Posts Tagged ‘snowboardering’

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Closet Cleanout Karma

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010


A few months ago I scored up a free jacket from Chappy at Porter’s Tahoe. It was slick. The Volcom Iceman jacket. Certainly a solid piece. I wore that thing a lot this winter. With a little bit of layering underneath, it was plenty warm for the Wisco nighttime shrad sessions. Kind of changed my mind about Volcom gear too. But the most important part is that I got it for free. Big thanks to Chappy.

It also added to my harem of jackets, which was pushing 10 coats at that time. Perhaps my priorities were a touch off.

Fast forward to last Friday night, I was out doing some shradding at the almost-local ski hill. It was the end of the evening, and as most people in the Midwest know, pretty much the end of the season. We were taking advantage of the one of the last nights and just screwing about. Then I see some kid out riding and pushing the best looking pair of pants to come out this year.

Naturally I’s like “Those is some sick pantaloons you’re wearing, senor.” Turns out kid was a lady.

So she’s going off about how she dropped a load on the pants and now she has nothing to match up with them. She was going to have to drop a whole other dump of cash to get the matching jacket. And I was thinking  two things. First off, sistah soldier, you don’t want to be rolling in a same print top and bottom. Secondly, I understand where you are coming from as I have been in such a predicament.  Big B is going to kill you with a print like this then leave you with limited pairing options. That’s how they get you!

And somewhere in that conversation karma kicked in and I said, “Kid you need this coat. I will trade you straight up for that filth rag you are trying to match to the proper pants.” She was all hesitant at first but I assured her I got the coat for free and it was really not a big loss for me. The catch was I got to take her beat, old jacket for bloggerman purposes. Because I knew I would have to document this to get approval from the bloggermanreadership out there.

I only wish there was a way you could feel through the screen because this jacket is disgusting. The shell is like hazmat protection thick and, well, it’s really dirty too.

 

I’m pretty sure the girl was hyped on getting a coat handed to her for free. And I was  pleased knowing that I have cut down the parka stable by one and passed on the goodwill I was lucky enough to have handed to me. I guess the moral of the story is as snowboarders we’re  a pretty fortunate bunch. If you get something for free, pass on the good karma.

As for this coat, I’m going tie a brick in the sleeve and toss it in the lake.

2011 product preview

It seems Burton has finally perfected those magnetic bindings, as evidenced by this photo:

Can’t wait to kickflip the shit out of boards.
Also for those not in the know, you probably won’t be getting that jacket from Sierra Ski and Patio Superstore.

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Posted in A Very Special Rumorator | No Comments »

Adieu hiver, la neige au revoir

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Well, that about wraps it up for Winter here in Wisconsin. We’ve got a forecast putting us in the 40-50s all week with rain coming down and the snow just going away. Soon enough we’ll be putting away the shrad decks and pulling out skateboards. Flipping the Quelque Chose for the Ephemere, with maybe just a stop over at La Fin du Monde. Getting back on the bikes and such.

But first, we’ve got at least one more weekend to make it through before we can call winter deaded. Devil’s Head Resort has it’s annual Picnic In the Park coming up thanks to the Red Bull ButterCup and a host of other sponsors through The Empire Collective. Sounds like there will be a pretty big crew up there, so if you like slush boarding and drinking your beer out of tall cans I  suggest you get yourself to Devils Head for the weekend.

Also in relatively rad news, it seems Joey Sexton is going to be in the house hyping up his new Stepchild deck, so that’s a plus. A moment of truth right here: I’m a fucking Joe Sexton fan-boy. No doubt the guy is like a million years younger than me and he’s from Minnesota but still you cannot doubt his radness. I once took a photo of him during the Vans Cup at Tahoe. End of story. Granted this won’t be as big as the time Hadar walked into the party I was at, not that she talked to me but whatever, it’ll be a good time. Maybe I’ll give you a sticker if you come talk to me. I’ll be the one in the hover-round.

And just to calm everyone’s nerves, I suspect there’s only a 50% chance of a chairlift malfunction this weekend. But who really uses those lifts anyway?

I also got some serious shrad time in this past weekend. In Wisconsin we don’t get much in the way of Powder days so we’re really just waiting for the slush-slashing to start. And it was on in full force this weekend. Nothing better than landing and hearing that “SPLOOSH” sound. Not that my board ever leaves the snow.

But what had me really stokering-out was the kids getting their shrad on out there. It was just two years ago that my homey Nate showed up to the Tyrol Basin Spring  Jam in a proper suit and some young snowthugs were busting on him. KNOW YOUR ROOTS, KIDS. Hetzel, Duckboy, all the old-time shreds rocked a suit when it was appropriate. And like 15years later kids are already missing it. Thinking about how hard they gotta look because the shrad is no joke. Whatever kid. Snowboarding is redumbulous. Fuck around with it. ANYWAY I saw one dude ripping in a sport coat and another coming with a heavy perv under his trench coat. I’ve got mega respect for those kids.

I think I have all my gear for next year figured out.

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Posted in Akshin sports, snowboardering | 2 Comments »

Book Clubbery,then more about snowboarding

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

I finally wrapped up Phillip Roth’s The Human Stain last night. I’ve been reading this book for roughly 19 months.  I gotta tell you, the first 300 pages are a struggle. Old dudes getting blowzers from younger, illiterate women. Angry french intellectuals. A complete lack of homo-eroticism.

That’s no way to make a compelling book.

Also the New England card was played in this beast. A Storyteller wants to give his story some sense of importance, and have an excuse for characters to drive Volvos and Saabs. So authorman sets his shit in New England. Hackwork. Like other places don’t have colleges and tree-lined streets? Imma lump this in with The Life Before Her Eyes and What Lies Beneath.

I think they also play the New England card so they don’t have to hire black actors (obviously not this story but New England stories in general).

If you want a book the NEEDS to be in  New England might I suggest Why The Devil Chose New England For His Work.

None-the-less I know I’m going to dive into more Phillip Roth in a few months.

On to the Shred topics

Torah Bright got a damn stamp in Austrailia.

I’m glad she got something for her pipe slaying at the Old-limp-dicks.  But what I can’t believe was the lack of  discussion about what version of Torah to put on the stamp. I mean this could have been bigger than the Fat Elvis stamp debacle. Can you imagine Aussies weighing in on Torah with the Old or New smile

On the other hand the whole idea of a stamp for Australia seems a bit odd, especially when you can walk outside and just phone a friend with a crazy contraption that looks like a piece of wood on a string.

Am I right?

Good to see you got my back Paul Hogan.

Meanwhile I get this email:

“TUNE IN”

 Olympic Gold Medalist Shaun White Stars In “Shaun White Project X”

On FUEL TV Thursday, March 4, 2010

Airing Thursday, March 4, at 9:30pm ET/ 6:30pm PT, and re-airing several more times over the next month, FUEL TV will showcase “Insane Cinema: Shaun White Project X.”

2006 Snowboarding Gold Medalist, Shaun White, trained for the 2010 Olympic Games at a secret 500-foot superpipe that Red Bull built for him in the backcountry of Silverton, Colorado. This is the place Shaun refined the skills that allowed him to win the first and third U.S. Snowboarding Grand Prix. This is the place Shaun learned the now infamous Double Cork 1080 and Cab Double Cork 1080, as well as laid the foundation for learning the game-changing Double McTwist 12. This is the place where Shaun worked tirelessly to mold himself into a 2010 Olympic Champion. Join FUEL TV in exploring Shaun’s hideaway superpipe and the incredible story behind it.

“Insane Cinema: Shaun White Project X” Air Dates:

Thursday, 3/4/2010                                        9:30 PM ET/ 6:30 PM PT  

Saturday, 3/6/2010                                         9:00 PM ET / 6:00 PM PT

Saturday, 3/6/2010                                         12:00 AM ET / 9:00 PM PT

Shaun White surveys the terrain in Colorado.

 Shaun White in the pipe at Silverton.

 Shaun White learns one of his Double Cork combinations.

 Shaun White hits the foam pit.

 Shaun White looks down the pipe.

 About FUEL TV

FUEL TV is the action sports lifestyle network for skateboarding, snowboarding, surfing, BMX, freestyle-motocross, and wakeboarding. FUEL TV was launched July 1, 2003 and is seen in 30-million U.S. homes. To subscribe to FUEL TV, call 877-4-FUEL-TV. For program times and other information, visit www.fuel.tv.

For further press and marketing information, contact:

 My favorite part is when they tell you what you are going to see. Shit is like a storyboard “next we are going to see Sean looking down the pipe as the camera pans left. He looks pensive.” Basically what they are saying is it’s going to be like every shrad video in the past ten years. But why are they not mentioning the parts where we see:

a bald eagle in flight over a body of water

25 shots of a helicopter flying away

Sleds

Some skateboarding

Someone talking about their soul awaking on a mountian top?

Forget that last one. Sean Blanco doesn’t get near mountain tops.

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Posted in snowboardering | 4 Comments »

The March Doldrums

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

We’re only 2 days into March, but it’s already been 9 days since I was last on the old shrad stick.  I’m already thinking about getting in a few last minute slush slashes and then getting en la bicicleta. Fuck blud, we ain’t ready to call it spring yet, are we? Yep, and here is the big plan as of right now. There is a good chance I’ll change this shit up, but this is what I’m thinking:

I’m going to build my own bike. I’ve never done this before  and I really have no understanding of how things like “tools” work, but I want to to give this a go. It won’t be anything too rigorous. A hardtail and I’m thinking 4-5 inches of travel up front.  Of course if I can find a slick deal on a built bike that will serve my needs I’ll probably go with that. I’ll try to blog the whole thing as well.

And since it’s nearly spring time I’m going to tip you off on the heated shit for the sunny time.

First off, I can’t wear tees on account of my moobs, but if I could I would be all over this limited shit from the guys at The Hundreds and MODA3:

See how it looks like it’s all chalked up? That’s cool.

Maybe you’re looking for something a little bit more traditional in your wardrobe?  Might I suggest hitting up these dudes at Warby Parker. They would be 100% legitter if they hadn’t crapped up their name from some Jack Kerouac bit. But I guess they know Shira, so it can’t be all bad. Buy one of these beasts:

Also note the measurement on this rig is 3.7 furlongs. All those dudes in waistcoats just found their trousers fitting a bit tighter.

As someone with two wrecked eyes, Imma be holding out for the Pince Nez.

BUT before we get to all of this, remember that springtime is the second best time to be shradding. Landings get soft, you don’t need to wear the puffy coats, and you can finally suck it up and start blasting those gaps to boards slides you’ve been thinking about.

I also suggest you take a look at Linn Haug, and stop asking whatever became of Anne-Flore Marxer.

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Posted in snowboardering | 4 Comments »

Life in a post Olympic world: day 1

Monday, March 1st, 2010

Can’t believe I wasn’t on this one sooner:

Lago vs. Riverwest

I’m going to give this one to Scotty.  You don’t flaunt a piece of metal like that in Riverwest. You trade that to some dude named Lester for a half a pack of Basics and 3 bottles of PBRs.

Besides that girl isn’t even frumpy asian enough to be squatting in Riverwest.

Lago 1
Lagos 3
Riverwest 0

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Posted in Milwaukee Radification Project., snowboardering | No Comments »

Product Review: The Spanky-original sports hanky

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

I got The Spanky a few weeks ago. I was cruising by and someone just handed it to me. Initially I tried to turn it down but the guy passing them out said, ” Blud, it’s a goggle wipe and it’s free.” So I took it. Nevermind that fact that Burton has been putting these things on roach clips and giving them to me for free for ages, and I’ve still never used one. I just use the goggle sack or the microfiber cloth from my eye doctor. But after that convincing statement from Spanky-hander-outer I took one. A+ for the marketing skillz.

I tossed The Spanky in my bag and didn’t think much of it. It sat in there a few weeks until I found myself on a shrad adventure to the Wisco/Upper Penninsula boarder. I was hitting up some of the resorts around there. So I decided to give The Spanky a legit test run.

I broke out The Spanky and discovered it’s not just a goggle wipe, but a trail map as well. BOOM! No need to grab a map at the ticket window. Here’s the catch. When you’re given a spanky for free, you don’t get to choose what trail map you get. I was rolling around Indianhead Mountain for about two and a half hours before I realized I was looking at a map of Red Mountain. No wonder I couldn’t find the lift to the summit.

The biggest problem with someone like me testing a goggle wipe is that I never fall. My shrad skills are unmatched. I don’t  fall and certainly never get over-heated and fogged. So after grabbing a more accurate trail map, and three bottles of Trois Pistoles The Spanky never made it out of my pocket. I do feel confident in backing The Spanky as a goggle wipe that will not weigh you down, or will it make your pocket puff out. The volume and wieght on this thing is perfect. Chances are you’ll forget you even have it on you.

But not me. I’m an amazing product reviewer and knew that I had to really put this wipe through a serious test. Luckily I was near Hurley Wisconsin and it’s famed Silver Street. Loaded with 25 bars  on one street, 6 strip clubs all on one block and with no cover  in sight. I figured I would find a place to use The Spanky.

Goggles off. Contacts out. Glasses on.

Unlike goggles, glasses get dirty just from being on your face. Coffee steam rolls up on them, That weird opium haze sticks to them, hair and eyelashes fall on them,  a deep fried corndog squirts on them, the sweat  and grease from the cleavage of a girl named Fantasy gets rubbed all over them. Glasses need Spankies.

The control glasses went everywear for this test. On strippers faces, up and down poles, in cleavage, g-strings, mouths, gin-and-tonics, and one girl even picked them up with her ass. Needless to say they were filthy. Between each element of the test the Spanky was busted out and successfully cleaned the lenses of sweat, glitter and that stripper smell.

Note: I would have had video, but it seems that kind of behavior is frowned upon in such establishments. That picture to the right–I suspect someone gave their life to get that image. The fact is, we had more people cheering on The Spanky than the dancing girls at certain points.

Then just to really test out The Spanky I ran the glasses through the same test again without cleaning between each stage. By the end the specs actually felt heavier, and no one was claiming the hair on the right lens. Still The Spanky prevailed. With a shot of lens cleaner and a short bath in boiling water upon returning home the glasses we as good as new. But every now and then, if i turn my head fast enough, I can still smell Hurley Wisconsin.

Shay’s Rumorator’s Honesty Box:

It’s a goggle wipe. It’s better than using your sleeve or a napkin. If you can grab one with a trail map for your mountain it’s probably a neat little thing to have, and it would cut down on the clutter in your pockets. I’ll probably keep using goggle sacks to clean goggles, but I’ve now got The Spanky with my glasses and have been using it to clean those on the regular. It was free so I use it.

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Posted in product reviews, snowboardering | No Comments »

The Sobering Time

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Things got a bit shaky this weekend. But not like collegey binge-drinking style. More like wake up have a drink never lose that slight buzz all day, this-is-what-it-must-have-been-like-in-the-early-sixties kind of feeling. But I also laid down three pretty good days on the shrad, hit up a VFW hall for a fish fry and $2 Coors, got Kraeusened to fuckall, and slept in a questionable hotel. In fact last week when asked what I was doing over the weekend, I honestly considered replying “Making poor life choices and getting bed bugs.” Christ, it never gets old.

At one point I also bought a rack of ribs for dinner, ate the left overs for breakfast, and what was left then I ate as lunch. Amazing.

I’ve also learned that A) Some people absolutely hate the Sound Grenade app for an eye-phone. B) When a man tells you not to go into a certain bar because they have a toothless monkey working in there, he is probably right. C) People in the upper peninsula of Michigan are not big fans of Obama. But I’m pretty sure they hate all kind of authority up there. Go figure.

In the end this video came out. I don’t care what that kid at the beginning says his name is, he’s looking a lot like el Rumoratero.

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Posted in snowboardering | No Comments »

Compare and Contrast

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

I guess to be a snowboardering lady today you gotta do the swimsuit film. Luckily Chanelle Sladics got on board. Mixed feelings here. For example: I need a neighbor who just hangs about in a bikini. Instead I have a neighbor who just gets pissed when i drop my waste on his compost pile. Like a damn goat carcass won’t break down.

Anyway here’s Sladics, kind of coming off with that unsexiness that has embraced every female to ride a snowboard. I got all excited for a minute there when the trampoline appeared but oh well. Enjoy:

Now for the downside: The swimsuit is a plus but that is some mad Broder style. Turn the sound off and watch it again. Imagine her opening line just being “Aloha Dudes. Welcome to mi casa” [lifts arms, bro-style]

Now sound is still off and you roll towards 3:14 and you thinking “Wait a minute. Girl in spandex? Skateboarding? Loves her horses? And her boyfriend too?” Yeah you’ve seen this before. Peek at some Tom Petty especially after 2:20

Also be sure to peep old skool Stussy shirt at 2:17

That’s some Ke$ha level derivitiveness. But you got to have the knowledge to see it, or get the head up another blogman riddim.

Last point: I attended University with a girl who looked like Tom Petty. The Crystal Falcon once sweated on her. Tom Petty is  a crap thing to be compared to, regardless of sex.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Holy Oly Revival Time

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

Just got word from my editor at Yobeat that I’m supposed to go to this:

I’m pretty thrilled for the opportunity puke a little bit of insight on the event. So I had to dig up my rider and send it off. I always feel like a dick sending this thing to anyone who bothers to put up what I write, but facts is facts. You want Rumorator, you pay Rumorator.

Some of the demands on my rider:

  • A rickshaw bike, pedalled by a dude with real sweet rump.
  • Three packs of Pall Mall non-filters. (for a 3 day adventure).
  • Bacon at each meal.
  • A necklace made of garlic and wooden stake.
  • Media Credentials.
  • 2 bottles of Yukon Jack
  • 1 copy of The Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. Hardcover.
  • Arm Candy
  • A pinata shaped like One of the Bush twins.
  • Cake
  • A beagle
  • A reading lamp
  • 3 dice

Of course this is all negotiable. Needless to say it’s shaping up to be a rad weekend.

Also Westcoasters, Rumors are of a rumorator.com live stream of mens halfpipe events tonight.

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Posted in snowboardering | No Comments »

Knee Deep in the Olympics

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

Maybe you all missed it whilst you were at home with one leg up on your couch trying to push your peep up your butt, but the Olympics started. In reality you haven’t missed much. Some toned down luge event. I think Christine Brennan talked to IOC into reducing the track because the lugers were going to fast. So everyone is puttering through that event. Apollo Ono still has his soul patch, and Lindsey Vonn still has a sore leg as well as a crap showing in Sports Illustrated. Bob Costas hasn’t aged in 73 years an I’ve been told he gained eternal youth by eating Dick Clark. It was also reported that one quarter of all the condoms used in the Olympic Village are used by Costas.

But there are some rad events going on too. Curling. So fucking legit. Biathlon. If all skiing was as rad as the biathlon I wouldn’t even shrad. But really the closest I have ever come was getting stoned one night at The Crystal Falcon’s house and playing Duck Hunt while standing on the Nordictrack. 

Of course the old halfpike events are coming up. It’s funny because last night my homey the_boss_of_you was claiming on chinese state television the Chinese are winning all the medals. I got a feeling that kind of ”media augmentation” will happen in the USA if Sean Blanco doesn’t win in the tube. But rightfully so, if the kid tosses down the CulebraBlanca  he’s going to be tough to beat.

But in the interest of making the Old-Limp-dicks a bit more entertaining I’m tossing up these suggestions from Brother Keith as he embarked on his journey to become the head of the IOC last night.

11 Ways to Make the Winter Olympics More Interesting

  • Install a stripper pole at center ice for all figure skating events.
  • Give all biathlon athletes snow camo and paintball (or BB) guns and make it a last man standing event.
  • All downhill ski racers have to fashion their own skis out of provided lumber and tools in 24 hours.
  • The luge will take place on plastic Coleco brand sleds and have jumps made out of hay bales.
  • Introduce same sex couples figure skating.
  • Ban nude colored spandex from figure skating uniforms.
  • Leave hockey just as it is.
  • Combine figure skating and curling into one super event where a skater gets tossed and dudes sweep her into a circle target.
  • Replace Bob Costas with @iamsalmasakela.
  • Incorporate a pow turn / method contest into snowboarding.
  • Add a full loop and maybe a corkscrew to the luge.

Also if you couldn’t decide what to get me for Valentine’s day, it’s not too late to grab this from my Celbrity friend

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Posted in I watch too much TV, Listed | 1 Comment »

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