Posts Tagged ‘snowboardering’

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File under: Things not really needed

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

I’m not someone who’s opposed to doing something just for the sake of doing it. You need to remember that I once bought two ASIMO robots simply to stage chariot races. Only to find out the ASIMO Harness League doesn’t really exist. I also built a Tesla coil in my backyard, but the city shut it down. The iron fist of Edison still exists. Be afraid ‘merica.  I’ve also been credited with inventing vegetables.

Certainly you understand I am no stranger to the superfluousness, but sometimes we as a species just go to far.

por ejemplo:

FRAMES -snowboarding shortfilm teaser from Flatlight Films on Vimeo.

We DO NOT need a slower snowboarding video. What we need is a shrad flick that can keep me awake for more than seven minutes.

Then again maybe this is in a whole different class of videos, and needs to be enjoyed for the simple fact that high-speed cameras make it look pretty cool.  It’ll be like when Audi got kicked out of rally racing.

Or better yet they should market it as “The Snowboardingest Slow Movie Ever!” because really, the high-speed cameras are the star of this show. And I don’t think anyone can take the crown of “Slowest” from Standard Films.

Just looking at their website put me to sleep. This post was supposed to go up yesterday, but I was comatose.

Some other things I would like to do in life, just to say I did it:

  • Whaling.
  • Conquer Mario 2
  • Own a megaphone
  • Prepare a Thai meal that doesn’t turn out garbage barged.
  • Aubrey Plaza
  • Marijuana topiaries of classic scenes from Richard Donner films

In Other News

Illegalnadian Broder

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Posted in Listed, snowboardering | 2 Comments »

Like the Salmon of Capistrano

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

I can’t believe a year has already passed since we last had to face this shit. None the less, it’s back. And there is even more  mind-blowing counting-to-potato then ever.

Let’s watch:

Now we’re going to go through this one together. Remember to turn the page when you hear the magic magnet chime.

  1. “Magic in the air. Comradery (camaraderie?), family, love”–C’mon really. This is how you follow up calling magnets miracles? Fuck, boss. I’ve been to music festivals and they always suck 4 hours into them, after you see your high school art teacher drunk and fighting kids younger than you in “the pit.” jocko/juggalo. Same mentality.
  2. You’ll meet people from everywhere which includes Minnesota, Connecticut, and Nova Scotia? Sounds like there are going to be a lot of white folks there.
  3. “You’ll Probably get laid.” I’m pretty sure Mel Gibson just got in heaps of trouble for essentially saying the same thing to his  girlie. Okay maybe he had a different inflection in his voice, but you get the picture.
  4. “The one and only Awesome Dre” sheeeeeeeeeit. I promise you he did not get that name anywhere but the internets. I can also give you at least six reasons I don’t think DUDE is awesome.
  5. SUGAR SLAM IS BACK! looking a bit more haggard and taking up a little more room on that car seat. If you know what I’m saying.
  6. An ode to the Wild Wild West, with no mention of Dru Hill or the Fresh Prince?
  7. “Smash through the glass as the fireworks blast.” Don’t worry there is only 16 minutes left. WOOP WOOP!
  8. Psycopathic Rydas RYDAS! Don’t give up now. Stay with me. Something makes me suspect these guys write their own music.
  9. Blaze Ya Dead Homie, doesn’t seem very dead to me. Then again I don’t think Juggalos are to be trusted with their “your/you’re” usage.
  10. Boondox such a pseudonym seems rather unrelated to being a scarecrow. Not a lot of farming going on in the Boondocks.
  11. Anybody Killa I think this might be Greg Machotka’s rapping pseudonym. Sounds like him anyway. Lispy fucker. Actually I bet GM could do better rapping. This is so shitty.
  12. No one has been talking about the Dayton Family.
  13. Naughty By Nature, Method Man and Redman. And we’re just getting warmed up! Method Man is to WuTang Clan as  David Lee Roth is to Van Halen.
  14. Tom Green is still alive. I guess that’s a good thing. Also, he slept with Drew Barrymore.
  15. Gallagher, because it seems Tom Green isn’t past-his-prime enough. Juggalos, maybe your parents will come along. You can all paint up your faces together.
  16. “He does have good dick jokes.” At this point Sugar Slam pretty much knows she’s getting laid at the end of this infomercial, whether she wants it or not.
  17. Brotha Lynch Hung wishes he was from Fillmore or Vallejo. Guaranteed.
  18. Enormous heroes Sounds like a couple of fat dudes. I would rather see Down By Law.
  19. Warren G obviously had some influence in the videos made by this lot.
  20. Ladies Night on the second stage. Because they are second class citizens? Nope. Because there will only be like 25 females in attendance. Probably a fair amount of swervin’ going on though. Same thing, right?
  21. Afroman and Coolio will be there. Kevin Smith and Michelle Pfeiffer will not.
  22. For real, there seems to be an overweight white guy theme all over this.
  23. And I do mean everything. Get this dude an Oscar!
  24. Good to see they have helicopter rides again this year, and even used the same piece of stock footage.
  25. The Alfred Hitchcock of Hiphop Hmmm, so you’re  saying he white and overweight too?
  26. Fuck that midget has a head like a Beluga Whale.
  27. Bubble Foam Party Again you’re probably going to get laid.
  28. Dammit They just said Milwaukee.
  29. Wrestling
  30. Something about a movie
  31. Tickets available at Hot Topic. Obviously

Huge thanks to Cizarek Leopold Kilbaski for bringing this to my attention.

Okay, if you hung out through that let me try to make things a little bit better for you. Nowhere is coming.

I just hope they don’t put any music from The Who in it this year.

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Posted in A Very Special Rumorator, I watch too much TV, snowboardering | 6 Comments »

Requiem for a Tumbler and a couple other things

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

Damn, what was it? Four years ago?

To be honest, I can’t even remember how this tumbler came into my possession. I think I had a choice between this and some hat that certainly wasn’t going to fit on my head, so I took the tumbler. I was shacked up in a condo will way too many shreds, and my homey James, who works for Backcountry/Huck-n-Roll, dropped this  bad boy  on me.  It was in a lot better shape then. No dents and the grippy rubber strips weren’t peeling off. And had the Backcountry logo on it for a long time too. But I’m a fan of a good mug so I held onto this beast.

I drank up some coffee outta this guy everyday, for at least two years straight. Sadly the foam bottom started peeling off recently, and then it was just a matter of time before before the shit completely ripped off during a washing. Now, I can’t have the hole in the bottom filling up with water and getting all gross. That’s an ironic statement considering the condition the part of Tumbler I actually put my mouth on and drink from.

Tumbler will be put in the garbage sometime this afternoon. R.I.P. old friend.

Moving on:

The Wicked Smahts of Facebook

This popped up on my facebook account the other day. The brain power behind facebook is out of hand.

Surfing: Many people who like snowboarding also like this.
Music: many people who like reading also like this.

Might I also suggest these pairings:

  • Drinking: many people who like eating also like this.
  • Misogyny: many people who like whores also like this.
  • The Tea Party Movement: Many people who like racism also like this.
  • Butt Sex: Many people who like rumorator.com also like this.
  • Crying alone: Many people who like Cosplay also like this.

Geniusary.

One last thing

Want to learn to snowboard, and laugh at the Milwaukee suburbs? Here’s the easy way:

MADE – MTV Shows

To make it even easier on yourself, just skip to the last 2 minutes and laugh at the announcer with a lisp. Dude had to get subtitled. Sucker.

(also it’s way easier to watch it by clicking here)

SHOUT OUT! to MTV for keeping low-res alive.

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Posted in I watch too much TV, Milwaukee Radification Project., snowboardering | 3 Comments »

MegaEaterWeekend

Monday, June 7th, 2010

Still Stuffed.

I’m 90 percent sure I ate my weight in foods this weekend. But it was my birthday weekend, so that cool right? Whatever, fatty.

Okay here goes.

Started the weekend off with Coa. Good restaurant with a really crappy setting. By that I mean it’s in the suburbs, connect to a mall. But at least it’s not some chain joint. I mean, really if I wanted chain eats I’m sure there were seven Olive Gardens and 13 Chili’s within a five-miles radius.  It is the suburbs after all.

I had the pastor it was good. Pork Count: 1

Friday birthday dinner, fattened up at the Pasta Tree. Having never been there, I was delightfully impressed. Our waiter was killing it all night. Solid dude, I never got his name but he seemed legit. I ate up some antipasto action and followed it with a carbonara with the godzilla-est pieces of bacon in the sauce. Deathgrip on that shit. YOU CANNOT STOP!

Even more amazing that the food was the couple the came out of the alley and sat at the end table on the patio. And they sat side by side, looking out over everyone who was eating.  And this was not a romantic side by side, more like Rhianna and Jay-Z running that town, but on  a smaller scale. The lady had a dog with her and looked like her name might have been Super-Ital.  Meanwhile over my shoulder was some yellow girl. DJ tan-errific. Pork count: 2

Saturday I headed out to Maxie’s Southern Comfort. Landed with a gimlet made of Hendrick’s Gin and muddled Cucumber. I think I might be drinking these the rest of the summer. I don’t even know why I order food in this place. I could simply live off the cornbread. But no, I ordered what turned out to be 15 pounds of pulled pork. So good. the right amount of heat and accompanied by some killer baked beans. I think I took 9 pounds of food home from that joint. Pork count: 3

After dinner I caught up with Keef Love and took his money playing cee-lo like a proper gentleman. Then gave a lot of it up to some other dude named Joey. Washed it all down with Moscow Mules. I took a picture of my cash, but lost it in the stupid-ass blackberry update. Now my phone doesn’t recognize my memory card, so all my hard work of sexting with delivery driver from #1 Chinese Food is for not.

Sunday I ate left-overs that pushed my pork count to about 25 and watched Inglorious Basterds which kind of made me feel guilty about all the pork.

Then I woke up on Today and saw this drift through the twitter trough:

The Triple Cork from torstein horgmo on Vimeo.

So I’m pretty sure that means snowboarding is just getting-the-fuck-out-of-hand. Time to hang it boys, time to hang it up.

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Posted in Akshin sports, Milwaukee Radification Project. | 1 Comment »

The Shakedown of the Breakdown

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

There is a slight possibility it might be time to wear shorts here in brew city. That’s good, but it’s not what’s important. We need to stay focussed on the fact that May is National Asian American Heritage Month.

This also means it’s time for me to re-examine my “Asians I Know” list.

  • Oyama—Still asian, and I still know her, so she’s all good.
  • Lorene—Ahhh! see this one was a trick, West Asian!
  • Some dude named Charlie.
  • Photek—That harsh MFer.
  • Watts—Forget it, she’s canadian.
  • And I once helped Nam Tran get his release signed so he could ride The Dark Territory at Winter Park. I’m going to count that.

In other goings-ons:

It seems like Katie and Chelsey might be some people I want to hang with.

It’s too bad they don’t seem stoked on recycling. John Denver’s corpse just shed a tear.

Are people still talking about snowboarding?
I guess so, but the season’s wrapping up. It’s like the end of summer camp for everyone whose season didn’t end in like, March. I hope you all got to see that one smokin’ ass counselor naked at least once.

I copped these sappy-ass vids  from Yobeat. Obviously.

I need to hook up with SASS and get my ass to Chile.

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Posted in Milwaukee Radification Project. | No Comments »

R.I.P. Ink Machine

Monday, March 29th, 2010

It happened mid-sentence yesterday. I was writing a letter and it just faded away.

Much the way Grampa vR did. I was very young and we were playing  in the garden. He had also just carved some fangs out an orange peel and was chasing me around. Then he just fell over.  Next thing I remember was some family party on the shores of Lake Tahoe.

But back to the matter at hand. Pretty much the best pen in the world fizzled out on me yesterday. This was the pen that that took notes during the 2008 Vans’ Cup at Tahoe. This was the pen that I thiefed from the desk of Kyle with bad posture. It was still in the box, unused in those days. This is the pen that was used to draw a mustache on a picture of Sean Blanco.  This is the pen that signed the slip for the rental suburban that I was stuck in for four hours while driving through Donner Pass.

But really it’s not often you get to use a good pen to the end. So often they get taken, lost, sent through the laundry. It’ s like finishing a tube of lip balm, or a notebook. In the end it’s sad to see it go, but eventually everything has to end. Now I’m on to a Uni-Ball Signo 0.7 in blue.

It was a good run. Just me and the Tul.

Godspeed old friend.

Visiting hours will be  from 3-6pm today at the garbage can in my kitchen. After that I’m going to cover Tul with the stuffed peppers I’ve been meaning to throw out for a few days now.

Also: LINK

In other news

We slushboarded for exactly 6 runs the other day. Then almost grilled some meat and had a season-ender at Tyrol Basin. It was rather depressing. We did drink 24 for cans of Old Style though. That was pretty rad.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Snowboarding and the Public Perception. Part 2: Go Badgers!

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Last weekend I was lounging about, sipping on a Pimm’s Cup, and settling in to the Spring 2010 issue of On Wisconsin. I wanted to count the photos featuring people with beards. But I was like 6 pages in when I came upon this photo meganess:

My first reaction was “Well, BindingmanBloggerman is going to be pleased. That’s a Capita deck.” My second thought was, “It sucks to be the dude crashing in that pic.” It looks like if he did hit one of those features, he rode out of it, only to sit down before he ran out of snow. But somehow this is the image—him slipping out—that lands in the alumni mag. Dude’s pist.

Then, to make it even radder we get a little blurb in the corner. Check the wrong-up:

It seems that what we have here is:

  • Phat air
  • Freeriding
  • Writers without a clue
  • A snowboarding event called the Rail Jam
  • Tough sledding for the pros, like Peter Limberg
  • Grommets who cratered to liptricks
  • Photo claimed by Jeff Miller. Write-up goes unclaimed.

Seriously, Madison, I love you but just stick to the isthmus jokes. I think the editorial staff of On Wisconsin should issue an apology to their readers for this installment of “Scene.” And Peter Limberg should get some sort of tuition reimbursement.  This whole ordeal was painful. And now all those dudes from the class of ‘72 are writing in, because they have sacrificed anyone close to themselves for success, to boast about their greatest acheivements in life can now reassure themselves, “Oh, I saw this snowboarding bullshit in the Olympics. That Sean Blanco kid has good Badger hair, but it’s all a little too wild if you ask me. Did you see what the Scott Lagos kid did with his medal?”

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Posted in Akshin sports, snowboardering | No Comments »

This kid is good

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

For real, he is.

Get more over at Yobeat.

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Posted in Akshin sports | No Comments »

Closet Cleanout Karma

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010


A few months ago I scored up a free jacket from Chappy at Porter’s Tahoe. It was slick. The Volcom Iceman jacket. Certainly a solid piece. I wore that thing a lot this winter. With a little bit of layering underneath, it was plenty warm for the Wisco nighttime shrad sessions. Kind of changed my mind about Volcom gear too. But the most important part is that I got it for free. Big thanks to Chappy.

It also added to my harem of jackets, which was pushing 10 coats at that time. Perhaps my priorities were a touch off.

Fast forward to last Friday night, I was out doing some shradding at the almost-local ski hill. It was the end of the evening, and as most people in the Midwest know, pretty much the end of the season. We were taking advantage of the one of the last nights and just screwing about. Then I see some kid out riding and pushing the best looking pair of pants to come out this year.

Naturally I’s like “Those is some sick pantaloons you’re wearing, senor.” Turns out kid was a lady.

So she’s going off about how she dropped a load on the pants and now she has nothing to match up with them. She was going to have to drop a whole other dump of cash to get the matching jacket. And I was thinking  two things. First off, sistah soldier, you don’t want to be rolling in a same print top and bottom. Secondly, I understand where you are coming from as I have been in such a predicament.  Big B is going to kill you with a print like this then leave you with limited pairing options. That’s how they get you!

And somewhere in that conversation karma kicked in and I said, “Kid you need this coat. I will trade you straight up for that filth rag you are trying to match to the proper pants.” She was all hesitant at first but I assured her I got the coat for free and it was really not a big loss for me. The catch was I got to take her beat, old jacket for bloggerman purposes. Because I knew I would have to document this to get approval from the bloggermanreadership out there.

I only wish there was a way you could feel through the screen because this jacket is disgusting. The shell is like hazmat protection thick and, well, it’s really dirty too.

 

I’m pretty sure the girl was hyped on getting a coat handed to her for free. And I was  pleased knowing that I have cut down the parka stable by one and passed on the goodwill I was lucky enough to have handed to me. I guess the moral of the story is as snowboarders we’re  a pretty fortunate bunch. If you get something for free, pass on the good karma.

As for this coat, I’m going tie a brick in the sleeve and toss it in the lake.

2011 product preview

It seems Burton has finally perfected those magnetic bindings, as evidenced by this photo:

Can’t wait to kickflip the shit out of boards.
Also for those not in the know, you probably won’t be getting that jacket from Sierra Ski and Patio Superstore.

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Posted in A Very Special Rumorator | No Comments »

Adieu hiver, la neige au revoir

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Well, that about wraps it up for Winter here in Wisconsin. We’ve got a forecast putting us in the 40-50s all week with rain coming down and the snow just going away. Soon enough we’ll be putting away the shrad decks and pulling out skateboards. Flipping the Quelque Chose for the Ephemere, with maybe just a stop over at La Fin du Monde. Getting back on the bikes and such.

But first, we’ve got at least one more weekend to make it through before we can call winter deaded. Devil’s Head Resort has it’s annual Picnic In the Park coming up thanks to the Red Bull ButterCup and a host of other sponsors through The Empire Collective. Sounds like there will be a pretty big crew up there, so if you like slush boarding and drinking your beer out of tall cans I  suggest you get yourself to Devils Head for the weekend.

Also in relatively rad news, it seems Joey Sexton is going to be in the house hyping up his new Stepchild deck, so that’s a plus. A moment of truth right here: I’m a fucking Joe Sexton fan-boy. No doubt the guy is like a million years younger than me and he’s from Minnesota but still you cannot doubt his radness. I once took a photo of him during the Vans Cup at Tahoe. End of story. Granted this won’t be as big as the time Hadar walked into the party I was at, not that she talked to me but whatever, it’ll be a good time. Maybe I’ll give you a sticker if you come talk to me. I’ll be the one in the hover-round.

And just to calm everyone’s nerves, I suspect there’s only a 50% chance of a chairlift malfunction this weekend. But who really uses those lifts anyway?

I also got some serious shrad time in this past weekend. In Wisconsin we don’t get much in the way of Powder days so we’re really just waiting for the slush-slashing to start. And it was on in full force this weekend. Nothing better than landing and hearing that “SPLOOSH” sound. Not that my board ever leaves the snow.

But what had me really stokering-out was the kids getting their shrad on out there. It was just two years ago that my homey Nate showed up to the Tyrol Basin Spring  Jam in a proper suit and some young snowthugs were busting on him. KNOW YOUR ROOTS, KIDS. Hetzel, Duckboy, all the old-time shreds rocked a suit when it was appropriate. And like 15years later kids are already missing it. Thinking about how hard they gotta look because the shrad is no joke. Whatever kid. Snowboarding is redumbulous. Fuck around with it. ANYWAY I saw one dude ripping in a sport coat and another coming with a heavy perv under his trench coat. I’ve got mega respect for those kids.

I think I have all my gear for next year figured out.

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Posted in Akshin sports, snowboardering | 2 Comments »

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