Posts Tagged ‘Snowboarding’

2012-6: In which we discuss animals, humans and gods

Monday, January 16th, 2012

We’re gonna start today off with a few questions

1.     How does a dog that size create such massive craps?
2.     Are you ready to hear a story about the majesty of nature? I hope so, because it’s gonna end up like Wild America in this section.
3.     People I know.
4.     People I would like to know.
5.     WTF Kiera Knightly?
6.     BONUS! JESUS.

(Colin) 1th: Dumps like a truck truck truck

I am currently in the practice of dog-sitting. This is new to me. And there are a few things I need to lay out. I find it hard to respect a dog named for a Lioness. A tiger maybe. I mean a fucking tiger is a killing machine. But a lioness? I’ll sit a top a Range Rover and land headshots on a lioness and her cubs all day. Then I’ll bring them home illegally and get them taxidermed into a anthropomorphic setting of a family of lions getting ready to go to church on a Sunday morning. The mother wearing an apron, cooking up gazelle bacon, and all the cubs in their Sunday dork clothes, sitting around the table. To display such a huge piece of kinked out nature porn I would probably get a new place. Or put it in a storage locker, until I forget about and 3 years later Darrell bids on it early because he sees the wow factor in such a set up. Dave Hester would bid the bitch up high because Dave would know the value of some poached and taxidermed lions. But ultimately it would go to Barry because that dude knows some weird shit when he sees it. This is pretty much why you give a dog a proper dog name.

Also, this dog takes the massivest dumps. Human sized. And I have to pick them up. It’s awesome.

2st: Mild Awareica

I was recently in a city. And in that city was a building. And in that building there was a second floor landing. And on the second floor landing was the most majestic painting of two bald iggles ever seen outside of Brackendale, B.C. It was powerful.

So I turn to C-blast and ask her to snap a pic of it and send it to me, as my phone is out of battery powers. She did. Snapped and sent. Then she deleted it. What an asshole! Now I cannot share this majesty with you. You all feel cheated.

You wanna talk more about Animals? I can do that. Just dig on this.

The SIA meeting emails are rolling in and I’m not sure who I am looking forward to speaking with the most, but something tells me this is high on my list:

I hope they let me demo one.

3nd: People I know

When I was not looking at majestic avian images this weekend, I was turning screws and helping my homey Keef hand snowboards to people. I really thought I was beyond that phase in my life, but I guess not. It was wicked fun and I got a few runs in myself.

Plus Poco, Hans G and PlanetJakerzz stopped by to talk shit. That can make most days pretty rad.

4rd: People I wish I knew:

This is a list of names of people I wish I new:

·     Roger Steambreath

·     Michael Goldfronts

·     Les Jailface

·     Coffeepot Jones

·     Pull Thunderton

·     Steven Filthcramp

·     Kjersti Buaas

·     Pickles French

·     Seaver Cloggs

·     Boushh

5st: Kiera Knightley in a low-cut dress

Why the fuck does Kiera Knightley only act in steampunk movies? Does she hate the modern era? Is it that she really isn’t that good and relies on over-the-top costume work to carry her? For real, check out this IMDB list.

I don’t know why I am even concerned with this.

6nd: Bonus

Get with it: Actor, Models and Talent for Christ.

A few things to cover here, starting with “CSO, chief serving officer.” Listen up. If was going to dedicate my life to modeling, acting of talenting for the jesus prints, I would want someone with connections and business acumen. Not someone who re-titles himself or herself into a submissive roll. Also she is a “late-in-life committed christian” which pretty much means she cannot be held accountable for hanging out with gay men, doing drugs, or the like 100s of dicks she has put in her mouth/vagina/anus. We can’t blame her because jesus hadn’t spoken to her yet. No no no. I cannot handle the sham that is “late-in christianity.”

Lastly their contact number is 800-STAR-420. This is all a joke right?

Fuck it. I can’t handle the sham that is christianity.

2012-1

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

Happy New Year!
Whoo-hoo!
Okay, now can-it and let’s get to work here. We’ve got things to cover:

1th
Utah in 4 days. I got $5 that says I get no more than 9 runs in, over 3 days. Last time I was in Park City people were telling me what a horrible year it was. That was six years ago. This year people are saying “No really, this is the worst year ever.” I’ve seen this before, Jackson Hole in 1998 and again in 2004. Worst years ever.

Anyway, if you need me from Friday–Monday I will be camped out at CobraDogs.

2st
There was a mini QCC ‘leven thrown down. It was just me and Chip. And it involved Ashley’s and JJ’s Fish and Chicken.

Ashley’s: Located at 15rd and Center, people have been talking about this place being more legit than Speed Kween, which seems to be a point of contention. So we went. Parked the Silver Spurt and walked in. The interior is void of any seating, except for like 3 chairs against the wall. There was also Mortal Combat II, Ms Pac Man, some zombie shooting game, and a couple of unplugged video poker machines. The entire customer area was about 300sq. ft. and somehow they

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claim to run weekend buffets in this joint.

There were several menus, but none of them had pricing on them. One menu featured “Rack of Ribs” (no pricing), so I stepped to woman behind the bulletproof glass.
“I’ll have the rack of ribs?” that question mark represents the uncertainty of what I was getting myself into.
“Beans and slaw?”
“What?”
“YOU WANT THE BEANS AND SLAW?”
“Yeah.”
“AND?”
“A soda…a mountain dew I guess.”
“$19.89”

Shit.
JJ’s: The meal from JJ’s was catfish nuggets, salt, fries, salt and chicken wings with salt. It was like $9 with the salt and a free grape soda.

We went back to Co-host’s joint to eat this mess. The ribs from Ashley’s were stacked like 3 levelles deep and came with 4 pieces of white bread. The ribs were pretty damn tasty. The slaw wasn’t worth putting in my mouth. And the beans, while they looked unappealing they were okay, but not good enough to put in my quickly filling gut.

Moving into the JJ’s meal, Chip had warned me that the fries sucked balls and there may be bones in the catfish nuggets. After one bite of everything we began discussing the finer points of

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JJ’s triple salting process. That was basically the highlight of JJ’s. That was seriously the saltiest food I have ever consumed. Even when my parents were in their hippie phase and we had goats with salt blocks to lick and my older brother made me lick that salt block, I was thinking, “This is salty, but someday I will eat at a place called JJ’s and it will be way saltier.”

In the end I was a little bummed out. I wanted JJ’s to be good. I wanted it to be this gem that everyone just drives past and assumes if a crappy place to eat [Eddie Vedder voice] even though [/Eddie Vedder voice] it’s amazing. But nope, it’s just a crappy place to get salty food. The mural inside is shitty too.

Ashley’s on the other hand it worth going back to. So solid. Just don’t get the full rack of ribs.

3nd
I was in the middle of bagging on these books, when someone told me how good they were. I really don’t believe them, but it made me feel like an asshole.

Whatever. I judge these books by their covers, but more by their shitty titles.

4st
I drove over my snowboard, and I really working on those lip slides.

AudioBlogging #3

Thursday, November 17th, 2011

This week I’m going on about Snowboarding (finally), Jamil Khan, John Sommers, splittering, and buffalo wild wings.  Oh, and I have music. Get with it.

Blaudio 11-17-11 by Rumorator

Shradtalk Times

Thursday, November 17th, 2011

Mega shrad in the news this week. So lets make sure we got it correct.

1. Putting the FIS in fisting, or Ski Down

I was pretty sure this was settle in nine-ocho when Terje was like “Olympics, yeah, I’m not doing that dude.” But then we had Ross Power doing monster amplitude methods and we all kinda looked the way. Then suddenly it was 12 years later and Sean Blanco was claiming quad-corks and such. But the big this was that every one kinda forgot Snowboarding in the olympics was run by skiers.

Now that dark secret is back in the spotlight. The FIS has decided they know how to host slopestyle events. Nevermind the fact the a organization run by snowboarders, with experience hosting, ranking and judging contests was totally willing to work with them to make sure slopestyle wasn’t 100% worthless when it landed in the world stage. But off course the skiers said, “Fuck off.”

Now there seems to be a boycott brewing. I’m curious to see how this plays out. However it goes down, the key to remember is that skiers are dumb and you can never trust them.

2rd: Skiing up

There’s a lot of noise getting made by splitboarders right now.

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These dudes. Please.

Flawsyfiles is all about it. My friend Moefaniel is all about it. These dudes are telling me about getting out there, “earning turns” and speaking all these other hippie idioms. Meanwhile all I can think is “Bru, they made chairlifts for a reason. Bru, there are no handrails in the world of splittery. Bru, you got Voiles?”

Lets go over some other reasons that make splittering ridiculous:

  • Where are the fine as bitchezzz?
  • Where is the jocko dude in a turtleneck who brings me my beers?
  • I
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    like a dick just tossing all these cigarette butts all over nature. That is really an additional level of guilt I don’t need.

  • Those boards are friggin heavy.
  • It’s still half skiing.

Oh and then there is this:

Which is pretty much this:

Which is pretty much this:

Sillykins.

3th: Fuck this

I need one more person in my twitter trough to hype this thing.

Probably not so good on the uphill.

Well, we can try this

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

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WSSF video #1

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

Since this already went up

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on Yobeat, I figured I could post it now.

The Starts

Friday, April 15th, 2011

We rolled into Whistler this afternoon. The first words out of A-man’s mouth were, “I don’t even know what we’re doing here. This is a huge mistake.”

Proof:

But then there was this, which was good to see:

Then we ate late lunch/early dinner and thought of johann:

This whole place is beyond weird. Think of every joke and stereotype you have ever heard, and then put goggles on it, and you have Whistler. So far out. Really, My mind is blowing. It’s not blown, it’s being blown further every moment.ow can it only be 6:30pm? Fucking red shift around the edges. All that.

Stay Tuned.

The Weekend That Won’t End

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

I did some time traveling this weekend. That is to say it was like those college days. Except this time I didn’t wake up with my head in a pizza box and hand in my pants. But it got shaky for a while. Needless to say I’m back to living upright now.

We’re going to start with the fact that this morning I was told I look like this dude:

NO WAY DUDE. NO WAY. You can go back to eating your Jimmy Johns sandwhich. Last time I had one of those was the last time I was in college. I never checked the ingredient list, but it seems that they may have put some poop on it. Chip says feces is their secret ingedient. Gross.

But really guy, I’m not looking like that poster. When was the last time you saw me riding sans hood? Maybe that Dub Jacket in 96? Maybe that same Dub Jacket in 2000? That thing had like 5000 name hits on it. Unstoppable. I was trying japan airs off spines that one winter, wearing that hoodless beast.

And those gloves over the coat? When was the last time you saw me riding with gloves ove the coat? Maybe those Burton Universe gloves in 96? Maybe those same Burton Universe gloves in 2000? That things had like 2 name hits on ‘em. Unstoppable. I was trying japan airs off spines that one winter, wearing those gauntletted bitches.

Otherwise that’s picture is spot on.

Article 2


I’ve been listening to

And the just used tube all well since pharmacy rx one as and blush as if exfoliation viagra 30 day free trial are and this find which how?

Flashlight, the extended version, like it was 96 and I wearing a hoodless Dub jacket with Universe gloves and just discovered Jorge Clinton. But I think we all now that when you turn this ipod on it goes directly to Devo “Uncontrollable Urge.”

Section 3 seat 9


New paint on the Team Rumorator bike. That shit wins races.

Quads

Quints Paste

Whistler: 16 days

The High Balls are on Me!

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

I’ve been out for a few days, sitting shiva for the loss of Peligro. As a dog he only gets four days, but none the less he deserves the honor.

In case you missed it on twitter, I’ll go over some of the highlights in the life of Peligro:

  • He voted for Obama. Twice.
  • He once mated with cheetah. Then forced the cheetah to get an abortion, fearing his offspring would pretty much be the pinnacle of life on earth.
  • He was the first dog to sail around the world, solo.
  • Kanye had him on speed dial.
  • He smoked Old Golds.
  • He never believed that shit about Han shooting first.
  • Once spent a weekend in the Chelsea Hotel with Laika, 17 hookers and a Humboldt squid.
  • He was the inspiration for every episode of  the X files, and turned down a writing credit on  A River Runs Through It.
  • He never forgave Terje for the “timid pup” deck
  • He was trained with a rape whistle.

I can’t say it enough,  I miss you buddy.

NAXT

So we’re gonna start today off with this gem from EndZedder A. Love:

Park Rubbing from torstein horgmo on Vimeo.

You hearing that re-re-remix? Slickter, for shore.
That Wiig kid isn’t bad.

I’ve been seeing some art:

This where justice was born:

And this is where justice was fed as a small child

Sorry about the glare.

This is what Noah’s ark looked like:

A gorilla, a wolf, a tiger, a vulture coming out of a man’s cock region. Ancient flood histories for one thousand.

Blasted.

When Shaun White Talks the Internet Listens

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

In case you missed it, CNN dropped

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this pile of warm caca on the masses last night:

And damn if the internet blow up.

Yobeat, always on point, came out with their critique last night. It was great! Pretty much the funniest thing written on the internet in like 3 days.

Then the heavy hitters picked it up too. Boardistan got involved and even quoted that hilarious Yobeat article. And our homeboys over in Europe, Onboard Mag, had something to say as well. I was hoping they could pick up something deeper, more nuanced, in that strange accent the narrator had, but in the end, they too differed to the Yobeat piece.

I can’t really see Transworld picking up on this story because it’s not a press relase or paid content. As I said before, this whole thing was pure crap, but it’s the closest thing the snowboarding world has to “news.” And Transworld doesn’t concern themselves with such matters.

The main thing here is that whoever wrote that critique should probably get some kind of award presented by models in bikinis or something.