You seen this schlock?

Seriously? I mean, it’s been out there for a while that AT&T is garbage. They’re just the empty shell of what was once a company that was mega-merica. But they chopped, flipped, and remodeled. SBC buys ‘em up, guts them and takes over the AT&T name. Why? Because SBC is/was The Southern Bell Company. And everyone knows that shit from the south tends to be garbage barged. Save for my friend Jonathan and that bloggerman that writes Burritos and Snow. Anyway SBC wanted to get a respected name. But they crapped that up too.

FACT!: The only reason SBC isn’t face down in a gutter wearing its AT&T mask is that deal with the iFauxn and the iTouchMacro (double Hister hack right there)

And now they’ve started producing commercials like this. Maybe you’re dwellting back to their rollover minute family ads and thinking, “But Rumorator, This is surely better than middle-aged mama ranting about rollover minutes?” Like anyone gives a fuck about rollover minutes anymore. I checked my statement just now, and you know how many minutes I used last month? 37. Thirty-seven minutes. Now perhaps this is due to my lispy voice—of which I am ashamed. Or perhaps it has to do with the paranoia the comes from watching four seasons of The Wire in two months. Or perhaps it has to do with the 446 text messages I sent last month.

Whatever, we gotta refocus. At least when AT&T/SBC was running those garbage commercials everyone was like “Fuck, these is some bad commercials.” But then they put out this work shown above and toss on some dude singing, in a voice that pretty much explains why kids listen to metal.

The World: Here’s your choice kid. The dude singing over the AT&T hack ad, or Agoraphobic Nosebleed.
10-yr old kid: Fuck, of course I’m going Grindcore. AT&T chump makes twee sound like it’s got a 10-inch cock.
The World: Probably a smart choice. You want some cigarettes?

So SBC/ATT&T puts out this ad like this is some sort of ultra-arty flick, but I called it out as hackory. A $3.1 billion marketing budget and I’m thinking you damn lame-os ripped off Christo. You ripped off the man who does this:

Well, apparently there was some discussion about the origins because now AT&T runs a disclaimer on the ad saying it’s got nothing to do with Christo.

BUT!

Then you take a look at this ad from Bosnia:

3.1 Billion Dollars. Dwell on it.

Meanwhilst, Imma leave you with this reading:

Rumorator 25:17—The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the hackory of sorry bitches.