base, and I’m pretty sure it destroys the base as well.

And people do this with complete disregard for the amount of lighter fluid being dumped directly on the ground, their gear, and their exposed skin. Sheeeit. In oh-six I saw a dude, trying to light a cig, go up in flames after using this method. Everyone just let him burn down to ash.

Rulezizrulez and we were trying to grasp the last gasps of winter.

But none of that happened this weekend. Even though it was pushing 50 degrees on Saturday. It also rained. A lot. We still rode. Even tried a few tricks. Then we stood in the rain and drank parking lot beers. Fuck man, it was near perfect. Sure the entire knoll wasn’t even open yet, and there were only a few rails, one jump and the light was flat as that girl you dated in college when you were on that “boobs don’t matter” bender. And it was nearly a downpour. None of that mattered. It was still snowboarding.  It was rad.

Also, at the risk of shayboarderism: I was kept very dry by to my Holden Durden pants and my super old AK Gore-Tex XCR coat.  Thanks to those companies for making good products. But Holden, maybe you guys could work on making buttons that stay on the garments for longer than 25 minutes.

 @nd
Social Medium

There is something wonderful about this tweet:

GingSTEELE is enetz radness for sure. Part-shred mama. Full-time mama. Pretty stoked she’s back on the tweets. Buttfuck, get with that tweet. That thing is heavy. The story she is telling is way bigger than 140 characters.  The language is great. Such suspense—WILL SHE BE ABLE TO DO IT? I’m gonna read that tweet like 30 more times.

That NdGT tweet above GingSTEELE’s is solid as well.

#rd
I’m a Writer

You guys remember when I got a degree in Creative Writing? You guys remember when I got wait-listed at the University of Arkansas-Fayetteville and rejected from a grip of other top graduate schools in the country?

Yeah, those were good times.

But now, after all those years of fretting over unrecognized genius, self aggrandizing bloggery, and realignment of life dreams, Simon & Schuster has decided to enter the game of self-publishing.

I don’t want to brag, but I’m about to become one of the most prolific writers of 2013. You should probably plan on buying such future classics as:

  • Ten Days to Financial Dependency
  • Teddy Roosevelt: An Autobiography
  • After the Aftermath: The Story of How America Forgot About Dre
  • On The Road II
  • Pagan Wood and the New Europe: The Forests of the American Upper Midwest as a Apt Simulacrum of Colonial New England and The Relations to Darkness
  • Dinosaurs: The Book of Dinosaurs
  • Land of The Rising Sun: Teaching Your Preteen Children About Extreme Porno
  • Milkfist
  • Mamma Mia: The Best of My 2012 Olive Garden Fan Fiction
  • On The Road III

I’ll let you know when that shit hits JeffBezos.com