1th Smells like inaccuracy

Everyone knows that Switzerland is a direct democracy. That’s not freedom. Freedom is a Constitutional Republic. I mean the Switzerlanders are money-hiders and watchmakers and socialist. So socialist in fact, I bet that Commie Pinko bastard, G Machots is getting wild over them. They probably don’t even vote.

Next time I buy a deodorant scented like freedom, I had damn well better be able to pop the cap off, take a deep breath and suck in the scent of rusted-out factories, pissy alleyways, and some good mood food.

2st Asia Born

I got to catch Lyrics Born play the Orton Park Festival. It was cool for several reasons. It was outside. It was dark. There were $4 Labatt Blues. It was free.

The show was really quite good. LB is fucking steady. He puts on a wicked show with mega-energy just radiating from he and Joyo on the stage.  I think people nearby may even testify to having seen old Rumorator give the show a little Ka-lang-a-lang. But none of them can prove this.

My favorite part of the show was seeing the banners on the stage he was performing on. I suspect he must have taken one look at it and thought “ Heartland CU! These dudes know how to party!”

3nd

Winter is coming. So is the new Holden line. I hope.

4rd

You got one of these rigs?

You should. It fucking eliminated everything. Food Processor? It’s got’s that attachment. Blender? Gonezo. Coffee Grinder? Now used specifically for weed. Toaster? Fuck that thing. Fleshlight? You gotta live on the edge sometimes.

Seriously get one. I’ve been a smoothie machine because of it. Also puree-ing kohlrabi, carrots, beets and the list goes on. I’m drinking more liquified foods than your gramma with no teeth. For real, get one.

BONUS!

If you’re on the twitters you might want to follow BonIverBlows. The dude is pissed up about music.

I was wrong.

Which leads me to item number one: If we are now in a heightened state of a terrorism warning, weren’t we better off with this boogey man alive. I’m not saying that the dude deserved to have a happy life with a harem of middle eastern whores taking care of him. But what did we gain by assassinating him? We’re still burdened with the Patriot Act, the TSA, and the legacy of two Bush-Cheney terms.

Then we also got deal with crowds of people out in the street chanting “USA USA!” Consider this: If anyone of those crowds would have had Bin Laden’s body, what would have the scene looked like? Would the people be body passing the corpse, ripping the clothes off and waiting for him to land on the ground so they could spit and piss all over it?  That seems way too much like what has been done to the bodies of American soldiers by the crowds in the countries our military is occupying. We are trained to believe the people of the middle east are savages and we need to make their lives better. But it seems the only difference is our crowds are lacking a corpse to desecrate.

I keep thinking that people are better than this, but humanity keeps letting me down.

Part 2: New tunes

Get with this pleasant sound coming out of Minneapolis:
Edmund by fatheryouseequeen

C’mon, the band’s name is Father You See Queen. I can get down with this.

In other music notes. The new Beastie Boys album is out today. You should probably all get it. If for no other reason than it’s the Beastie Boys. Go get it now.

Part 26.1

I was up in the northland this weekend because my friends EDK and Hinx were running a marathon. So much respect to them. In all honesty I watched the crowd of 1800 take off and never once saw them. I also had to duck out before they finished. What I did see was people who could barely walk, crossing a finish line. Including one  dude who had to squat down and walk across the finish backwards. Why would people do that to themselves? Weirdos.

I saw their kids too. Rad kids for sure.
I also ingested two of the worst cappuccinos ever. It seems people from the norf don’t know how to pull espresso shots.

I also gave a dollar to this Riverwest looking broad:

All she told me was, “You’re fucked.” At least when the Chinese tell me that, I get a cookie to chomp on.

Fuck a roof rack:

I took this photo at 80mph.

I’m going to let you decide what caption to give this nest image, but I’m giving three examples to get you started:

1. This is where we keep the horses.
2. Last time I saw something like this I woke up with it in my bed.
3. They used to have another very similar to this, but it was a full length one of Solo.

Part 4: Snowboarding

I thought for sure Volcom being sold to the parent company of Gucci was going to be the biggest news in snowboarding yesterday. Then I saw this:

Fuck. Good god.

I’m pretty sure the pants shown at 3:58 are what Keylo wears to summer shows at Alpine.

Part 5

Speaking of Keylo, check out the new shirts the boys just put out.

They actually put out a whole new spring line-up, I just happen to like this one the most. Check ‘em out and order ‘em up here

So co-host and I were talking to some other guys who have played a bit of pinball in their day. And everyone is telling us two things: ArtBar is has a sweet Indiana Jones game and Thurmon’s has Batman.

Here’s the thing: I don’t go deep enough into Riverwest to hit ArtBar. So it seemed like Thurman’s was a good choice. But everyone keep saying things to us like, “Oh yeah, they have pinball in the back, where people go to smoke herb. You guys get high?” or “Oh yeah, Thurman’s. There will probably be a couple of guys smoking weed on the pinball machines.”

So we head over to Thurmon’s. Walking in we are greeted by a huge mural of Jerry Garcia. This is my first clue that this place isn’t named after Buffalo Bills’ superstar running back Thurman Thomas. We made our way to the back of the bar where the Batman machine was. And what the fuck do you know? There are two dudes smoking grass back there. Shit. The whole place smelled like that sweater I used to wear in college.

We didn’t stick around.

Instead we made our way to Landmark and ran the circuit.

Shayboarder’s Rumorator’s Honesty Box: Nightmare on Elmstreet pinball is garbage barge. A functioning Lord of the Rings game is top notch. Batman and Indiana Jones are somewhere in the top 5 as well.

Part 2:

NWBROWHETHER is claiming he’d do nothing but ride u-tubes, if there where was one in all of Warshington State. Go tell him what you think here.

Part 3:

Whistler is only 14 days away.

Word around town is that The Dirtbag Crew is gonna be slaying urban rails.
Forget it gents. File under highly unlikely. All those rails is gonna be buried. That’s what this blizzard is dumping on us. Sell your marlboros and car insurance. The elderly are gonna be fucked.

Word around town is that Jesus built this rapper:

The weather-freaker-outers are saying possibly 20 inches. I’ll be pleased with half of that. Granted there is a cold-ass Thursday  in the mix but it’s Wisconsin. Buck up, kid.

Addendum #1

Snowboarder Mag uses silly embaed codes so i can’t drop it in here, but  you should check out this video.

Fuck your Hootie and the Blowfish tracks.

I would have never guessed this crap was public domain already.

Addendum #2

It’s coming, bitches.

Bonus Image: Ghost of Rumorator!

I’m probably going to do some snowboarding this evening. It seems like a fitting way to spend the night. I deserve this. Right?

Furreal, I do. I put in some serious work this week. Got the brain back to playing weight. Just in time too. I tossed down a fucking steel cage match yesterday. Endurance. Like 18 fucking hours. At one point the ref came in, lifted my hand, and it fell back to the mat. Then he did it again. And it fell again. He dropped it for the third time and it started to fall. Then it stopped and one finger stood erect, waved back and forth and sent the crowd into a goddamn frenzy. From that point on it was all Rumorator. Just kicking ass.

MEANWHILE

In Europe this weekend Kazu Kokubo will be winning contests and doing those mctwists that make Terry Hackenson jealous. Someone on the inside told me this.

As a-man says, all contests are rigged anyway.

Nonbeliever? Seriously. Japan.

If I were a contest judge and Kazu just one-hit the pipe and put down his mctwist. I would have him marked as the leader. And not just for that contest, I would give him first place in the previous two events and the next three. I’d even giving him a 2nd in the 2004 US Open. RETROACTIVE!

MEANWHILE

Jockville has some football games to deal with this weekend. And  I want the citizens to deal with this:

We’re backing the Pack and Seakkle. Which should make it a very confusing championship game for former wiscozzie and current seakkalite, Ependergrast.

There could be some more skulls in that Clay Matthews video though.

MEANWHILST

Lexus produced this video and I picked it up from Boardistan.

It’s a little long and that new car looks rather silly, but the ending is just awesome. Whitney Cummings (porno name) blobviously knew exactly when her union benefits kicked in.

“500 hours? Sweet. Now I can get my herpes med for just a co-pay”

Steve Berra looks like old balls.

As of late I’ve been huckstering some product, trying to convince people that mustaches are a good thing and should be celebrated. On the inside, I regard a mustache as the sign of someone not to be trusted. A rogue. A scoundrel. A  ne’er-do-well. A knave. A shitbag. This is very similar to the feelings I get when women tell me they have to be up early on Sunday morning to morning. I kinda want to ask, “You’re kidding, right?” Man, if I knew it was going to be that kind of party, I would have never even let you in.

I’ll keep you posted on this.

Pagina dos:

Somebody is putting their hands up for Detroit:

Look at that car, MFer, and tell me my city doesn’t get gritty. Sheeeeeeitttttttt! Even the Silver Spurt is looking more like a Hazy Shade of Winter. And if the Spurt is Simon and Garfunkel, this rig must be Procol Harem.

Pagina Tres:

Art (not Garfunkel)

Pagina Cuatro:

Jocks: If there is a Seakkle vs Green’s Bay NFC championship I will challenge A Man to a Blogger Championship.  Man, I feel like Ted Dibiase issuing that kind of challenge. HOGAN!

Johnny Five:

I haven’t been out on the shrad but for one day this year. However, I’ve been at the bike park twice in the past week. You figure it out.

]]> http://rumorator.com/2011/01/the-whats-what/feed/ 1 http://rumorator.com/2010/11/ancient-times/ http://rumorator.com/2010/11/ancient-times/#comments Tue, 30 Nov 2010 21:52:03 +0000 rumorator http://rumorator.com/?p=1144 Loveland Pass

And this is how it was if you were from the midwest in the mid 90s. Everyone had Burton decks except that far out kid on the end. I still have that Rippey hanging out in my living room. For fun we had to make runs to Colorado. Man, you can even tell how flat Colorado is in that picture. But we were there to hit some jump called the Ironing Board, or some shit like that. Supposedly EVERYONE was hitting it. I’m guessing this was winter of 97-ish and we were 2-3 years late on it.

But let’s take in the finer points here:

• Ralph Lauren Hat
• Dub Jacket (so legit at the time)
• sunglasses, not goggles
• One dude rocking Airwalk boots.
• On Thumbs up, one peace sign, one shaka, and Moefaniel has disabled hands on account of his mitts.

Soon after this photo was taken I snapped a binding strap, coming off a massive 3-ft air and tumbled, one foot still on the board for about 100 feet. So awesome.

I can only imagine that people are starting to place bets. Wagers are waged. It’s probably falling pretty heavily in my favor right now. I can understand that. But I think I really need to level the playing field, so I’ve compiled these stats:

Jussi Oksanen

Age: 31
Experience: Travels the world to snowboard. World Class Athlete.
Movie Parts: Optigrab, Afterbang, Follow Me Around, Bigga B videos, and countless other bangers.
Awards: 1998 Finnish Olympic team, 3 Air and Style Podiums, 4 Global Open Podiums, 4 World Snowboarding Championship Podiums. 3 X-games podiums.
Strengths: The dude is a professional athlete. Slays mountains, parks and everything else. Probably has amazing hand-eye coordination.
Weaknesses: He’s got a shaky knee.

Rumorator

Age: Fat
Experience: Went to Chicago once. Red Dot Trivia Host.
Movie parts: Un-credited extra in No God No Master (Unreleased).
Awards: 2^nd Place Wisconsin Academic Decathlon–Economics.
Strengths: Rides a bike. Booze.
Weaknesses: Fear of Alligators.

Study up folks.

Sharks or Jets.

Also it seems that some of you out there are not too stoked on L. Hadar, so I’m going to give you this gem from today’s Satorialist.